311. My super power is to slap people upside the head when they need it most. No need to thank me. Just doing my job.
312. Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
313. You’ve just gotta love that awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize no one’s listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.
314. I make love like I use semicolons; rarely and probably incorrectly.
315. I haven’t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn’t blue.
316. I’m that horrible friend who reads your text then puts the phone down to do something and forgets to reply until 4 hours later.
317. Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
318. You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
319. Did I un-jam the copier? Yes. Does that make me a hero? Not for me to say. But probably.
320. Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
Vote and comment for your favorite Facebook Status!
YOU ARE READING
Hilarious Facebook Statuses :)
HumorInspired by Han_Man: I'm going to be uploading at least 10 every week to give you pleasure and laughter, Maybe more ;) So, everytime I update, I need you all to do something for me... COMMENT YOUR FAVORITE! The first comment will always win the dedi...
