A Bit Of Death

The Past

Hotch's POV
We laugh and talk as we pack up Reid's apartment. Then out of another room I hear his voice call out to me, "Aaron can you help me for a second".
I smile to myself and call back, "sure". When I reach Reid he is holding a small box, he looks sad. I know he's had a rough childhood between his parents, school, and his self hate so I'm worried when I see his sad face. I walk slowly up to him and place a hand on his shoulder and say, "what is it?" Nodding at the box in his hands.
He shakes his head and says, "I want it to throw it out, but...I need it. I can't" his voice goes small and I tilt his head and give him a small kiss and move him so we are sitting on the end of his bed. With a shaky hand he undoes the latch but doesn't open it.
Instead he just stares down at the box, my hand drops to his waist and I quietly tell him, "you don't have to".
But he shakes his head again and says "I do". I give his arm a small squeeze and I watch a tear fall from his face. Slowly I reach up and wipe it away, he doesn't look at me but instead stares at the box. Then slowly he opens it, inside is a book. It's huge, there's things stuffed in almost every page and there's something wrapped in the bottom too. I watch as Reid slowly picks up the book and holds it in his hands, they are shaking and I gently place a hand on his and he swallows and goes to open it. Inside there's old blades taped in with dates, weights and calorie entrees, and writings of his pain. I watch as another tear falls down his face and he places the book on his lap, still holding it with one hand. With his other, now free hand he grabs my hand holding it tightly. I read a little but I have to stop almost immediately when I read "June 8th, 18 years old, 0 calories, 96 pounds" and an old blade is taped down and I know it only gets worse. I squeeze his hand tightly when I read it and I look at him. His eyes I squeezed shut, tears slowly falling, he looks like he's in pain. I let go of his hand and take the book from him, closing it and placing it on the bed, I pull him in for a hug and tightly hold him while rocking and hushing him. While I hold him I can feel the sobs he's trying to hold in. After a moment he leans back slightly to grab the wrapped article, I want to stop him but I know he won't let me. I watch as he carefully unwraps the object. Then he revels a coin, looking closer I see that it's not a quarter but a coin with a drawing of a real heart on it.
He quietly says, "I was going to my first therapy session and I found it on the ground. I never went in, I turned around and walk for miles anywhere trying to get away from myself" I don't hesitate as I lean forward and give him a caring kiss, it's salty because I can taste his tears. When we break apart he wipes his eyes and places everything back in the box. His hands are still shaking. I help his shaky hands lock the box and watch as he places the box in the to-keep pile.

Reid's POV
I feel the sobs growing when I read June 8th enter. After I place the box in the to-keep pile Hotch gives me another small kiss and we sit there hugging. We hear footsteps but ignore them since everyone is moving around with boxes.
We don't let go until Morgan is in the doorway and just says "oh...sorry" and walks away. Slowly we break apart and he kisses me one last time and wipes the few tears that escaped my eye and places a kiss on my forehead.
He keeps his lips there and mumbles against me "I love you and I am always here for you".
I whisper "I love you too" my voice barely audible.
He hugs me tightly one last time before we stand and he asks "are you sure" and gestures to the book in the "keep" pile. I nods slowly and his whispers okay. He holds my hand and he walks me to get another box and we go back to the bedroom and start to pack.
* * *
Once the boxes are packed up, everyone loads them into cars and I leave my apartment for the last time. With Emily in the back we all drive with boxes to Hotch's and start to unpack. We drive back and forth and unpack and now on Sunday too. We don't even unpack when we finish moving boxes and furniture. Sleepy and worn, we make our way to our bed and Emily to her room and we all crash. Hotch holds me close and I snuggle into his chest. We fall asleep to each other's warmth.