Persphyni: I am Determined

89

I felt pain and anger burn in my chest as Indra's facade faltered under the truth of what happened the last six years down here.

I felt pain for everyone down here who had to commit such an act to survive. I felt pain for those who lost someone they loved and then were forced to consume their sorrows.

I felt angry that I damned everyone in here when I found the bunker. Angry that I wasn't here to help find a solution.

But the anger which burned even brighter was that of Gideon's death.

Octavia had used him as a lesson. He had no chance of getting out of the arena. Even if Spring, Lyla, and Molly weren't here and able to be used against him as leverage. Octavia would have killed him anyway.

Not just because they needed the protein, but because he was secretly planning a way to revive the plant storage which would overthrow Octavia in the process.

"And it worked. Whatever he had created, revived all the plants it was used on. It was the reason Octavia planned for Jackson to stab him in the back by getting Gideon caught with stolen medicine." My hands grew white as I clenched my fists. A painful yell banging on my chest as it willed to be released.

I choked it down, not wanting to explode in front of Indra. My hands forcibly uncurling as I set them flat on the small metal table.

"Lyla and Molly will be told all of this after we have saved them." I ordered as I stood from the metal stool. "I take it Gideon began Sonchakru with your help. Which is why you never told Lyla and Molly the truth." Indra nodded as I rolled my shoulders back.

"Gideon learned a lot from you. He was a brave and loyal man. A great father, a flawless fighter. You would have been proud." I felt a smile cross my face as I shook my head.

"No, Indra, I am proud. And I'm getting everyone to that valley safe. Even if it kills me."

_______•*•*•*•_______

Controlling the raging fire within me was difficult as I ventured to the training room. The vacant room perfect for me to have a meltdown without burning anyone.

I moved a dummy into the center of the room before grabbing one of the longer training staffs off the wall. My hands turning the wooden rod over and over in my grasp. After getting used to the weight of the staff, I proceeded to release the anger inside of me.

That peaceful meadow I had seen only an hour before nothing but a dream as I let my flame burn.

The dummy struggled to contest my blows as I attack from all angles, the wood splintering slowly as I allowed my rage to consume me.

I thought of Gideon. Who had been brave enough to seek out the right thing. Who had won but was slain.

I thought of Molly. Who had to watch as her son was cut down. Who had to then look at the cubed protein in front of her and wonder if that was him.

I thought of Lyla. Who is strong but now must raise her child alone without her father. Who had to bear the pain of losing her one and only lover for the sake of their child.

I though of Spring. Who is my goddaughter. Who I have vowed to protect the moment I laid eyes on her. Who will grow up without her father as I did only she will never be able to meet him again. Spring, who was a miracle born even in the darkest of times.

I thought of Octavia. Who slaughtered Gideon in cold blood. Who has let the darkness consumed her. Octavia, who was abandoned by me.

I pained cry tore from my chest as I swung down with the staff. The wood completely splitting in two as I stood on the mat panting.

If I hadn't run off to save my love and my family, I could have been here trying to protect these people.

I dropped to my knees as I felt my heart tearing inside of my chest. This was my fault. I found the bunker. I co-won the rights to the bunker for Octavia. I wanted to die but ended up running to Bellamy.

My lungs quit working as I clawed at my chest. My own body vengeful as it blamed me for this darkness.

A hand set itself gently on my shoulder. The touch so faint I wouldn't have felt it there if the owners voice hadn't called out to me.

"Seda? Are you okay?" Her voice was so small. It was a whisper or a whisper.

I brought a shaking hand up to rest it on top of hers, wanting to make sure she was really there. A pained sigh left my lips as I gently squeezed her hand.

"I'm not, Madi. But I hope someday I can be." The young girl wrapped her arms around me as she slid to the floor in front of me. My own arms coming to wrap around her as I took a shaky breath. Her forehead resting in the crook of my neck as I set my cheek on the top of her head.

If I hadn't of found this bunker. If I hadn't of gone to Becca's lab. If I hadn't needed to manually launch my family up into space, then Madi would have been all alone. Clarke and I wouldn't have had a reason to be on the surface as we all would have burned up in the wave. She would have been the last human on earth until Diyoza reached her. Who knows what that would have led to.

But now, Madi has become a key player for everyone.

"Madi." The younger girl pulled back to look me in the eyes. "There is one story Clarke and I never told you."

The girl cocked her head as she pulled her hand to rest them on her lap. Her expression eagerly waiting for my next words.

"It is about a little girl who could save her people by sacrificing her youth."

"How does it end, Persphyni?" I sighed running a hand through my hair.

"Honestly. I don't know. What I do know, is that she had a guiding hand to help her along every step of the way. So she was never alone."

"What's the girl's name?"

"Her name is Madi kom Louwoda Klironkru and she chose to unite Wonkru beneath the Flame."