Persphyni: I am Determined

16

I took off an hour before sunrise. Map in hand and bag fully packed. I was prepared for a five day journey. This time with plenty of water and food to sustain myself. I had written Clarke a note, telling her where I went with the map and that I'd be back by the sixth sunrise.

If not, then I was probably dead.

But I doubt that would be the case. I won't go down easy. And who knows. Maybe I'll just get so tired I actually can fall asleep for a few hours- without my mind tormenting me.

I guess it could have been worse. I could be having nightmares and the sudden memories from others. But after I nearly died from radiation the connection was somehow blocked. I didn't have anymore sudden memories to draw from. However the ones I did have were stored somewhere in the control organ.

As the sun began to rise, I had to adjust my outfit to cover myself from the rays that would soon be beaming down once the morning cool dissipated. My cloak was pulled over my head and fabric was tied around my face to protect from inhaling sand as the winds began to whip the sediment around.

I had replaced my black long sleeve shirt with a white tank top I had found in a dresser of one of the old residents of the village. The color helping keep me cool as the sun didn't cling to it as much as the dark fabric of my cloak and pants.

I hadn't remembered exactly how awful the sand dunes were, but now I do. And I hate them more than the last time.

My feet slid and I had to focus on my balance every step of the way. Driving my knees up and steadying myself when I planted.

As I walked I couldn't help but think about that saying, "one foot in front of the other" it was motivating. But also annoying when it was the only thing going through your head for two hours.

If the sand dunes weren't as hard to climb as they were, then I'd have been halfway there by now. But seeing as it's midday, the sun is glaring, and the only way I'm getting any form of shade is by curling up on the side of a dune where there was a small overcast from the sheer size of the lump of sand. I'm not getting very far.

I drank some water and grabbed a few berries and nuts from my bag. The fruit a small portion as they would all have to be eaten today to keep them from going bad.

It was strange. Being alone again. It wasn't like Clarke or anyone else for that matter was five minutes away. I was essentially stranded.

It was a feeling I hadn't felt in a while. But the strangest part, is it felt nice. It felt good knowing that I now really only had myself to rely on. Physically, emotionally, and mentally.

It was just my thoughts, this journal, and I.

However, I couldn't help the small desire for companionship. The little spark of need to have someone else there. To know someone else was there. It was something I had developed on the ground, whether it was humans or horse.

My sweet Erebus. He was my best companion of them all.

The view of the sand began to grow blurry as I blinked back the memories. He really was an amazing creature.

It made me wonder what these next five years would have look like if he had survived. A fool's wish. Unless he had Nightblood, I will find him across that bridge when it's time.

_______•*•*•*•_______

I had made it to the halfway point when shit began to hit the fan. The temperature began to drop as the sun made its descent toward the horizon. My trek less hot as I wanted to try to cover as much ground as possible before I had to rest again during the hottest part of the day after the sun rose tomorrow.

Clearly, I was a little too ambitious with that goal as I soon found myself sprinting across the terrain. Just, I wasn't running for the hell of it.

There was an army of brown, tiny, swarming bodies on the ground. An army I wasn't too keen on fighting as they chased after me on the suddenly flat landscape.

I couldn't identify what the hell they were, the only thing I knew is they were fast and if they are dangerous- then I didn't stand a chance after the first wave of the tiny creatures would have descended. So I ran.

I ran until the sun had officially fallen below the horizon and there was only a small portion of skylight that still lit up the dunes. I had to let my eyes adjust to the sudden darkness as I refused to turn around. If I turned around now I could easily become disoriented and slow down enough for those creatures to reach me.

It's funny. Clarke probably would have tried to cook and eat them if she could. I needed fire to do that. And unfortunately for me, I was out in the middle of nowhere without a single tree in sight.

I sprint-climbed the loose sand of the dune and took a breath at the top to look down. It was quiet. The spider-like things were gone. And I was alone again.

I sighed in relief as I collapsed to sit on the dune. My bag off and canteen in hand as I replenished my energy I had just used in escaping whatever those bugs had been.

My eyelids felt heavy but my brain wasn't shutting down.

I could shout and scream and start a fight. But my brain just couldn't sleep. I was on edge even if my body felt relaxed.

Would this be my fate? Insomnia that would slowly kill me.

Bell,

Still can't sleep. Even though I just spent an hour running from small creatures that would have eaten me alive.

I can't figure it out. Why now? Why can I no longer sleep? I've been here before but nowhere as bad as it is now. I can barely even take naps.

If I don't figure this out, then I may not be alive when you come down in five years time. And it will be all my fault.

Writing helps make me tired, but I can never reach that stage where my brain goes silent.

The stars are pretty. Can you see them? They're probably closer from where you are at, making them more tangible. But from down here they still look like little sparkles.

Did you see that! That little star. The one that just went streaking across the sky?

In my head you did. And I hope we wished for the same thing.

My insomnia to go away. I'm only joking.

I wish that the five years would go by quickly. I guess I never considered that the time sentence would feel longer now that I have something other than death to look forward to.

In time, Bell.
Pers