In Love With Formula 1

Part 41

It was now Saturday and I missed my apartment back in Monaco, I got up and cooked a full English for both of us and said to Lando that I needed to get back to Monaco, it's not like we were anything, no one had put a label on it, I didn't want to put a label on it, it was all just suspicions and speculations from journalists. 

I booked a flight for Sunday so this was my last day in England for the foreseeable future, it was nice being here but it just wasn't for me anymore. I packed my stuff up and did some washing and cleaned my room because I was a good guest.

After that I just chilled out, watched some films and went on social media for the day, I didn't have anything planned.

"Have you told everyone that you are leaving" Lando said as he walked in to the living room

"You are making it sound like a break up"

"Well I got used to you being here it will be weird"

"You know where I live, it's not like its the other side of the world, plus its really cold here"

"It is not cold"

"Bloody well is"

I reached over to the TV remote to change the channel before settling back down under at least 3 different blankets, I was convinced it was freezing cold. After a few hours it was getting dark so I went to get some dinner from the kitchen, I sat at the kitchen table and looked at the response to my interview with Jennie, everyone loved it, I didn't see one comment of hate, there were people sharing their experiences in the comments and people were talking to each other, this was the whole idea and it was working.

I went on to the account made for people to talk to me and I saw I had a few messages, there was someone who had an eating disorder so I did what I think anyone would do, I video called them so we could eat together.

I sat there on call to this lovely girl called Evie and we just chatted about life whilst eating our dinner, she told me about the things that she had done in the day and what she was trying to eat for dinner. It was really touching, knowing I was helping real people with real problems, I felt a lot more useful. After I ended the call I went through some other messages and replied to them, I spent nearly 4 hours doing this and it was now 11pm. My flight left at midday tomorrow so I needed to get some sleep.

I walked back to my room to find Lando sitting on my bed, he never came in my room, I was a bit surprised to find him in here.

"Why do you have to leave?" He said as I sat next to him

"I need to, for my own good, and it's a lot warmer over there"

"But this means I probably won't see you till the season starts"

"Gives you time to prepare your speech to confess your love for me" I said with a chuckle, Lando didn't get the joke and I rolled my eyes

"Lando, I'm not the be all and end all, I'm a human being"

"A human I like a lot"

"Well that's on you unfortunately" I couldn't say it back, why couldn't I say it back, I was beginning to feel like I used to, as soon as someone said they liked me I left, it had happened time and time again, I just hurt people, maybe it was a good thing I was going back to Monaco.

"Izzie" Lando said snapping me out of my thoughts

"Hello?" I replied

"What is going on in your head, you are impossible to read, even when you are happy you look like your mind is somewhere else"

I bit my lip trying to think of a response to that, I didn't know what to say

"Least I would be good at poker" I said back to him

"Stop using jokes to cover up things you aren't comfortable with"

"How do you expect me to respond then?" I said slightly raising my voice, I didn't mean to come off as being angry, I immediately shut my emotions off because this was normally where someone would say something really horrible about me

"With real answers, you can't go your whole life using humour to cover up stuff"

He responded in such a calm voice, I didn't know if it was an angry calm or a real calm, I was in shock.

"I don't know what the real answers are" I said back with no emotion to it what so ever

"Can I please get some sleep, I don't want to be in a bad mood tomorrow" I added

"Yeh, sure, night" Lando said as he walked out of my room. I think I annoyed him but I just responded how I normally would.

To try and make things better I ordered a big bunch of flowers to the house for just after I leave with an apology on it, I always thought about the fact that most men get their first bunch of flowers at their funeral so I always wanted to get people flowers, I loved flowers as a gift and I got everyone flowers on their birthday even if they said they hated flowers.

I woke up the next morning and quickly brushed my teeth and got changed, I carried my suitcase downstairs and made myself some breakfast, I looked at my phone to see that the girl I was on call with last night had tagged me on her story saying I really helped her, this was then reposted by BEAT and it was receiving loads of positive feedback. 

An hour passed and I needed to go to the airport, Lando still wasn't up so I wrote a note and slid it under the door and I left as quietly as I could, trying not to disturb him.

I saw the flower van just down the road as I was turning on to the road and I drove to the airport, I had my disposable cameras in my bag still needing to be developed.

I wasn't in the airport long before the plane started boarding, I did my usual, sit down, put my headphones on and wait till we landed. I had gotten used to this routine on flights and it worked for me.

When we landed in France I instantly felt the warm air as I got off the plane, I had missed this a lot. I got my bags and got a taxi to my apartment. When I opened my door I was greeted with my dying plants, I felt so bad I quickly made sure to give them all plenty of water.

I looked at the post that had been growing and realised that there were loads of Christmas cards, I completely forgot about that, I only then realised that it was 23rd December, and my apartment couldn't look any less Christmassy. I didn't like it that much so it wasn't that big of a deal but I was still surprised that I forgot about it.

I unpacked all of my stuff and sat down on my bed, I hadn't really had much time to comprehend how much work I was doing although it was off season, I mean I would be needed in Italy soon enough for karting business but I was realising that I was inspiring a lot of young girls and helping him/her/they with their mental health, I was doing lots of work but I didn't feel overwhelmed by it, I was enjoying it and it was a good distraction sometimes.

I spent my first night back eating pizza delivery and watching really bad films on netlfix whilst I was on my sofa, I ended up falling asleep on my sofa with the pizza box and laptop still on my lap.