Sorry for the late update, erm- VERY late update... I was really busy for the holidays and then I got a bad case of the flu followed by a bad case of writers block :/
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*One Week Later
Naomi Owens funeral was a few days ago, the funeral home was packed with her family and friends... alot of people knew her and liked her, who wouldnt like Naomi? Frank came, he had hung out with Naomi a few times and wanted to come to pay his respects. Gerard wore a black suit with a red tie, the look fit him well, I wore a simple back dress with my short hair tied back. Me, Gerard, Toby, and Frank sat in the second row from the front, but I wished we would have set back farther, the up close view of Naomi made me an emotional wreck. Her face was so pale... she laid in a black shiny casket accompanied by blood red roses. I can still picture her with bright pink hair cracking jokes and goofing around, Ill miss her. I took one look at her lifeless body and teared up, I quivered and held my hands tightly together. I remember Gerard placing his hand on my knee and leaning over to whisper-
"Its okay, its okay." Gerard had that one of a kind voice that could comfort anyone im their time of need.
It was just so much to handle, I'v never delt with a big death before, iv never had a loved one die on me, except a couple childhood pets... When I was eight my hamster died and I cried for three days. Next to me was Toby who was even more tore up than I was. His tears fogged up his glasses and every minute he'd take them off and wipe them. I patted his back, hes a friend, I couldn't bare to watch him like that. I put an arm around him to try and get him to calm down, like Gerard has done to me so many times. Toby was one of the many people that was suffering greatly because of Naomis death. He loved her, she loved him too. Tobys a complete wreck now, like he cant function without her by his side.
Toby hasn't left his dorm room since the funeral. Yesterday me and Gerard tried to get him to come out.
"Toby please, come out. Lets talk, were all sad. We need eachother." Gerard pleaded, silence. We knew he was in there, he just ignored us which meant he just wanted us to leave him alone. He still hasn't come out, it must be his way of coping, he just needs some alone time.
Then there was one person suffering the most.
Alexandra.
Alexandra was no longer six and a half, her birthday was a few days ago, finally seven. She spent it in the foster home. They placed her in there with all the other orphans. She has to go to therapy sessions to try to get her to cope with her terrible experience. Her life is starting to become a living hell and shes so young. She hates it in there. We've visited her throughout the week, she dosent talk that much anymore. The last time me, Gerard, and Toby went to visit her was yesterday. She had her head down, staring at her shoes with her black hair falling down covering some of her face. We tried are hardest to make it seem like everything was alright when we all knew it wasn't, we tried to talk to her in a cheerful voice and tell her positive things but instead of responding she just shifted her eyes around, played with her fingers, and mumbled every now and then until visiting hours were over. The therapist says she dealing with symptoms of traumatic stress, like trouble sleeping with reoccurring night terrors, plus shes having trouble making friends and participating in any "fun" activities. I stay up late thinking about that little girl... I want to get her out of there, she'd atleast be alittle more happy with us. However, I know that wont happen. Im just a single teen freshman in college with no job or house... They wouldn't let her into my custody, or any of our custody for that matter, apparently we're not qualified enough to raise a seven year old at such a young age.
Of course, there was another person who'd suffer because of Naomis tragic end, but they deserved all the suffering and more.
Jonathan.
Whenever I hear that name I just clench my fist and grit my teeth, I never thought id be capable of hating someone so much. I still remember when the cops took him away, he was thrashing around in the polices grasp making his black sweaty hair sling, he was having a complete meltdown screaming 'LET ME GO! GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME! I DIDNT DO ANYTHING! JOVIE, TELL THEM I DIDNT DO ANYTHING! ITS NOT MY FAULT, DONT TOUCH ME! JOVIE, I LOVE YOU! LET ME GO, I WANT TO SEE MY DAUGHTER!'
Jonathan will rot in prison for what he did to Naomi, what he did to me, and what he did to other girls. While in custody they got him to admit to three other crimes. He was charged with five accounts of rape, five accounts of physical assault, and three accounts of murder.
•Christina Kyker, Rape/Physical Assault/Murder, Age 16
•Melissa Weeks, Rape/Physical Assault, Age 17
•Emily Murry, Rape/Physical Assault/Murder, Age 9
...
