Don't Stay, Don't Go (Ben Drowned Love Story)

Ch. 58

I wake up probably in the middle if the day, from the light shining through my window. I grab a change of clothes from the small pile in the corner, and walk to the bathroom with my head hanging in defeat from earlier.
I figure no one would miss me for a few hours, and I can try to find a way to get what I want. It's not fair.
I run a bath for myself, with the water steaming up. I strip off my sweaty clothes and slowly sink into the water.
I sigh, how can I be so pathetic?
You don't have to be.
The strong side tells me. But I don't know if I want to listen to it anymore. It's making me so lonely.
I close my eyes and sink under the water, and try to make myself shut up. It's not as easy as you would think.
I come back up so I can breathe, and start washing myself. My mind almost blissfully quiet.
[Time Skip]
I drain the water in the tub and ring out my hair before drying off and putting on my new clothes. I discard the towel and my previous outfit into the bin in the corner.
I grab the water bottles that Tim gave me last night and fill them in the sink before drinking one of them. It makes me feel a little better, although I'm still hungry, but I don't want to right now. I sit at the table resting my head on the wood still managing to keep my head quiet. I focus on my breathing, seeing how calm I can make it. It hikes up as I hear footsteps behind me.
"Hi." I mumble.
"I got these out of your room for you. I thought they would make you feel better." Ben's kindness makes me feel sick to my stomach. I'm literally crawling to him for affection. I try to stifle a cough as he comes closer and sets something on the table.
"Thanks." I take the CD's and portable player off the table. Though, why I don't know.
"Please tell me you're ok." He lightly begs.
"I'm fine. Don't worry about me." I keep my head on the table so I don't have to look at him. I can't lie to his face.
"It's hard not to worry when someone you care about looks like they're dying, just to get to you." He explains.
I told you he cares.
He's just playing with you.
"It's hard to like you when any time I try I hurt myself." I whisper to myself, having a heavy coughing fit after. I pop open the water bottle and down a fourth of it in an effort to make it go away. I don't think he heard me though.
"Your birthday is soon." I feel the suffocation crawling down my throat, but it feels I'm glued in place.
"I'm sorry." I choke out.
"I'll go, I should have sent someone in the first place." I hear Ben quietly walk away.
He left you. He can't like you.
He thought he was hurting you, and couldn't watch you suffer.
I look at the CD's and sigh. If he gave them to me he wants me to listen to them, but I can't. Just thinking about it makes my stomach churn.
I walk up to his room and set them down outside his door.
"I'll come back, I promise." I call before hesitantly going downstairs and outside. There I know I can scream, kick, and run out all my energy. Starting with sitting in a tree, because that sounds nice.