( u might have to play the song a couple times throughout the chapter since this is kinda long, the song is before i close my eyes by xxxtentacion)
before i lay me down to sleep,
i pray the lord my soul to keep.
i hope it's not too late for me,
now.
4 month pregnant althea, walked into the visiting area for the funeral. Her heart ached, her hair lightly curled, as she hadn't put any effort for makeup.
Her eyes were heavy. Broken. Her heart throbbed.. she sat in a constant state of grief, pain, and most
importantly, anger.
She looked around as people and fans stared at the security surrounding her as she walked. She gulped, feeling a lump in her throat. Walking over to her friends and stokeley as she began crying her eyes out for the hundredth time today.
"how are you?" cleo frowned sadly with tears down her face rubbing althea's arm. "doing my best.. and you?"
"miserable."
"you're allowed to scream, your allowed to cry, and grieve. but do not give up" solomon reminded all of us as we all held one another in tears. I pulled away from stokeley who, was attempting to hold his tears. I grabbed a napkin wiping my eyes with it as i saw everyone taking turns at seeing his casket.
I decided to walk over, to see my baby for the last time.
I walked up the stairs.
Taking a deep breathe .
I walked to his casket. Placing my hand on his heart. I would never be able to feel that beat again. I sobbed into his jacket, leaning my head into his chest. Begging and pleading for him to hold me back. To squeeze my hand, to rise from the casket and tell me it's okay, to remind me how much he hated seeing my cry,
but he didn't.
I finally lifted my head up after a hot minute. wiping my face as i looked at his. It looked so fake and unreal. I brought my lips to his. Giving the boy one last kiss. I never wanted to let go. I wanted jahseh back. I wanted the things we had, i wanted the memories, we finally were healthy and learned how to love one another correctly. And he was just taken right away from me. ripped right from my hands.
I walked back finding myself a seat near our friends. It hurt seeing how many people truly cared for jahseh. Stokeley broke down into his lap as tariq kept comforting the boy, followed by tank.
Finally after waiting , i was called up for a speech. I stood infront of the podium, coughing lightly. Me being the last one i was quite nervous.
" i didn't prepare much to say.." i spoke raspily as cleo sobbed. I looked at all the fans, and people in tears. I closed my eyes.
"my soulmate, jahseh onfroy. He was the light in the darkest of tunnels, he filled my life and many others with sacred memories that i will never share due to how much i value them. He filled specifically my life with adventure, and joy. Me and jahseh go way back... before this music stuff. He was my bestfriend, my person, my soulmate and most importantly now the father to our unborn child. I don't think there will ever be a day where i forget you, or the things we had.. and did. Jahseh i thank u, wherever u are. I thank u for showing me what true and unconditional love felt like, i thank u for holding my hand thru the hard times, i thank u for constant updates on ur life, and i even thank u for the times ud wake my sleepy self up at 3am just to ask me for help with ur music." i paused beginning to cry. "i don't think you ever realized how much u impacted mine and other lifes. I will miss u, and miss u, and miss u, until my body is no longer. I will cry and cry and cry until i get to feel u in my arms once more. I promised to always protect u, shelter you, and love u with all i can, and i failed. I failed you. But regardless, i love u more than life itself. I can't wait to bring our child, the only thing i have left of u, healthily into this world.. to take after u and shine in ur footsteps. I miss you jah, to the astral planes and back. So this is my final goodbye, please hold me in spirit on nights i need it the most. Please rest ur head on my shoulder when i'm weary. Please hold my hand as i give birth to our child. I won't let u down jah, i will continue what you made, the fans , family, music, i will cherish them until i'm forced to not. Without another word, i love you jahseh. I'm truly truly broken. You will be missed, goodbye baby." i finished folding my paper as the room was full of sobs, i was the last speech. Before i close my eyes began blasting on the speaker, as guards and friends carried his casket to the grave. Stokeley sobbed, tariq cried, craig cried, etc. I placed my hand over my mouth falling to the ground on the stage as i watched them carry him away. Security ran to me, turning the mic off, and sheltering me. They hid me so people could hardly see.
"careful thea" one spoke as he handed me his hand but i sat still crying.
"why don't u go help stoke.." alexa suggested helping me up. As i walked over to the boys, they lowered his casket into the ground. Everyone flung flowers on it.
Stokeley stared, numbly. I reached down to his hand grabbing it and placing it to my heart. I laid a gentle kiss for a moment closing my eyes. He began sobbing harder, i pulled him into my arms as they covered his casket in dirt.
This was a final goodbye.
TO BE CONTINUED...
