May 20th
Dear Journal,
The last month has been very interesting. I feel like all I am capable of doing is staying at home.
I've taken time off of modeling... Again. I'm focusing on family. I don't know how much time I have left. I hate thinking that but you're the only thing I can, I guess, say it to. Michael wouldn't want to hear that and I know damn well my kids shouldn't here that.
Mark was saddened, telling me I was his "best model" but I just can't. He understands though that I'm all for family.. He just doesn't know exactly why I am.
So, I've been spending my days here at Neverland. I bring the girls outside while Adjo is at school and Michael is rehearsing. The girls and I have a blast! They keep me running, I'll tell ya that! We run all through the gardens, ride all the rides! It's fantastic. On days when Michael doesn't rehearse, we bring sick children to Neverland and let them ride and be free for a day. It's great because I can be a kid again with Michael and the children. I've been so focused on my illness lately that it makes me feel so old. I can't do much but I'm pushing myself to.
Adjo is finishing school soon then he'll be moving on the eighth grade, I think. Either way, he's growing up fast! Still our slim, tall boy but he has little muscles on his arms and a strong heart. He reminds me of Michael when him and his brothers were younger. They all were slim and tall with little muscles.
Just like this one picture of Jermaine and Michael during the Jackson Five era. Michael has his arm up showing his muscles. It was very cute and I had that photo in my closet so Michael couldn't see it. I know, I know.. That's weird but other girls did it too!
Speaking of Adjo..
Today is another very special day in the Jackson's home.. You know why? It's Adjo's thirteenth birthday! Woo! I can't believe my baby is thirteen already. Sure, I don't know what he was like as a little one but boy has he brought so much joy into our family.
Three children.. That's a magic number right there.
There are so many birthdays in May in our family, I never knew!
Jackie celebrated his on the fourth, Rose celebrated her fourth birthday on the 5th, Janet celebrated her's on the sixteenth, and Rebbie and LaToya celebrated their birthday yesterday! I've been very tired lately but I have so much peace when I'm around so much of our family.
Of course, some of the Jackson's don't celebrate their birthdays still because of the Jehovah's Witness. Michael and I are making sure we celebrate our children's.
Michael is still working on his Dangerous World Tour but he took today off to celebrate Adjo's life. Here it is, our first teenager of the house! Adjo is a very kind and smart kid but eventually the attitude of a teenager will catch up to him. I know it will but I'm not sure if Michael knows it yet.
I turn around, staring at my door.
I better go for now journal. I'll write back to you later.
Love,
Mia May Jackson xxx.
I shut my journal, placing it back in the drawers.
I sigh loudly, slowly standing up from the bed.
My knees begin to shake uncontrollably. I hold onto the dresser, trying my best to walk towards the door.
I stare down at my legs. I've never realized my legs were this bony.. Jeez..
I take a deep breath, slowly talking towards the door. I grab my walking stick as I open the door, exiting from my bedroom.
Sometimes I have to use a wheelchair because I'm so weak. I hate using both a wheelchair and this walking stick. I feel to helpless. I don't need it, that's why.. There's nothing wrong with people using these things except me. I'm sick. I'm just taking my consequences day by day.
I walk down the hallway, seeing the family all talk in the living room.
Michael smiles widely at me, rushing towards me.
He places his hand on my back, holding onto my free hand.
"I've got it, Michael." I shyly say.
Michael frowns, placing his hand down as he continues to hold my free hand.
"How are you feeling?" He asks me.
I smirk, looking up at him.
"You've asked me that about five times today, baby. It's only two in the afternoon." I say.
Michael blushes, "I'm just curious.." He shrugs.
I weakly smile at him. "I'm fine, babe. Thank you." I say, smiling at his family.
Michael leans closer to me. "I see you needed your stick of foot." He says.
I giggle. "Yes, I do need my stick of foot I can hardly walk!" I say, smiling.
Michael weakly smiles. "You hate that thing. I can't believe you're actually using it around our family." He says.
I chuckle, "I really have no choice, do I? It's Adjo's birthday. I'm not going to be spending it in bed like you've been wanting me to do for the past week. Alright?" I say.
Michael frowns. "Have you taken your medicine?" He asks me.
I sigh, "Yes, mother." I breathe, staring into his eyes.
Michael smirks. "I remember when it was me who called you mom." He says.
I smile, "Looks like the table has turned." I say, leaning closer to him.
Michael kisses my lips gently.
I feel a spark in our kiss. There always has been a spark but this was different. It was much... More.
We haven't exactly made love in a few weeks. I can't. I absolutely can't anymore. I feel like I'll get him sick.. Physically I can't... Even though emotionally and mentally I'd love a little midnight run.
Or a long one.
I really don't mind.
Randy walks out of the kitchen, holding a huge cake.
I smirk. How much cake will we get this month? Sure, they never really celebrated birthdays but Michael and I love to.
Happy birthday to you.. Randy places the lighted cake in front of Adjo.
Adjo smiles widely as Michael and I stand behind him.
Happy birthday to you....
Happy birthday, dear Adjo! I hear April sing loudly. I grin.
Happy birthday to youuuuu! We all clap our hands, cheering.
"Make a wish, baby!" I excitingly say.
Adjo smiles, closing his eyes.
Adjo opens his eyes again, leaning in as he blows the thirteen candles out.
Michael and I smile widely as we all clap our hands.
I lean in, kissing Adjo's cheek. "Happy birthday, Adjo. I love you." I say.
Adjo blushes, "I love you too, mama." He says.
I smile.
Katherine walks beside me. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?" Katherine sweetly says, looking at me.
I blush. "I'm doing well, mom. Thank you." I say.
Katherine smiles, "Oh, that's good to hear! I'll cut the cake. You go and sit down, honey." She says.
