Don't Stay, Don't Go (Ben Drowned Love Story)

Ch. 57

"Just let me go. Please." I cradle a pillow as I rock myself on the floor. "Just let me touch him, I just want to be happy. Just please let me go." I whimper over and over.
Get over him.
"I can't."
Tell him!
"I can't."
Of course not. I told you you were to weak.
"I'm not! I'm not, I'm not, I'm not!" I pound and scratch on the walls desperately trying to stop my own thoughts.
That's all they are. They cant hurt me. I fling open my door and run into Ben's room.
"You can't hurt me! You can't do anything to me!" I scream as I desperately try to fling myself onto my surprised crush. I fall to my hands and knees before I'm close and start sputtering again. "You can't hurt me anymore!" Determined to get what I want I try to crawl forward, resulting in the predictable chocking. My 'you can't hurt me's have turned into 'please don't hurt me' as I cry, crippled on his floor. Sadly I walk back to my room, desperate to try and solve myself. Before I think of anything Masky walks in, carrying a bowl of soup and some bread.
"What have you done to yourself, you poor thing." He puts the food on the table and leans down, holding my head in his hand. "Your eyes are so red, and there are tear stains running down your cheeks. What happened to my big strong girl?" He asks.
"I don't know, I just want him so bad. But I can't touch him," my voice is rough from screaming, crying, and chocking, and my head is pounding. "I need him so badly." I start crawling towards the open door, but a hand on my back stops me. I melt onto the floor, feeling how tired I am from crying and everything else.
"Habit said you threw up, so I brought you some bread and soup. It looks like you need a few water bottles too. I'll be right back." I take a few bites of the soup and bread before walking to Ben's door again. He had the sense to close it so I wouldn't hurt myself trying to touch him. It doesn't stop me from curling up and pounding on the floor in front of the door though.
I whimper delicately, wanting so much for nothing other then to be able to touch Ben. To tell him what I want. That I like him.
He's right behind the door, I know you can do it!
Too bad you can't open the door.
I reach up to the doorknob, but my hand gets smacked away.
"You can't do that. Here's some water." Masky hands me a few bottles of water. I let him lead me to my room while I drain the bottles. It makes me feel much better, and I finish the bowl of soup and bread.
"You look so sad." He comments.
"I am!" I whine.
"Well I'm sorry," he coos. "If there was something I could do to help I would. You know I would." I assume anything related to Ben is off limits. "You should get some rest. You haven't had a good nights sleep in a long time." He picks up Ben's blankets, that have been sitting on my floor. I jump up and grab them.
"Please? It doesn't make it hard to breathe, I promise. He can borrow mine, just please let me use his." I beg.
"You really are a pain sometimes." He sighs and grabs my blankets, dragging them out. I close the door and curl myself up in Ben's blankets, taking a deep breath in and smell them.
I do need rest though, so I take a few shuddery breaths before falling asleep.