Persphyni: I am Determined

114

My question was met by a sigh. The three of us not knowing how to answer as we thought it over.

"Well, I guess we orbit around Earth until it's habitable again." Clarke piped up.

"There is no way that earth would be habitable by the time we run out of viable options for food." I pointed out being pessimistic as I thought about what would happen if we couldn't support this people.

However, my comment was met by a chuckle. I rose my eyebrow and turned slightly too look at Bellamy.

"Why are you laughing?" I narrowed my eyes at the male. Pushing up to rise slightly as I moved to rest on my knees looking him in the eyes.

"Trust me, we have options." I glared playfully before sighing and standing up.

"Fine. I've got a few things I need to check on right now though."

"Kane?" I nodded not trusting my voice as my once adrenaline pumped mood declined to sorrow. "You want me to come with you?"

"No, I- if you want to? I." I stopped, took a deep inhale before making eye contact with the male who had stood up in concern. "Actually, I need to do this alone first. I'm not sure how I'll react if I'm honest."

"I understand. Come find me if you need me." I squeezed his hand turning to walk away. I gave Clarke a sharp nod, reminding myself I had a bone to pick with her.

"Here goes nothing." I murmured as I ventured into the ship my feet wandering as I hoped I would find Abby and my father.

_______•*•*•*•_______

I knocked on the door, heart racing as I stared over at Abby and Jackson. Reluctantly they let me in, eyes worried as I looked down at my father who was hooked up to some tube.

"Be honest, Abby." I started, my voice no higher than a whisper, "Do I need to say goodbye?"

I heard her take in a deep breath, almost as if she were about to sob. With a quick glance to Jackson I knew my answer.

"Fuck!" I roared, turning rapidly and slamming my fist into the metal. "Fuck." I whispered softly as I rested my forehead on the wall. "May I have the room?"

"Of course." Then they left, allowing me to turn around and face my father.

"I guess this is what I get for taking things for granted." I began, scoffing at my own thoughts as I stepped towards the bed dragging a stool with me. On my next exhale I felt the warmth of my tears. I didn't stop them. I didn't want to.

"You know. I can't help but think this is all some crazy thing about keeping the balance." I choked out. "Like, I got Bellamy back, but then I lose you. I have a goddaughter, but then I lost Gideon and Lyla, and I don't even know if Molly made it. Gods it's infuriating." I heard myself whimper, a noise which shocked me to the core, but one I didn't hold back.

"You know, I'll never be the same. I fear that because of the lack of time I was able to spend with you, that I might begin to forget about the time we did spend. Yet, I'm not sure if I'd do it over." I gently grabbed his hand. "I've experienced ups and downs, but one thing is for certain- I've grown to be who I am today because of it. And I know you wouldn't want me to fall into a shell of myself over this- so I'll get everything out now." I breathed as I set my forehead on his chest.

"I hate that we didn't have time. I'm angry at myself for not actively seeking out ways to be around you. But I'm angry you didn't either. I'm glad you were here when I started finding interest in Bellamy. I'm glad you were able to get a feel for him, I'm certain that he'd have your blessing if he asked. I'm also certain that if he fucked up he'd be getting a kick in the ass from both of us." I chuckled slightly at the thought. "Guess I'll just have to kick his ass twice if he ever does."

"I'm gonna miss you, Dad. But I'm going to live my life. And I'll just have to accept that it's going to be with you in my heart and not beside me. Until we meet again, father." I wiped my eyes before standing up and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "Maybe then we can start from where we left off."

Then I was leaving. My eyes red as I navigated through the hallways, my feet moving forward to find Bellamy as I wandered through the halls of the Eligius ship, thankful we had docked before I had found Abby and Jackson.

It didn't take long as I walked over to Bellamy and Clarke, the two rising to stand.

"Hey, when you're finished, come to the bridge." I walked up behind Bellamy eyes drifting between the two. "We're deciding the fate of the Human Race. Again. You should be there."

Clarke was hesitant her eyes drifting to me as I stood a few feet from them with my arms crossed.

"You're not mad at me for leaving you in Polis?" She finally asked.

"The Commander ordered me not to be." I let the small smile slip onto my face at his words. Of course she did.

"I'll meet you on the bridge, both of you." Then she turned and left, Bellamy did well to not act surprised to see me as I uncrossed my arms.

"So, would it be wrong to suggest arson?" Bellamy's eyes widened as I broke into laughter. He just shook his head clearly not amused with the joke. "Oh come on. It's not like the world hasn't been blown up three times."

"Oh my, stop." He groaned as he walked up to me. I laughed again.

"Oh hush, you adore my dark humor." He just stared blankly at me. "You might even say it's hot."

My nose twitched as I held back my laugh. He facepalmed hard. A red mark on his forehead as he groaned.

"Come on, you. Let's get going." He ordered gently wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me towards the bridge.

Though we slowed down, our faces solemn as we made eye contact with Octavia. Her jaw set as she stared between her brother and I. I drifted to look at the others who lined the ship walls, a glare forming as a woman walked around the corner and froze.

My fists clenched as I eyed her. The loathing I felt in my chest bubbled before softening as I recognized the bump. Fucking Diyoza was pregnant.

I couldn't help but shake my head.

"Let's go." I whispered, nudging Bellamy's hip with my own.