521. Girl’s eyebrows nowadays look like Nike signs.
522. If you shut off the Internet in the US, we’d overthrow the government within hours.
523. Best Threesome: Me. My Bed. My Pillow.
524. I’m the type of person who would spend 20 years becoming a judge, just so ONE person could be all, “You can’t judge me!” And I’m like, “Bullshit.”
525. Tell someone, “You wore that shirt the day after yesterday” and see how long it takes them to get it.
526. I decided to face reality today and I definitely won’t be doing that again anytime soon.
527. I’m sorry I offended you when I called you a bitch, I honestly thought you knew.
528. I’m having one of those days where when I get home I’m going to lean against the door, and slide down it while dramatically sighing.
529. I’m sorry I keep looking at your chest while you’re talking. It’s just so beautiful. What is it, oak?
530. I don’t know who decided that high heels were just for women but…GOOD CALL.
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