861. This frozen pizza says "Do not eat without cooking." Does this means that someone actually attempted to eat frozen pizza?
862. People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song.
863. It should be named as LOSS Vegas.
864. There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note "Don't eat me." Now there's an empty plate and a note "Don't tell me how to live my life"
865. 3 year old me: OMG dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets!
Me today: OMG dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets!
866. I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I'm delicious but damn.
867. It's sad going to McDonald's and finding out that a meal is happier than you.
868. If a girl compliments your dress, then you're wearing a pretty dress.
If a guy compliments your dress, then you're wearing a slutty dress.
869. Our kids will never know the terror of calling their crush on a landline and having their parents answer the phone.
870. I need a phone with 500% battery life.
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