111. Cleavage is the only thing that you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
112. I hate it when my boss calls my name and I automatically think “What the hell did I do now?”
113. Unspoken Rule #54. Let everyone get off the elevator before you start trying to get on. I am tired of almost running into you. Same goes for busses!
114. Lesson #1. Only trust people who like big butts… They cannot lie. #TRUTH
115. I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
116. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.
117. Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.
118. My kid’s teacher told me my kid is obsessed with video games and that I need to work with her on it. I’m like I do. I’m player 2.
119. I am waiting for the day that Walmart decides to put a bar in their stores. That’ll take people watching to the next level.
120. Hey, remember that person you thought you couldn’t live without? Well, look at you, living and shit.
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