Locked (Emison)

Bad idea?

Emily's POV

Alison leaves behind Hanna, i look at her 'till she disappears as she walks out. I take a deep breath, I'm still freaking out about that feeling I had when our fingers touched... I want more. Honestly I can't wait to see her, when I'm with her I don't feel bad or sad, I feel good, she makes me laugh, no one has been capable of that in a long time, but right then she comes here and changes everything. I stand up and I go outside, probably Cece and Aria are there, they are probably asking where the hell I was during breakfast and where I am now. Like I expected, they are outside. When the see me they raise their arms, I go to them they are at the tables.

"Where were you?" Asks Cece kind of angry.

"I skipped breakfast because today is checking out day" I say warning them.

"Fuck" Says Cece as she jumps from the table and starts to run.

"She didn't know?" I ask Aria confused, Mona always warns the whole prison, well, the ones who buy her things.

"Yeah she knew... she probably forgot you know how she is" She says with a little laugh.

I sit next to her and stay quiet, I remember the morning I had with Alison, and I can't help but smile like a fool.

"What is that on your face?" Asks Aria with a little smile. "Is that a smile?" She says surprised.

"That's how people call it right?" I say laughing at her.

"Wooow, Fields smiling, what is this, the world is ending soon" She basically screams, oh god, she's crazy.

"Shut up you crazy" I say laughing.

"No, now serious, what happened?" She asks getting closer to me.

"Nothing" I say trying to hide it.

"Oh, really? If you're smiling there's a reason" She says raising her eyebrows and opening her eyes.

She always puts that face when she wants to know something, it's so funny.

"Nothing, really!" I say smiling more.

"If you don't tell me... I'll do something" She says trying to being intimidating, but I can't see her in that way, she's too tiny for that.

"Really? What are gonna do?" I say laughing.

"I'll think about it" She says with a funny face. "But I'll do something" She adds.

I one hand I don't wanna tell her, basically because I still don't know what is this, I didn't the recognize what I'm supposed to recognize... and I don't know if I should tell her, but in the other hand I wanna tell everything I feel and tell her everything, like if we were 15 again. I look at her, she's waiting for my answer. Suddenly I remember the last time I felt this with someone... and all I can fear now Is fear. I'm not gonna tell her, I'm not gonna tell anyone.

"It's nothing seriously Aria, if it was something important I would have told you" I say trying to look normal, but right now I'm dying inside.

"Okay... I'll find out someday" She says like warning me.

I don't think she will, I'm afraid of this, I'm not sure if I want to keep going with whatever is this, I should cut it now. I can't let this happen to me again, the last time it happened was the worst year of my life, I can't remember it without feeling horrible.

"I-I have to do something I forgot, see you at the game later" I say standing up fast and walking away.

Why would I remember that? Every time I do I get like this, I hate it, I hate feeling so fucking miserable like I feel right now. I start to run, it's about to happen, and I don't want anyone to see me like this. I go to the basement, I really hope it's empty, I couldn't stand questions right now. I run downstairs and I walk in, I go directly to the room and I open the door, I lock it behind me and then it happens. I feel tears running down my face, I don't like to cry, but I can't do anything about it. I learned from this, it's better to throw it all away than keep it inside, or I'll be with these tears the whole day and I could break down in every moment. I start to cry harder, I can't with this feeling. The worst part is that I never told anyone about my past, so no one would understand, I'm totally alone in this situation. I fall on the floor, I don't cry because I'm sad, I cry because I'm angry, about what happened. I grab the pillow from the bed and I hug it as hard as I can, this usually doesn't happen to me, but when it happens it's horrible. A few minutes later I'm starting to calm down, "You can't keep like this. Stand up and face this it" I think over and over again. It's true what I think, I can't keep living like this, I have to change this. I stand up, I clean my tears from my face and I sit on the bed. I breathe deep and I try to calm, I have to stop this, I am the only one who can stop it and I have to, for myself. I clean my face and I stand up, it's done. Now that I'm calmed I can think clearly. I'm afraid, it's all know for sure right now, I'm scared of this, of this feeling I have for Alison. I know exactly what it is, I realized when our hand touched. I know I can't do anything about it, I can't control my feelings but I'm just not sure about it. Last time didn't went good, how do I know this time won't be like the last one?. That's what I'm afraid of, I'm afraid of the past. I close my eyes again and hide my face with my hands. I keep thinking, and suddenly her face appears on my mind, with her smile and her beautiful blue eyes... and that weird feeling again. I stand up fast and I punch the wall as hard as I can, I feel a horrible pain on my hand but I don't mind. What should I do? What should I do about it? I'm interrupted by the lunch alarm, it's already lunch time? Apparently I've been down here more than I thought... I have to go, I'm starving anyways. I clean my face one more time and I walk out. I go to the cafeteria, I walk in fast wanting to go directly to my table but my eyes are looking to another place. I see her, eating peacefully in one table alone, not the one she usually does... But she looks amazing anyways. Ugh this feeling again. Suddenly she looks at me, and makes a little smile. I feel my heart beating hard on my chest. She keeps looking at me... this is it, I'm tired of hiding from people and everything I've become in here, I don't want to be like this, I don't want to be afraid anymore. I'm not gonna let this fear stop me from living my life. I have to admit it, on my head. "I...I feel something about Alison"