103. I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I'm not the only one asking google stupid questions.
114. Lesson #1. Only trust people who like big butts... They cannot lie. #TRUTH
116. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
127. Guys if you ever want to imagine what a woman's mind feels like imagine a browser with 2,859 tabs open. All. The. Damn. Time.
130. Don't die a virgin...terrorists are up there waiting for you.
137. That awkward moment when you show someone something really funny and they don't think it's funny at all.
145. Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness".
190. I love when you go grocery shopping, and you see someone you know and they're like, "Oh! What are you doing here?" And I"m like, "Oh, you know, hunting elephants..."
195. Ladies don't worry, she will never be you...and when he realizes this, don't take him back because he probably has herpes.
197. When you have to deliver bad news, always lead with something worse: "Honey, our cat died. Just kidding! But, I forgot to buy cat food."
200. I hope I can still remember the dnace to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
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Hilarious Facebook Statuses :)
HumorInspired by Han_Man: I'm going to be uploading at least 10 every week to give you pleasure and laughter, Maybe more ;) So, everytime I update, I need you all to do something for me... COMMENT YOUR FAVORITE! The first comment will always win the dedi...
