Locked (Emison)

Again

Emily's POV

I couldn't go to the dinner, i knew i was gonna find her there so i didn't, it would have been uncomfortable to be in the same table. So I just stayed in my room, thinking. The way she was crying... I can still hear the way she was sobbing, all the pain she was trying to take away from her with those tears. Probably in a few minutes she's gonna come here, she has to come to sleep. I don't what I'm gonna do, I'm wishing she will come to my bed again and hug me, but obviously that is not gonna happen, I know she's just gonna ignore me and go directly to her bed. It's gonna hurt, but I deserve it. I rest my back against the wall and I close my eyes. I need to stop complaining and try to get her back, I don't care about Spencer right now, she's more important for me. I try to forget about everything for a minute, I need to calm. I only need a minute, just one to clear my mind. I don't think about anything, I just hear the white noise of the silence, with my eyes closed and my muscles relaxed. I can feel my heart slowing down and my breathing going normal. I don't have that frustrating feeling inside, I don't feel it anymore. It's working, I'm calming down and I'm feeling a little bit better. Now that I'm more calmed I can clearly think about everything. It was my fault, it was my mistake so I'm the one who has to fix it. I don't think right now it would be a good moment to do it, I'm gonna wait 'till tomorrow. I know it's gonna be hard to be in the same room as her but in different beds, Her body won't be against mine, I won't feel her breath on my neck and I won't wake up with her by my side, but there's a time for everything, and I try something now everything will be worse, the wait it's gonna be worth it. This is the first time I actually calmed, think about the problem and I find a solution. I used to go crazy and mad with myself, make everyone stay away from me and be alone for days... this is so much better, it makes me feel better. I change on my pajamas, I don't want to see her, it'll be even harder. I can hear people already walking across the corridors, she's probably about to walk in here to get her bathroom things, then, after a few minutes she'll come back from there and get into her bed. I already get into the bed, I want to sleep. The lights are still on but I don't mind, I'm so tired and I could fall sleep and keep sleeping with those lights on. I hear more voices and more noise, I hear girls screaming, laughing, making jokes... Suddenly I hear steps walking into the room. I want to turn and see if it's her, but I can't, I have to remember what I thought. By the time it's hear and the noise she's making in the room I can't figure out it's not her, the noise comes from the other side, that means it's one of the girls in the other beds. I hear more and more voices, more steps coming closer and more laughs. Another person walks in, it's sounds different from the last one. I can feel that person getting closer and closer to me. I hear noise right next to me, it's her. I want to open my eyes, but I'm facing to the wall, she won't see me and I won't see her. I just listen, she's taking her tooth brush. Once she gets it, she walks away again. I feel relief again, I got so nervous but I knew it was going to be like that. I keep waiting for her to come back, the others are already here, except for one, the one in the big bed. I'm starting to fall asleep, I can feel it, my eyes are tired, I have them closed but I can feel it. Suddenly steps inside sound again, closer and closer to me. It's her, I'm sure. She leaves her things, changes and then I can hear her getting in the bed that's behind me right now. Just a few seconds after the lights turn off. I can feel her behind me, I wish I could go down with her right now and wrap her with my arms, but I can't...

I fell asleep so fast, I just woke up with the lights on my face like always. I decided that I'm gonna take a shower later, I want to talk with Aria and Cece. First I want to apologize and tell them how grateful I am to have them and then I'm gonna tell them what I thought I'm gonna say to Alison. She's probably going to take a shower and be with Hanna after it, so they won't notice they are gone with me. I stand up fast, I take my clothes and change on my bed, if I change down I'll have to see her. Once I'm changed I jump and basically run out. I look back before I'm out of the room, I couldn't help it. She just woke up, she was taking her clothes. She didn't see me so I just walk out and make my way to Cece's room. I walk right next to Aria's room, she's taking her bathroom things. I walk in, she looks at me with a little smile.