•Jovie Hamilton, Rape/Physical Assault, Age 18
•Naomi Owens, Rape/Physical Assault/Murder, Age 21
Jonathan Evens was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole. I dont think having his freedom taken away is enough punishment for someone as evil as him, I wish for terrible things to happen to him. Atleast now that hes locked up he wont be able to hurt anyone ever again. Sometimes, even though hes behind bars, I get afraid or paranoid thinking he'll try and get me, I have this reoccurring nightmare where Jonathan wraps his fingers around my throat and squeezes until im gasping for breath, its always so realistic, when I wake up I shoot up out of bed in the middle of the night with a cold sweat gasping for air. I usually end up waking Gerard up too, which bothers me because I wish I wasnt such a burden on him. He'll flick on the light 'Jovie? Whats wrong, another nightmare?' His advice is simple, he says 'Sleep. Just shut your eyes and sleep.'....
Today was yet another stressful day, I feel like im 2% girl and 98% anxiety. I groaned and held my hand against my temple and grimaced, thinking about everything has given me a migrane. Thinking about Jonathan, thinking about Alexandra, thinking and Naomi. Thinking will be the death of me, I try to shove unpleasant thoughts away.
"Gerard everything is wrong!" I said getting over emotional, after luch I had went back to my dorm for a mental break, Gerard followed me to keep me company. We were both sitting on my bed, he wrapped his arm around me stroking the back of my head, running his fingers through my short hair. I looked at him, his soft midnight colored hair and light skin and bright eyes had had the ability to make me feel like everything was alright, like for a moment he could make all the bad things im dealing with just go on away.
"Jovie, its ok. Im here, everything will get better, okay." I highly doubted anything would get any better (Im quite the pessimist), but then again, how could things possibly get any worse. Gerard gave me a shy smile, I couldnt help but grin back. Feeling sad? You can always count on Gerard Way to make things better. I stood up from my bed, I should probably head for my next class, Gerard grabbed his bookbag, he quickly glanced at the digital clock on the desk next to my bed and made a slight frown.
"See you later, I have to go." He gave me a light hug, I waved to him as he exited the dorm and headed down the college hallways.
*Gerard POV
Fuck, I missed band rehearsal again, hope the guys aren't too pissed off at me. Everything in my life has this habbit of going terribly wrong. Naomi... I cant believe shes actually gone. Death is something many people are afraid of. Not me. Needles yes, but not dying. We all get together when we burry are friends. Death is just something that always interested me, iv had loved ones die throughout my life and once I was held at gunpoint which made my whole life flash before my very eyes. Everyone I love with die eventually, my parents, my grandmother, my brother, even Jovie. Theyll all be gone one day and theres nothing I can do about it. The past few months have been literal hell, I cant believe all thats happened, and Jovie probably has alot more on her mind than I do. Im not going to make that same mistake I made last time, I intend to give her my full attention. She needs me more than ever and im going to be there for her no matter what. In times like this, you just have to carry on, no matter how hard it is.
Just as I was walking down the hall towards towards the band room door, my bandmates stepped out talking and laughing with one another, I had to stop from bumping into them. They stopped and turned their heads toward me, Frank looked at me and his smile dropped.
"Dude, you missed another rehearsal today!" Said Frank with a sigh, looking disappointed at me, that look killed me.
"I know, I know... Im just, really busy okay." I sighed back and waved my hand, expecting them to just drop the whole thing. Instead the guys just stared at me, Mikey cocked an eyebrow, he couldnt believe my lack of compassion, I grimaced.
"This is the fourth time Gerard. Your the lead singer, we need you at rehearsal." Mikey said agitated. I shifted my eyes to the side, trying to avoid eye contact. I wished they would just get off my back. They dont understand that I have more things on my mind than singing, dont get me wrong, I love singing, I love being in a band, its just... I have a life.
"Im sorry, okay! Iv just... I have to be there for Jovie, she needs me by her side. I value her more than MCR." I said raising my voice, I tried to apologize, even though I felt like they were being insincere. Do they not have any idea all that iv been going through?? What Jovies been going through?? What am I suppose to do? Abandon her in her time of need??
"We've been getting calls, more places want us to preform for them, we even got a call from a guy who says he has connections with reprise records! Do you know what this means??! This is our big chance. My Chemical Romance is going somewhere. Gerard... Please, dont do this now. We need you, the band needs you!" Frank pleaded. I know Frank, he wasnt trying to pushy, he just really needed me, he was dissapointed in me, and I was alittle dissapointed in myself for that matter... Hell, I didnt know what to feel anymore. My bandmates waited for a reply, they waited for me to say something. Their stares were just making me feel guilty.
