A Bit Of Death

Please Don't

*SORRY GUYS, I CHANGED REIDS DRUG ADDICTION INTO SOMETHING ELSE, REALLY SORRY*

Reid's POV
I lower myself into the tub and sigh, my whole body is aching. I close my eyes
until I hear a knock, Emily. "Reid your clothes are on the bed but covered over incase Hotch comes in. He asked me to check up on you, how are you doing?"
I pause before answering, "thanks Emily I'm fine". After I finish my bath I stand and grab a towel. My wrist itches and I look down at my scars. Not now, I think before I ignore my brain and grab my razor. It's been a few days, I thought I could be stronger. I remove a blade with a shaky hand. I grab the sink and tell myself not to but I do it anyways. I draw lines on my wrists and watch red ooze from the cuts.
A knock and Hotch's voice interrupts my daze, he asks "Spencer how are you doing?" and I drop the blade startled. It clatters to the floor just loud enough for Hotch to hear. He pounds on the door saying frantically "Spence are you okay? What was that? Spence open the door, Spencer please" when I don't answer he pounds harder. I wipe up the blood and clean the blade, quickly putting it in the razor and away. I wipe the blood off my wrists but it just continues to bleed. I dig through my bag for gauze, I wrap my wrists as fast as I can while Hotch starts slamming the door pleading with a wobbly voice.
I find my voice and choke out "I'm fine" quietly and the pounding stops, I pause and wait to see if Hotch could even hear me. Then I hear his voice and it sounds so scared. Tears stream down my face as I cry silently, I know how much this will hurt him if he finds out. I just can't do this anymore, I'm pathetic.
I hear him plead one more time and all I say before I close my mouth to hide the sobs is, "it's okay, I'll be right out. Don't worry. Go get ready, I meet you downstairs in ten minutes".
I hear him whisper "okay" and the bedroom door closes. Slowly I finish cleaning up and get dressed at a deadly slow pace. I put on the new outfit but leave my hair messy and wet because I know Hotch showered in the spare room and is already waiting. I can't help but smile when I see him, he looks gorgeous. He gives me a sad smile and hugs me whispering in my ear, "you look absolutely amazing" and I bury my face deeper into him. He guides me to the couch and sits me down but holds my hands in his. With desperate eyes he asks, "please tell me".
I bow my head, shaking it slowly. "I can't. It will kill you and.....you won't love me" I tell him, still avoiding eye contact.
He grabs my chin and tilts my head, he gives me a small compassionate kiss and whispers "that could never happen, I will always love you" and a tear falls onto my cheek. He looks down as he holds my hands again, but this time my sleeves fail me and a the tiniest piece of gauze gives it away. With slow shaky hands he pushes back my sleeves and reveal soaking red gauze. He engulfs me in a hug as I sob into him and he cries into me. "Why?" He asks over and over but I can't answer through the stream of sobs. He pulls away and I go to protest when he starts to unwrap one wrist. He looks an me and shakes his head and carefully and slowly return to unwrapping the gauze. More tears flow from his eyes when he sees my wrist, fresh scars on old scars.

Hotch's POV
I panicked when Reid wouldn't open the door and now I pace in the living room scared to death. He comes in and he looks amazing. I'm speech less for a second until I notice his bloodshot eyes. I wrap my arms around him and tell him "you look absolutely amazing". I get him to sit with me on the couch, and say "please tell me" and he knows exactly what I mean. I take his hands in mine and he bows his head shaking it slowly.
"I can't. It will kill you and you won't love me" he says, avoiding eye contact. I know there is something terribly wrong and he is scared and uncomfortable so I take his chin and tilt his head up. I don't force him to meet my gaze, instead I just kiss him, a small caring and loving kiss.
Then I whisper "that could never happen, I will always love you". I see a tear fall down his face out of the corner of my eye as I look down, slowly I hold his hands again. I suppress a gasp as I see something white sticking out of his sleeves. As carefully as I can I push back his sleeves with shaking hands. His wrists are wrapped in blood soaked gauze and I pull him into a tight hug. As we hug, tears pour down both of our faces. I start to ask "why?" Over and over slowly, but sobs rack through his body more. I slowly pull back and start to unwrap one wrist, he tries to pull his wrist away but I just shake my head at him. I loose what little control I had left and my crying became uncontrollable. I stared at the red irritated cuts that lay on old scars. I place the gauze on the table and slowly remove the other wrist's gauze. Crying I bend over and kiss the cuts lightly and do the same to the other hand. I then hold the back of his head and waist and kiss him for a long time. I reach over and slip the gauze into my pocket, then I scoop up Reid and carry him to my room slowly rocking him as I walk. When I reach the bathroom I place Reid on the sink counter and throw out the bloody gauze. I can see they are bleeding slowly still and I search for a cut cleaning product and gauze. Finally I kiss him and whisper "I'm sorry" before I place the cotton ball of rubbing alcohol on his wrist. He winces and tries to pull back. I see his free hand gripping the counter and notice the white knuckles. I finish that wrist before I carefully bandage it up. Then I pry his right hand from the counter. I notice his left hand that I just bandaged go to grab the counter in preparation for the pain. I lift his hand from the counter to my waist and then I grab his other wrist. Slowly I count down and he cringes with pain. His left hand squeezes tightly but not too much, otherwise it would hurt him more. Tears still fall from his eyes as I wrap gauze around his right wrist. I place one hand on his cheek and thumb away his tears and capture his lips in mine. We stay there for a while, me standing between his legs hugging him. Finally I pull back and kiss him before I whisper "please let me help you" and he nods. Looking down at his watch he mentions something about leaving but I look at him and ask "are you sure you still want to go?"
And he nods and whispers "as long as you come" I give him a small smile and kiss him. We can talk later. Cautiously I pull his sleeves down and kiss him again. We kiss for a while, deep and filled with love.
We are soon broken apart when Emily hurries in and instantly turns around saying "so sorry, leaving in 5" Reid groans when I pull back. I look at his messy damp hair, I carefully run my fingers through it and fix it so it's just how he likes it and secure his watch back onto his wrist loosely. Then we make our way downstairs to get our coats. I take his pea coat and help him put it on, carefully buttoning it up and grabbing my jacket on. I give him my arm and we walk out to the car.