Persphyni: I am Determined

50

I turned slowly. My head low as I lifted my legs over and around the bench. Eyes slowly trailing up to his face. His eyes watering too as I looked at him.

We were so far apart. Yet only three feet of space distanced us from the other.

"Is this real?" I finally asked as I stared into his soft brown eyes. I felt this tugging in my chest. Like a magnet being pulled to its other half.

"I should be asking you that, Smartass." I laughed, tears falling from my eyes as I stood from the bench.

"You've grown a beard." He chuckled and nodded.

"I have. You've cut your hair. And gotten more freckles." I smiled a watery smile. He opened his arms and I launched myself at him. His arms quick to wrap themselves around me as I did the same to him.

"And I didn't cut my hair. Its just in braids." I grumbled into his chest.

In his embrace all of my worries, my stresses, my anger, my pain, they all just evaporated. I was with him. I didn't have to stand guard now, I was safe.

I tightened my grasp around him. My head burrowing further into his chest as his rested on the top of my hair.

"I was so angry. I was angry that you sacrificed yourself to save us. I was angry that you knocked me out. I was angry that I couldn't do anything to save you. You saved us. You saved all of us. You saved me." He whispered as he tightened his hold on me. "I hated myself. All of these years. I did things that I regretted based off pure emotion. Because I let go of the one thing that chased away the darkness with several different deadly weapons. I let go of you."

"You didn't have much of a choice." He laughed. The sound was music to my ears as I soaked it in. I had missed him.

"No. I suppose I didn't." He sighed. Holding me still. "I thought you died. The sun disappeared and I wasn't happy. The stars didn't shine and the moon was never there. Because my moon was lost."

"Bellamy. I'm sorry for the pain I put you through." I closed my eyes as I stole his warmth.

"I'm sorry we didn't get here soon enough so I could find you." I pulled back slightly so I could look at his face.

"I'm sorry that you didn't have access to a razor blade while up in the ring." He gasped, stepping away slightly.

"How dare you! And to think we were making up." I chuckled. Shaking my head.

"I missed you Bell." I brought him back into a hug. My face pressed against his chest.

"I missed you more. So much more. Persphyni."

We stood in silence for a few minutes. Giving each other time to fully comprehend that the other was there and alive.

"Bellamy. What happens now?" I asked as I slowly let go of the hug.

"Well. We're going to use Diyoza's ship to bust open the bunker and then we will split this valley in half." I blinked. Stepping backwards further.

"I had meant with us. But what do you mean, split the valley?" I paused and switched to Trig. "I will not share Eden with these people. I have worked hard to establish a balance between man and nature. These criminals will only destroy that." I watch Bellamy stare at me curiously. I opened my mouth and got ready to translate when he stopped me.

"I understand." He responded in Trig. My eyes widening as he continued. "But aren't you tired of fighting? We have the chance to have peace. To establish a safe place here for everyone. Will you not even consider it." My hand trailed to my neck. The habit still there even after six years of not having it.

"I can't. Not until they have shown me they can be trusted." Besides, all I knew was the fight.

"And what after we get our people from the bunker?" I lifted an eyebrow.

"Our people in the bunker will hopefully listen to me. At least they'll give me a chance to. I have no sway over these invaders. Not until they know who I am." Bellamy's shoulders fell, air leaving is lungs.

"We were invaders too once." I smiled sadly before replying in English.

"I know."

We were silent. Each scanning over the other's face. My eyes traced over the man I had left and found someone who wanted peace. A hopeful version of the one I had put to sleep a long time ago.

"Bellamy. We each will do what we believe is right. I do not think my path is morally right by any means. But I do feel like it is something that I must do." I saw his face fall further with my words. "You have changed. In a good way. I see a hope in your eyes. It is the goodness of your heart that is leading you. I hope it proves my method wrong."

I paused. My feet moving now as I walked to stand beside him facing the open exit.

"Bellamy. I lo- I want you to know that I will be at your side should you need me." I waited to see if he was going to say anything before leaving. When no words were exchanged I began to exit.

Each step small and slow as my heart tore itself into smaller pieces. To say I got stronger with each fracture seemed to be towards most things. Except for matters of my heart.

And now I was walking away. I was walking away from the only man I have ever loved. The only man I love.

Because I'm a coward. Because I am afraid.

"Persphyni."

And I stopped.