Don't Stay, Don't Go (Ben Drowned Love Story)

Ch. 56

[Elizabeth's POV]
The door opens slowly and I whimper as I pull the blanket over my head. I woke up and I was so cold, almost chattering my teeth.
Tell whoever it is to go away.
I'm sure whoever it is cares about you, you should see who it is.
"Just stop please." I hit my head from under the blanket. The voices are mine and I agree with both of them, but how can I do what both if them want? I don't want to sleep again, I don't want to do anything. I just want to be happy.
"You said she wasn't awake."
"She wasn't." I groan at the sound of Ben's voice and collapse on the bed. I'm so complicated, he's so complicated, I just don't know how to do anything anymore.
"Are you feeling better little rabbit?" I feel someone sit down, and the blanket is lifted off my face. I try to answer him but the only sound is chocking. I don't know what to say.
"Your friend here told me something happened, care to explain." I furrow my brows and curl up on Habit's lap, but I still don't know what to say.
"Don't tell me she's gone mute." Ben's voice has almost a painful effect on me.
He's right there, tell him you still love him.
Get over it.
I need him. I want him to talk to me, I want him to touch me, I want him to look at me instead of sitting in the corner. I almost hit my face on the floor when I crawl desperately over the edge of the bed. I don't know why, but when I get close enough I feel paralyzed. Soft chocking noises come from me as I slam my fist on the ground repeatedly. I cough and gag as I try to move myself forward, but can't.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" I repeat as coughs rack my body between chocking fits.
Your so close, I know you can make it!
If you back away, you can breathe.
I can feel the darkness coming back, and back away a small bit allowing myself space to breathe.
"What are you doing?" Habit comes and picks me up by my armpits and sets me on the bed again. I take quick breaths for a minute before scrambling back.
Ben leans down to me and touches my head, and I feel it pulse, casting pain like burns through me. Dejectedly a scream in pain and move back just enough so that I can breathe.
"I'm so sorry." I mewl over and over as I cough on the floor. "I just want to-" I feel nauseous, and try to swallow it down, which I fail at, before crawling back needily to Ben. I know I can make it, if I could just touch him.
Keep going, your so close.
How could you touch him if you can't even let yourself breathe around him. This is all you. If you get over him you can breathe.
"Just let me go." I sob, not caring if my face is wet from tears as I struggle uselessly to go forward.
You can't be free from yourself.
Only the malicious voice has something to say to my plead. Does that mean the nice one agrees? I slam my head on the ground repeatedly before I'm swooped up by Habit. He sets me on the bed again, and I gasp for air again.
"Can't you breathe?" He asks.
"No." I whine.
"Is it only around him?" He points to Ben.
"Yea, but I want him so badly." My voice is the embodiment of sadness.
"Then for your safety he should leave." Habit concludes.
"No! I'm almost there I promise! Just one more try, please." I fall off the bed and make all sorts of terrible sounding noises as I fail to touch Ben. "Please I'm so close!" I know I can make it, I know I can, I'm so close-"
"Leaving. You must be hungry, I'll bring something up." Habit says forcefully, pressing Ben to leave. I can't look at him as he follows his orders, I can only cough as air painfully enters my lungs.