"I told her I was going to make things better and thats what im going to do dammit!" I yelled frustrated. They were all taken back that I yelled at them, and I immediately regretted it.
"Sorry guys... I just, I just..." I swallowed hard and looked down at my white converse.
"Gee..." Frank started, feeling bad for arguing with me. He tried to put his hand on my shoulder but I backed away from his reach. I turned around and rushed off without looking back.
"Gerard wait!" I heard Frank and call after me.
I ran into an empty mens restroom and leaned against the wall with my arms crossed, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath...
I just need to calm down.
*Jovie POV
I walked down the hall, I was wearing a simple outfit, just my black vans with matching black skinny jeans and a 'Seether' tee shirt. My black hairs length reached to my collar bone. When I turned around the corner I smiled at the sight of Bob.
"Bob!" I called out to get his attention, he turned and walked towards me.
"Have you seen Gerard?" We asked simultaneously.
"You dont know where he is either?" He sighed, I frowned, he seemed alittle down.
"No, I thought he was with you." I admitted, he usually spends alot of time with his bandmates.
"Well he WAS... Until he got alittle upset and stormed off." Bob said, sticking his hands in his pockets.
"What happened?" I said with concern.
"We told him we needed him at band practice more often because hes been skipping out on us lately, we got into a little argument and he ran off. We were just looking for for him to see if he was alright."
Skipping out on band practice? That didnt sound like Gerard. I frowned, wherever he was I sure hoped he was okay.
"Did he say why?" I asked.
"He said, hes been with...you." Bob said trailing off.
"...Me?" I muttered. I should feel that he put his dream aside for me, honored even... But, for some reason I feel awful. Whenever he stayed with me in the dorm room to confort me he was missing band rehearsal... How can I be so selfish?? The whole world dosent revolve around me and my problems, Gerard has his own life and yet I managed to drag him down with me.
"W-What?? Why would he do that?" I choked out.
"Uh... Well, he really cares about you. He wants to support you, even if that means giving up MCR, and-"
"He said that? He would quit MCR for me?" I gasped. Gerard finally started getting his band noticed and of course I have to fuck up the entire thing.
"Well.. um, yeah he did." Bob answered.
Being in a band, is Gerards dream, I dont want to take that away from him. I.. I love Gerard, when you love someone you want their needs and wants before yours. I feel like im a rock chained to his ankle, all im doing is holding him back, I want better for him, he deserves better... And I got him in trouble with his bandmates! Oh hell, and according to Bob hes somewhere alone upset. All the countless times hes been there for me and in return I ruin his life?? I felt a guilty pain in my chest. I have to find Gerard, the least I could possibly do is be there for him in his time of need. I rushed away from Bob to search for Gee.
"Was it something I said??..." Bob said calling after me.
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"Gerard?? Gerard??" I paced down the hallway, it was the middle of regular class time so the halls were empty. I already checked our dorm, Franks dorm, the band room, and the cafeteria.
"Goddammit, where is he?" I muttered.
"Gera-" I started but stopped when I heard something. It was coming from the mens room.
"Gerard are you in there?" I said standing in front of the bathroom door.
"...No." Replied a familiar voice.
I rolled my eyes.
"Ug, Gerard please come out, I wanna talk, me and the guys are worried." I pleaded. No reply. I sighed.
"Oh what the hell." I muttered, walking into the mens room.
"Gah! Jovie!! You cant be in here!" He ran is fingers through his hair nervously. I looked at his eyes, they lookes alittle red and puffy like he had been crying.
"Gerard." I said quietly stepping close to him, I placed a hand on the side of his face so he would have my attention.
"You didnt have to miss out on band practice for me, I know how much this band means to you and-"
"But you mean alot to me too..." He mumbled.
My face flushed pink at his sweet comment. Damn I love this guy. Just then, I thought about telling him... I thought about telling him how much I loved him, how much he meant to me, how I wanted to be his girlfriend, and then maybe possibly having sex with him in a public mens restroom... But before I opened my big mouth I bit my lip. I thought about the consequences... I remembered what Bob told me. I want all the best for Gerard. I want him to follow his dreams, I want him to be there for his fans the way hes there for me when im sad. I dont want to hold him back any longer... it seems that whenever someone gets to close to me they get hurt, I cant hurt Gerard. Maybe things would work out for him if I just walked out of his life...
