Philosopher's stone rebirth

90: broken

Kia pov:

I said before... I lived in a world where only there is darkness. Even when its a sunny day, my world is dark. I've never seen light. My days... Were spent in a room. A room with people like me.

It was when I was five. I killed my very first person trying to protect a pet cat I picked up from the street. Before I was five, before I sunk into darkness... I had mama. I had Eliza. It was sunny. Laughter. Happiness. Really... What a rich blessed family would be. I believe the word was miracle.  Or at least that's what the people described of our family.

I killed the boy who tortured my cat. Then his parents were mad and wanted me dead. That was when everything started...

First time in my life... I saw papa kill two people. I didn't shiver at all. Just. Oh. They're dead. My sister yuki who got exhilarated by the interest of bodies. I never understood why I couldn't get close to yuki. She used to ignore me and eliza.

Then there was nii-san. He smiled at me and patted my head " daijobu. " I really thought it was fine. No... That wasn't it. That was when my nightmare started.

I was brought to a place,  what rich people liked to play. I wasn't disgusted. Instead I watched it like it was some show. I actually wondered... Those people... Stabbed... How does it feel? " How does it feel to stab and be stabbed? Death... Is it scary? " I would ask nii-san. It was that kind of game. The kind you bet on deaths.

And of course then I was trained. In a room with people like me. For the first time... I learnt what is it to stab. Or to be stabbed. I learnt... Pain is annoying. I learnt... Virginity is not important and sex is just a tool.

I learnt... Humans are all disgusting. No one. No one are nice people. They all have their motives and desires.

I understood why yuki didn't want to get close to mama or Eliza. Its the same reason I did then. We didn't want to taint such beautiful things. We learnt... How dirty we were.

Then I became a gate keeper. I had a chance to see the outside world. I expected it to be more... Disgusting. Chaos. Broken.

It wasn't.

It was... Much more... Pure than ours.

I learnt... How disgusting and dirty our world was. How tainted it had become with power.

Our world... Not on the surface...

People killed for money
Killed for women
Treated women like trash
Treated humans as tools
Treated men as slaves
Treated the ones without power with disgust.

Power
Status
Money

Was everything in this world.

And in that world...

It does have their bad parts. Of course the same things happen in their world too. But to not such an extent where...

Almost every woman or man would hate it existence for being poor.

In our world... We have such a saying...

Your existence itself is disgusting if you do not have power or money.

That was the kind of world I lived in.

I TRULY HATED IT.

Yet... I couldn't do anything about it.

Our world was more broken than it seemed to be.