My eyes widen. "A-Are you sure? I can do it, if you'd li-"
"Nonsense, sweetheart. You should rest." She says.
I bite my lip, nodding. Michael holds onto my hand again. "Come on, babe. Let's go sit down." He leans in.
I frown, following Michael to the couch.
I smile, watching Jermaine drink a bottle of Pepsi.
Michael recently did another Pepsi commercial... Without stage lights this time.
It's considered a rare commercial because it never really aired in America. I don't know why but I'm saddened it didn't.
It's a very sweet commercial and I must say it's my favorite. Michael is singing with a younger him from the Jackson 5 era. I absolutely love the way Michael sings that song. It just gets me thinking.. Michael's voice as a kid was how any child would sound like. Of course, he had more soul and power to it. His voice went from that to an amazing, unique voice that I cannot describe! I'm just so proud of him. I'm so proud to call him my husband, not because he's Michael Jackson, The King of Pop, but he's Michael Jackson.. The human, the kind soul, the beautiful heart and mind..
Michael squeezes my hand.
I blush, looking up at him.
Michael smiles at me. "Can you believe we have a teenager in the house already? Boy, I wonder how this'll work.." He mumbles.
I giggle, "It'll get us prepared for ten years from now when our girls are teenagers!" I say.
Michael smirks, "That'll be completely different. I know, I have sisters." He says.
I stick my tongue out at him. "I had one and she's a bitch." I say.
Michael gasps, looking around. "Shh! I don't want my mother to hear that langugae!" He scolds.
I laugh, "Whoops!" I giggle.
Michael smirks, leaning closer to me as our noses touch.
I move my head away from Michael's, "Adjo, open your big gift from mama!" I smile widely, pointing to a long box.
Adjo furrows his eyebrows, stepping away from the cake that Katerhine is still cutting.
Michael glances at me, "What did you get him, baby?" He smirks.
I smile widely, "You'll see." I say.
Adjo gently takes the ribbon off of the box. Opening the box up.
I didn't tape it up because I want him to open it as soon as possible! Oh, I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees his new ba-
"A bass?!" He gasps, staring at the bass guitar.
Michael stares at me.
I smile proudly, "You've been telling me how you wanted to play the bass for sometime now, Adjo. Just like your Uncle Jermaine." I say.
Adjo's jaw opens slightly as he stares at Jermaine.
Jermaine chuckles, "Oh Mia, you picked a real nice bass. I like the color." He says.
I blush, "I wasn't sure which one to get but I heard this is a good one. Maybe Uncle Jermaine can teach you how to play it since I always see you strum on his, huh?" I smirk.
Adjo smiles widely at me, "I love it! Thank you!" He excitingly says.
Adjo hands the bass to Jermaine as he runs to me, hugging me tightly.
I smile widely, "When you learn something make sure you show mama, okay?" I giggle.
Adjo nods, kissing my cheek.
I blush, "Aw thank you, baby." I smile.
"Now go play on that bass of yours." I say.
Adjo's smile doesn't leave his face as he runs towards Jermaine.
Michael smiles widely at me, "You always were great at choosing instruments." He says.
I chuckle, "Yeah." I slightly frown, "It's a shame I never played one." I softly say, staring at the ground.
Michael gently touches my knee, "It's never too late, babe." He says.
I shake my head, looking at him. "No, it is." I frown.
Michael sighs, "Come on, don't be like that." He mumbles.
"No, no, it's fine, Michael. As long as Adjo learns that bass, I'm gonna be real happy." I smile.
Michael smirks, "I'm surprised you didn't go on and on about what kind of bass it was to him. I know how you are with music.." He chuckles.
I smirk, "It's a 1992 Gibson Les Paul Bass Guitar called Sunburst, as you can see with it's color." I explain.
A black bass with a splash of yellow.
Michael nods, "There's my girl." He smiles.
I giggle, "Les Gibson Paul's are good, Michael! Paul McCartney has some! Man.. Just buying one made me excited." I smile widely.
Michael smiles widely at me, not taking his eyes off of me. "Paul McCartney is good, isn't he?" He gushes.
I nod, "Hell yeah!" I say.
Michael covers my mouth with his hands, "Shh!" His eyes widen as he looks around, making sure his mother didn't hear me.
I giggle uncontrollably underneath his hands.
Michael puts his hands down, smirking at me.
He leans closer to me, "Watch your mouth." He mumbles, kissing my lips.
I giggle. "I bought the bass and it hasn't even come out yet. Ain't it a beauty?!" I smile.
Michael rolls his eyes, "Seriously, you and your instruments."
"It's true, Michael! I got it at a good price and it ain't even come out yet! We got the first one and it sounds amazing!" I excitingly say.
Michael smirks at me. "Alright Mia-May." He says.
Michael leans in, pouting his lips.
I turn away from him suddenly.
I cover my mouth as I start to cough hard.
I frown, feeling my stomach turn as well.
Don't throw up, Mia. You were doing so fine. You're not sick. You're not sick.
"Mia, are you okay?" Michael worriedly asks me, placing his warm hand on my back.
I give him a nod as I breathe heavily, trying to catch my breath.
Michael shakes his head, "I think you should go rest in the roo-"
I frown, "Michael, no." I say.
"I want to stay out here with you all. Please stop asking me that all the time. I'm fine. I don't need rest." I softly say.
Michael frowns, "Okay.." He softly says.
I smirk, taking a deep breath. "Can we go outside now? I wanna ride the carousel." I say.
Michael smiles, "You've been riding all the rides lately, haven't you?" He asks me.
I giggle, "Yeah! It's so fun, Michael! Please! You know the carousel is my favorite!" I blush, sounding like a little kid.
Michael giggles, "Sure." He says, kissing my forehead.