JAHSEH's pov.
(fyi i love this chapter 😔💝)
"i can't believe my shits going viral" i chuckled , ranting to althea as she smiled in awe. "i'm proud of u jahseh"
I liked althea. To admit that was hard, but i genuinely liked her.
I haven't told her, nor do i plan on it. I knew i was capable of hurting her, and i was not willing to risk that.
I know she liked me too. She had a twinkle in her eye, every time i talked about things that made me happy, there would be a plastered, goofy smile on her face. She supported me, she wanted what was best for me, she gave me this... feeling that i loved and,
even if the feeling is only for a moment
then i would let my intentions be known to the universe that i would want to experience all of her for at least one moment
because i desire to be with her even ...,
if it's only for a moment.
Aslong as i was around her, i knew i'd be okay.
"jahseh?" she questioned snapping me back in to my trance. "sorry" i apologized continuing to scroll on my phone as her head laid softly on my shoulder.
"coolie let me listen to some of members only music, it was honestly really good" she spoke softly as i smiled licking my lips. "it means a lot to us, we love making music"
"i see, your room at bruno's is full of music tapes and cds" she chuckled lifting her head up. "jahseh , can i ask you something"
"of course" i reassured looking at her as she stared down to her fingers. "do you ever think like , if u disappeared no one would even notice... like ur invisible in everyone's world." she frowned as i furrowed my eyebrows.
"i do althea, is everything okay?" i questioned as she nodded quickly. "yeah i'm okay, just curious"
"wanna know something" i questioned as she faced herself in-front of me and nodded. I sighed, knowing what i was about to tell her would show her that i trusted her. I hated being vulnerable, because i couldn't risk letting anyone hurt me again. Maybe i was the problem.
"growing up, that was exactly how i felt. My mom was never home, my grandma was the only one who atleast tried to notice me, Besides my younger brother, i was with him all the time but i made bad decisions that resulted in my mom taking him away from me. this sounds selfish but i would never admit i was lonely. You know, there's not a thing i could say or music i could make for your mind to change, and i'm not gonna ask u to stay for me or trust me , but let me ask you althea, when was the last time u felt genuinely happy with being yourself?"
"When i met avani.."
"i'm sorry to hear that."
"i have to admit something to you"
"go ahead."
"when i met u, i disliked u, a lot" she chuckled before continuing "but i felt like, i knew u. I felt like i understood you the day i helped u bandage ur arm, u said u punched the wall due to an argument, and when u told me, i realized u were just like me." she spoke, genuinely. Like she truly meant it. "and then i realized that u allowed me to be myself in your presence. You brought me comfort in myself, so i thank you for that jahseh." her body leaned in, but not to visibly to human eye. I noticed though, because i studied her.
"i was scared to be friends with u, because i thought u were too good and you were popular so i assumed u were like a groupie. but the passed months, i've realized how much u mean to me." i spoke, but i couldn't admit i liked her...
"your like my bestfriend" i lied with a smile. Her posture changed, her body language softened, her smile ... was forced. She leaned backwards trying to cover it up, this is what i meant by i knew i would hurt her.
"yeah, your my bestfriend too jahseh. Avani would've been so jealous" she tried changing the subject as i chuckled. "coolie gets offended when we hangout without him, so does stokeley. He ran in my room today asking why he's never allowed to hangout with us"
"oh gosh" she shook her head laughing.
I loved hearing that laugh of hers, it made me feel safe.
If i knew one thing forsure,
althea was the loneliest person i knew, and by that i mean i knew she felt alone. It's easy to tell the hurt in her heart, yet she covers it so well because
she was just like me.
If there's anything i could do for her,
i would save her from drowning, but i know i can't.
Is that going to stop me? No.
Because if hurting her, means i get to even have her for a portion of my life, as selfish as it sounds, i'd hurt her. Over and over, just to keep her.
