A Bit Of Death

Secrets Secrets

Reid's POV
Everyone surrounds my desk and the questions come firing at me as I take a small sip from my coffee, he got it perfect. I start with Morgan's question, "what. was. that.?"
I stop to process it before I answer, "well if you haven't figured out yet, walking isn't the easiest for me. And Hotch passes my apartment on the way to work so I asked for a ride because I'm out of the way for everyone else. And we are probably late because I fell in the hall of my building".
I turn to Emily as she says "so there's nothing we are missing between you and Hotch?" I laugh and respond with a long answer about it probably has something to do with shock and I luckily am able to confuse them so everyone seems convinced. I'm also glad that they don't know hotch and I are gay. Hotch is viewed as an alpha male, not gay, he's pretty good at hiding it. As my rant is ending Hotch comes back and I immediately stop knowing something isn't good. He doesn't even say go to the conference room.
"Strauss wants an evaluation. She want to see if the team can properly function due to the shock of the pass few days. I know this isn't procedure but she believes it's necessary because our team is closer than the others. I told her that she can't run this and she is allowing me to run the evaluation. After you finish I want you to wait in the conference room. I will call you in one by one. Emily, you first". I slowly sip my coffee as I wait for my turn. Emily then Morgan. Hotch steps out of his office and Morgan goes to the conference room, he looks at me, "Reid," and then walks back in. I struggle to try and stand but JJ rush to me and helps me up to Hotch's office. We make it to the door and she asks if I'm okay, I tell her I am before I knock and Hotch opens the door. We thank JJ and helps me to the couch. I go to ask him about the evaluation before he cuts me off, "I'm sorry but I believe people think something is up so letting someone else help you can help get them off our backs".
I respond with a reassuring smile, "I understand. Now why all of us, wouldn't it usually just be me doing this?"
He nods slowly and says "yes but I was able to convince Strauss that I'm concerned about the whole team and I don't want to raise any suspicion that could cost us our jobs". I nod understandingly.

Hotch's POV
I run through the standard evaluation with Reid before I join him on the couch. I had closed the blinds before I started Emily's evaluation just preparing for Reid's. I pull him into a hug with my chin resting on his head and he starts crying. In a wobbly voice he says through his sobs, "it hurts so much and this stupid job won't let us be together. I can't do this".
I rub his back soothingly and whisper "hey, yes you can I'm here for you. I'll find away to be with you at work with out people knowing. Don't worry everything will be okay," I repeat my last sentence over and over until his sobs stop. I gently wipe away his tears and press my lips to his. The kiss is long and filled with passion. I can taste his tears in the kiss as I pull him closer. We kiss until we become desperate for air. We rest our foreheads together before I carefully rise pulling him up with me. I walk slowly to the door and embrace him one more time before I have to take him out. His eyes are bloodshot from crying and I know he knows they are.
I hear him quietly speak as he pulls away, "you need your jacket, I got tears on your shirt". I chuckle quietly and grab my jacket, thankfully it was in arms reach. I strategically pull it on while allowing Reid to still use me for balance. He let's go of me with one hand and slowly buttons it up for me.
He snuggles into me and I bury my head in his hair and I mumble into it saying "be brave" and I give him a tight squeeze before we pull apart and I open the door. Together we make it to the conference room. I can tell he is in much more pain because he is using me for even more support. I quickly squeeze his arm before I open the door and lead him in and to his seat. I help him sit and leave not looking back. I quickly go back and finish the evaluations as quick as possible because I feel awful just leaving Reid there alone.

Reid's POV
The second Hotch let's go I already miss him and I feel farther from him than ever. I dreadfully look at my hands so Morgan and Emily can't see my face to know I've been crying. Sadly and luckily Garcia, JJ, and Rossi finish quickly and join us. Rossi says as he enters the room, "Hotch will be right in," this is when I accidentally look up. Everyone stares or gasps or does both when they see me.
Garcia immediately asks "Reid are you okay? Please we are here for you"
All I do is nod and say "I'll be fine, don't worry". Thankfully Hotch walks in saving me from more questions.
He quickly takes his usual seat next to mine before Morgan questions Hotch, "what's going on now?" We all join Morgan and turn to face Hotch
He merely states, "we have a couple cases but I have permission to give them to other teams if we are not ready for it. The evaluation was procedure but I want to talk with everyone as a group and then we can decide if we should take a case or wait a bit". Everyone slowly nods, and Hotch informs us that anyone can speak or ask about anything. Everyone seems to chat quietly about different things, though I don't follow the conversations because I'm more focused of controlling the pain. I can tell Hotch is keeping an eye on me and I know it bothers him that he can't just hold me. I suddenly feel sick and try to stand quickly. My sudden movement startles the team and causes the pain to become unbearable. I can't hold it together as I start to fall trying to hold down what little is in me. Hotch being the closest and who was watching catches me before I hit the floor. I barely manage to gasp to word "sick" out before I squeeze Hotch's arms as tight as I can to help me gain control. Hotch calls out for help and Garcia grabs one of the spare ice buckets from under one of the cabinets along the windows.
"Everyone out" is all I hear as I start vomiting into the bucket. I feel Hotch rub my back and I finish and collapse into his arms on the floor. He reaches up to the table and grabs his water and hands it to me. I take a sip before he speaks, "please, can I take you home. I can skip work and help you"
I shake my head and try to say "couch" but I doubt he hears me. I then feel his arms scoop me up and he cradles me in his arms to the couch. He heard. He lowers me and grabs the blanket from the sofa back to cover me over because I now have the chills. He push back a loose strand of my hair and takes the bucket out of the room.