Don't Stay, Don't Go (Ben Drowned Love Story)

Ch. 27

We swap funny pictures while listening to music. And it comes to Gus' stop. He doesn't get on. Is he sick or just hiding from me? Probably the latter.

I fold myself into the seat, and silently whimper to myself. It's all my fault.

I create an image in my head. Gus sits on the grass, curled up into a ball. I tower over him, while everything gets shaded red. Is this what I've done? I wish I could take it back. I recoil at myself, I'm that much of a monster.

I pull the water bottle Tim left me out of my backpack. I poured some of the blood into an ice tray and popped those into the rest to keep it cold. It doesn't taste as good lukewarm. I wonder what it tastes like when it first comes out of someone. I could figure that out on my own, but I already promised Ben I wouldn't hurt myself.

"What is that? Can I have some?" Kaitlynn snatches the bottle from my hand and puts it up to her mouth.

"No!" I twist around and grab it back. A bit splashes out and she puts it on her finger.

"What the hell is it?" She licks her finger and coughs. "What is that?"

"It's Gatorade with some stuff for my schizophrenia." I could have done better if I thought of something before.

"Really? It doesn't taste anything like Gatorade."

"I know, the meds totally ruin the flavor." Do they believe me? I hope so. It would be bad if they found out what this is.

"That totally sucks."

"I know." I shrug, take another sip, and push it back into my backpack.

The rest of the bus ride is quiet, with a few verses sung from our favorite songs. We jump off and dash to our classrooms to put down our heavy backpacks. Then we head back to the parking lot to see if we can find Tom. We see his dads white truck and run over. We act like he's our harem leader.

"Take a picture, Liz take a picture of his license plate." Kaitlynn urges.

"I got this." I pull out my iPod touch and snap a few blurry pictures of his truck and him.

"What are you even doing?" Tom asks as he steps out of the truck.

"Just being a weirdo freak, the usual." I smile.

"Right... alright then! Come on the bell is going to ring." Ben leads us back to the classes. By the time we get there the bell rings and we wave goodbye till break.

History class. Is. So. Stupid. I do the warm up- the only thing I need to do in this class- and pull out a book. At least I get to play music on my iPod touch. I play Three Days Grace on Spotify, and focus on the words in my book.

Quickly the music puts me in a brooding mood. If you felt like it you could make me have mood swings only using songs.

Panic! At The Disco to make me happy, My Chemical Romance to feel giddy, Three Days Grace for brooding, Falling In Reverse for angry, A Day To Remember to make me violent. And probably more. Music is awesome that way.

Five minutes.
Ten minutes.
Twenty minutes.
Half an hour.
When does this class end?
It ends in fifteen minutes. I sigh and focus on the lyrics to this song.
In no time I get up, wave to my friends, and head to my next class.
English takes years, but is over soon enough. At ten fifteen I dash out to the grass and meet my friends in our usual circle.
"What if you just shove the egg right up your ass?"
"And I'm just not going to even try today." I walk backwards for a second before laughing as running up to my friends, they must be talking about the egg drop.