531. “I’m a ninja!” “Dude no you’re not!” “Did you see me do that?” “Do what?” “Exactly.”
532. Tombstone request: Born a virgin, lived a virgin, died a virgin. The engraver shortened it to: ” Returned unopened.”
533. I hate it when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the script.
534. We all know a douche bag named Kyle.
535. I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
536. A ghost could be humping you right now and you would never know.
537. They should make Jack Daniels chap stick.
538. I don’t need a stable relationship, all I need is a stable internet connection.
539. Dating sites should have a section for people to leave a review for the person they went out with.
540. Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
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