Persphyni: I am Determined

67

I bared my teeth as I snarled back towards Cooper. "You've made a mistake." I felt the anger rising as the storm rolled outside.

Thunder boomed and lightening crackled as the storm swirled ever closer. The lights twitch shadowing my face as the darkness I had hidden for so long crept forward.

"You may know my name, but you have no idea who I am. You speak so casually towards me as if you have the right." I pushed off from the table. No longer grabbing onto the surface as I moved towards Cooper. "I saved your life by finding that bunker. I made Octavia win the Conclave. I am responsible for killing all but one of those warriors. I'm the monster who is responsible for you having the chance to breathe. So watch your tongue or I'll find a more violent solution." I was within a foot of her. Her fear radiating from her body as I glared down at her. She tried to stand tall but my domineering stare weakened her stance as she bowed her neck slightly.

When she remained silent I turned back around. My eyes flashing to the people around me. Indra stared blankly. Miller wasn't even looking my way. Clarke was shocked. Bellamy stared at my face curiously his eyes searching for my own but I turned away too quick. But Octavia. She was enraged.

"You saved no one. I kept them alive in that bunker. We would have all died. And it would have been because we were left in the bunker." She yelled. I smirked as I walked back to the table.

"I never said I kept you alive. I said I got you to where you needed to be in order to have a chance to survive. If I wanted you dead, I would have killed you myself." I spoke low, hands tightening on the table.

"O. Pers, that's enough." I spared Bellamy a glance.

"It's not. Not when the leader of a group of people won't listen to reason and instead willingly puts their people in more danger! With great risk comes great reward, right Blodreina?" I hissed out, canines bared as I viciously grinned.

"This isn't the time to be bickering." Indra's voice rose from beside us as Octavia and I glared at one another.

"You're right. Besides. There's a sandstorm that is in between us and Polis. Which never would have been a problem if someone had listened." I pushed away from the table, knowing I needed to cool down. "Do whatever the hell you want Blodreina. Their blood is not on my hands. When you're ready, I'll take the world back. At some point, you're going to run out of energy and you'll be crushed. I just hope I'm there to catch it before you suffocate." I turned and left the tent. Needing to escape and get fresh air as Octavia finally began to speak.

As I exited the tent, hundreds of eyes were trained on me. Clearly they had heard everything.

"You all should be packing! Your leader is prepared to begin marching!" They scattered like flies to their tents to begin to pack back up. My feet moving towards the still burning fire. At least there was one less tent we had to worry about.

I tightened my grasp on my daggers as footsteps approached. My head turning to see five men approach, three women behind them.

"Wanlida." the first male dipped his head in greeting. The rest followed as I turned around fully. I nodded back staring at the group curiously.

"We cannot talk much here, but know there is more in your favor than you think. Gideon was a loyal friend to us and you." I remained silent, digesting the information.

"When the time comes, we will stand beside you, Shila." One of the females spoke up. The others nodding in agreement.

"Please go and pack up. We are moving soon." I spoke softly, glancing behind them towards the tent flaps that opened wildly for Octavia. Her glare piercing as we made eye contact.

The group moved away casually as I remained where I was in front of the blazing fire. The flames licking at my heels as the heat built up behind me.

She broke the stare first as she stomped away. A sigh leaving my lips as I recalled the last few moments.

Anger gave me no right to lash out. But it felt so good. To have a small explosion and get it all of my chest. I don't regret it. Because frankly it's the truth.

Yes, I want to get back to Eden. But not in such a way that puts them all in this much danger. It would be no problem if it was just me. But with hundreds more, it is difficult to not fret and overanalyze every little thing.

It's almost funny.

I want to destroy lives while protecting others.

By whatever means necessary.

I turned towards the storm that rolled by. My own emotions churning inside. The roaring. The flashes. The chaos. The destruction. The beauty.

It was the embodiment of my inner turmoil.

I had to be careful. I had to think with my gut. Go off my instincts. And listen to my head. I couldn't follow my heart.

I knew if I follow my heart then I wouldn't be able to do all that was required of me.

I needed to regain the respect of these people. I needed their respect so I could lead them to safety and make sure I protected all that I could.

I won't abandon them again. I won't let her sit in the darkness burning in pent up rage and anger any longer. I am going to be there for her. Even if she doesn't want me to, I failed her once.

I will not fail her again.

Even if my means are unconventional.