Persphyni: I am Determined

68

"Pers. Persphyni." I turned from where I was staring at the storm. An idea coming to mind.

"Bellamy. I know that look. We'll talk later about what happened, but I have an idea." He opened his mouth to interject but stopped and nodded.

"We'll talk as soon as we're done." I nodded in agreement and smiled brightly.

"We're going into the storm."

_______•*•*•*•_______

I managed to get the rest of Wonkru who hadn't taken down any tents to leave them up as well as the fires. We needed to make it seem like we were still there. I got Indra on board and she helped do the rest. After all, she was the general of the first battalion. She held high authority in the ranks and they had to listen to her.

Octavia didn't have much to say but I could see that secretly she was glad that what had been decided wasn't an act of retreating in the sense of returning to Polis.

And that's how we got here.

Standing in the middle of the storm, huddling to protect Clarke and Octavia. Bellamy beside me as we interlocked with the other warriors. Indra at my other side calling orders to her fighters. Miller on the other side of Bellamy.

"Do you want to talk now?" I spoke up over the rushing wind coming from the sharp sand. Loud enough for him to hear me but not for others to hear.

"Really? Now?" I nodded as I braced for the impact of another gust of sand.

"Why not? We're going to be here for a while!" He looked at me as I gave him a small smile. He caved, his shoulders falling as he sighed and grimaced at the sand on our heavily covered backs.

"What the hell happened in there? You were stone one minute and then you were ablaze." I laughed at his description before calming down. A sigh leaving my lips.

"I don't know exactly. I felt this rage rise in my chest and I let it consume my actions. I lost my composure. I had a moment of weakness." I sighed looking around at the small circle. "I won't let it happen again." He nodded, digesting my words.

"I'm glad you said something. Though I feel you may have been too abrupt, I also know that your heart held good intentions. Aggression is kind of your way of showing you care- in some form or another." I laughed at his words. Deciding to avoid the topic of my heart.

"You certainly have met my end of aggression on more than one occasion." He laughed at my reference to us fighting- a lot.

"You must care about me a lot then." I smiled and bumped my hip with his. Turning away slightly as I felt flustered.

"You have no idea."

_______•*•*•*•_______

When the storm finally broke, I pulled away from the battalion's ranks and examined the damage. I saw many members limp in the arms of others. Indra had fallen onto me many hours ago, leaning on me as she kept her calls going until she no longer could. I gently laid Indra down on the sand as I turned towards Bellamy.

I undid my side of the thick tent canvas I had layered across our backs before rolling it towards Bellamy's side. Glass sticking into the material as I rolled it up and threw it to the sand.

"I'm glad your tent wasn't burnt down." I spoke aloud as I checked Bellamy for any more signs of glass. Both of our heads had been covered as well as all the way down to our heels. I had been left unscathed as well as Bellamy, but the rest were not as fortunate.

"I'll take Indra, you help Miller and Clarke." Bellamy nodded and began to help Clarke move Octavia before going over to Miller to do a head count.

I gently swooped down and lifted Indra from beneath her arms. Her heels dragging lightly as I gently moved her backwards. I propped her onto the sand before moving around to kneel in front of her.

"Indra. Indra, can you hear me? We're going to help you. I need you to stay strong for a few more minutes. Clarke's going to come over here shortly." She didn't say anything, but her hand rose to rest on my own. It was almost deja vu. Only there was no Pike, and an army of three hundred hadn't been massacred. And I hadn't been shot... Yet. I don't want to jinx it.

I turned my head towards Octavia who was staring intently at me. Her face revealing nothing as I slowly stood from Indra's side. Her hand falling to the sand as I walked towards Octavia.

"They will die for you." I began as I finally stopped two feet from her. "Wield that carefully. It is not a toy you can manipulate." Then I turned and walked away, knowing she couldn't follow me.

I scanned the men and women around me, taking a mental note of those laying still and those helping others.

I walked further passed the group and approached the sand hills that formed a small valley. This direction would take me back to Eden. Just straight through the sand and onward. I glared and crossed my arms- if only it were that easy.

I brought my hand up to my neck and grasped the silver moon. My fingers fiddling with the pendant.

A war raging in my mind as I stared off into the horizon. One minute I was calm then the next I was a raging fire.

I know who I was. I know who I like to think I am. But I can't tell if I'm trying too hard to be who I once was.

Maybe I can have them both. Maybe I can find my balance. Between light and dark. Between Wanlida and Atlys. Between Pers and Persphyni.

Or maybe I'll finally find who I am.

Persphyni Atlys Kane.

I am determined to find who that truly is.