401. Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
402. I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
403. When I’m sad I just sing, and then I realize my voice is worse than my problems.
404. My mother just learned how to put emoticons in her texts and now it’s like trying to read hieroglyphics
405. What did things taste like before there were chickens?
406. Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
407. You’re nice to the weird kid once, and then BOOM. Stalked for life.
408. It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
409. I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
410. My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it’s there to stab potential taco thieves.
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