191. I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
192. That awkward moment when you don’t know how to reply to a really sweet text.
193. Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you’d miss them.
194. One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
195. Ladies don’t worry, she will never be you…and when he realizes this, don’t take him back because he probably has herpes.
196. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
197. When you have to deliver bad news, always lead with something worse: “Honey, our cat died. Just kidding! But, I forgot to buy cat food.”
198. Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
199. I work hard so my dogs can have a better life.
200. I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
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