JAHSEH's pov.
"can u text althea, she hasn't answered me in like 2 months" coolie stated as he walked into my room where geneva and i laid. "no" geneva spoke up as i rolled my eyes. "she's an old friend of ours neva, relax"
I was confused on why he was asking me, knowing i hadn't talked to her in atleast 4 months. i pulled my phone out anyways automatically texting althea.
'everything ok?'
oh shit, it didn't go through.
"thanks" coolie spoke before walking out. I shrugged it off not too worried. "are we together jahseh?" geneva asked as her head laid on my chest. "no" i stated obviously. "I fucking hate that I love you still" I admitted looking at her in the eyes. "baby i still love you, still love we can make this work jahseh i swear we can-"
"No we can't Gen" the old me would've been holding her. Telling her I love her and probably ending up fucking her everywhere, but I couldn't do that anymore , i didn't want to anymore.
I slowly walked to the door opening it for the girl. "See you later Gen" she stared at me in disgust, stepping out of the house while i sighed.
I was officially getting over her,
except now i was deeply falling for althea. we no longer talked, and i knew it was my fault. If i could just get over these insecurities, i could have her and not be in pain over this every night.
***
"she still hasn't answered, i'm going to her house" coolie spoke up, after waiting 4 hours for a response, with still none to be found.
"i'm coming" i spoke up as he nodded.
***
"althea!" i knocked on the door with still no answer.
we heard a click, unlocking it. but only seeing mia. "hey guys! what's up?" she asked confused. "is althea home?"
"yea. but she's been sleeping a lot these passes few days, i think it's because my moms back in town
trying to take custody of me or maybe she has other stuff going on i don't know, but she's just been sleeping, she just got back from hanging out with friends." mia spoke as if it was normal. My heart ached for the 14 year old girl, she didn't understand.
"oh okay, we'll we're gonna try and talk to her" coolie spoke as she nodded. We walked to her room, opening the door quietly to see a sleeping althea, as expected.
I saw a xanax bottle next to her bed. Just as avani said there always would be, maybe althea really did rely on drugs.
I rushed over grabbing it quickly, seeing it only have a few left. I immediately started panicking.
"althea" i spoke loudly shaking her awake. "huh?" she questioned confused as i let out a breathe, assuring me she didn't do what i thought she did.
"jahseh why do u have those, wait why are u even here? are u okay?" she spoke raspily rubbing her eyes. "what's wrong althea?" i questioned taking a seat next to her as coolie made his way out back to the living room to wait. "im fine jah" she lied. i could see it. The way her eyes dropped, her smile faking, and her body failing.
"why do you try so hard to shut the world out?" i whispered to her.
she was so beautiful. so amazing in all that she did. everyone knew it too. from the way her smile made the world seem whole again to the way she put the broken pieces of my soul back together. i didn't understand how someone like her could believe she wasn't enough.
"because nobody sees me" she whispered back. "they see the girl that i pretend to be"
and suddenly, i knew what she meant.
all those nights she spent alone, screaming at the mirror because she couldn't stand what she saw. all those times she held onto me, hoping that if she got close enough, it would turn her into someone else. she learned to shut the world out because it had broken her heart. nobody had ever seen the person underneath her mask and still fallen in love with her. so she forced herself to change. and she made it so that everyone who fell in love with her, fell in love with a version of her that didn't exist.
i know that, because
i feel the same way.
Instead of doing what most would do, give her words of courage and motivation. I kissed her, because kissing to me was comfort. I found comfort in that, and if she were anything like me, which i knew for a fact she was it would help.
i'm lying, i kissed her because i..
i love althea, and i just couldn't figure out why.
With bpd, ur brain attaches itself to a person, and they automatically become your comfort person. Wether that be because u spend so much time with them, or the way the give your heart everything it desires. I think, althea had become my comfort person, and now i couldn't move on from her.
I needed her, or else i was gonna go crazy.
