Persphyni: I am Determined

25

"Faster." I held the homemade pads firmly in front of me as Madi punched. "Again."

Jab, jab-cross, jab, jab, jab-cross, slip, hook

"Again." Madi did it once more quickly and efficiently. Her punches soft but precise.

"Good." I unwrapped the pads and freed my hand as I used my right to ruffle the young girl's hair. "We will work on getting your weight behind your swings."

She looked up at me with a beaming smile before running over towards the berry bowl Clarke was picking through.

I'd been working with Madi on her combat skills and Trig. Clarke was teaching her medical skills and more English. It was a good mix, plus when we got the chance we taught her basic life skills and survival tips.

I will say that I've taught her how to be a bit of a storyteller. I'd been teaching both of them. Clarke was already pretty good at it, there isn't really much to it. Other than having a voice and way of speaking that captures the audience. That's the most difficult part.

You can memorize a story by heart and tell it word for word, but if you don't persuade the audience that they should listen, then they won't.

"Pers, come try these!" Madi yelled over, excitement lighting up the seven year olds face as she turned back to the bowl.

I smiled and tucked the pads under my arm while making my way over. My hand ruffling Madi's hair as I stood between her and Clarke.

"Here. Your hands are dirty." I laughed but bent down and opened my mouth for Clarke to place the berry on my tongue.

I chewed the berry and smiled when I tasted the slightly bitter but refreshing taste.

"This would taste good as a tea." I commented as I opened my mouth for another. Clarke rolled her eyes as she fed me another.

"I'll let you know when I find a kettle." I stuck my tongue out at her sarcastic remark to Madi's amusement.

"You are so silly." I gasped and place a hand on my chest.

"Me! Silly! Oh my goodness." I pace a hand to my forehead fainting. "Clarke, I don't believe it."

I heard Madi's giggle and Clarke's stifled laughter at my dramatic actions. The sounds bringing a smile to my face as I brought my hand down and took in the two girls in front of me.

It had been a hard year. And seeing the two of them smiling and laughing brought brightness to my life.

I had hit a low point. My darkness had caught up to me and forced me to sleep. But I never got any rest. All I could do was sit back as nightmarish dreams and wishes played out in front of my eyes. Some were past haunts I had witnessed and done, others were bad situations with sad outcomes.

But the most evil of dreams were the happy ones. All I did was wake up to the disappointment that it was only my imagination.

I wouldn't mind being dream deprived again. Or at least I wouldn't mind getting rid of the happy ones. I have dealt and will continue to deal with the haunting visions I can see and know that they have past. But seeing and living the what could have been, it hurts.

The "what could have been" is tortuous all on its own. It can drive a man insane. The only reason I haven't lost my mind is because I never had one to lose in the first place.

Never had an optimistic outlook or a bright future. From the first bloodshed, I knew then and there that nothing would change. I would be a killer until my last bloodshed, which would be my own.

"Pers. Pers. You're doing it again." Clarke gently shook me from my thoughts as I refocused on the two girls. Both of their eyes holding concern as I gave them a smile.

"Sorry. I was just thinking." Madi grabbed my hand and squeezed it. Her silent support all I needed to pull myself from the slum. "Thank you, Mads." I put a hand on Clarke's shoulder. "Thank you, Clarke."

_______•*•*•*•_______

I nailed the last step to the tree. The old hammer was basically just a hunk of metal with a grip. With a sigh, I wiped my forehead with my sleeve and tossed the hammer down onto the ground several feet below me. I stood on a thick branch with a rope wrapped around myself and the tree for precaution.

I had been working on finding a secret place for myself. Clarke found a cave and Madi had her hiding spot. It took me most of the year, but I finally found this tree that overlooks the valley below. It sits a few feet away from the cliff face and stands the tallest, like a sentry watching over the small Eden. Which is exactly what I was planning on doing.

After I found the tree a few months ago, I had been collecting supplies and drawing up sketches for a treehouse I could make my own little hideaway and lookout spot.

I'd finally managed to collect all that I needed for the build phase and snuck it into the Rover before heading off after lunch.

I didn't want Madi nor Clarke to know about it. Call me selfish. But I needed a space I can hideaway from their positivity and sunshine.

And a space I can keep this safe.

I don't need anyone finding these letters until I'm dead and gone. These are meant to be an insight to my mind and life after I've passed.

Though I guess in your case, after you come back down and find out that I had actually survived the wave only to die after breaking out of the lab.

It's been 365 days since I sent you away. I hope you're being able to keep everyone afloat. You always did have a way with words.

In time, Bell.
Pers