"What?" Gerard asked as he noticed me staring at him. I slowly removed my hand from his cheek.
"I... nothing."
And thats when it hit me, I have to get out of here.
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*One Week Later
I sat in my dorm by myself... packing a suitecase. After what happened last week, I realized what I had to do. Move back to California. Ill im doing here is distracting Gerard from his true calling, he'll meet other girls but this is a one and a lifetime chance for him. I love him, I know in the long run, about five or ten years from now, he'll look back and thank me. At the moment Gerard and Frank were out getting starbucks. I... haven't told Gerard about this yet, I just didnt have the heart, I thought about leaving him a letter but on second thought it seemed cheesy. The best thing to do is to tell him face to face when he gets back. I shut my suitcase and zipped it. I sallowed hard, I never thought leaving would be so hard. I would leave for the airport in about half an hour and my flight is leaving an hour from now, I ordered the plane ticket last week.
After almost twenty minutes I heard someone grab the doorknob, its Gerard. I took a deep breath and stood up from my bed.
"Hey Jo." Gerard greeted walking into our dorm with a coffee in his hand.
"Hi Gerard..." I said almost in a whisper.
He stopped sipping from his straw when he saw the suitcase packed on my bed, he gave me a confused look.
"Jovie? Whats going on?..." He asked eyeing the suitcase. I gulped.
"Gerard... I should of told your earlier. Im leaving." I managed to spit out quickly. Gerard took a minute to comprehend what I just told him.
"L-leaving?" He stuttered, placing his coffee cup on the little table next to his bed.
"Like a vacation or-"
"No. Im dropping out of New Jersey school of visual arts and im moving back to California." I muttered.
"What?!" He gasped. The news obviously hit him hard, I blame myself for telling him so last minute.
"I just, I just... I have to get away from it all. Everything that happened. I want to be away from it, try and forget all the bad things that happened here." I said explaining, I didnt want to mention anything about the real reason.
"No, Jovie. C'mon, think about it. Running away from your problems isn't going to solve them. Dont leave Jo." He pleaded walking towards me. I looked in his eyes they were full of panic and sadness I had to keep telling myself that its for the best to go through with this plan. I had to do this quick, like ripping off a bandaid, that way this experience would be less painful.
"Gerard I already have a flight leaving soon and-" I grabbed my suitcase and pulled it towards the door.
"You're really leaving today?! Today?! Like, right now??" Gerard said hyperventilating.
C'mon Jovie, do this quickly.
Like a bandaid.
Like a bandaid.
Like a bandaid.
"Gerard... Ill miss you." I said honestly, reaching for the doorknob.
*Gerard POV
This cant be happening, she cant be leaving me, how, why? All iv been through, all iv delt with, I cant lose her. My mind was racing as I felt a nervous sweat form on my forhead. I said the only thing that came to mind.
"Dont go." I whimpered grabbing her hand before it reached the doorknob. Its painful to have to say goodbye to someone you love but its even more painful to ask them to stay when you know they want to leave.
"Gerard." She started, I love it when she says my name, I love everything about her.
"Just... let me go Gee." She looked at me like it hurt her as much as it hurt me.
I slowly let go of her hand, I cant force her to stay. If she wants go leave, I shouldn't stop her.
"Okay... Well then, I guess... I guess this is goodbye." I said choking up on my words.
I wrapped my arms around her and embraced her in a hug, it lasted for a minute or two, I held her tightly and I didn't ever want to let go.
"Bye, Gerard." She said. I didnt want to say it back... I didnt want her her leave. I took a deep breath.
"Bye.... Jovie." I whimpered.
She let go of me, me body felt colder without her pressed against me. We looked at each other in awkward silence for a minute then she sge did something that crushed my heart and soul. She walked out. Left.
I guess when she walked out of the dorm room everything felt so real, reality sunk in. She left, she just packed up and moved out of my life!? I thought about running out and stopping her, begging her to stay with me, but what good would that do? I can't force her to stay with me. How could she just leave? Was it something i did? I sniffled my cheeks burned tears trailing down my face and dripping onto my shirt. Im alone in my dorm Crying to myself, I better start getting used to that... I fell back on my bed and curled up against my pillow. I let all my emotions go and sobbed loudly, thats all I could do, cry.
I bit my lip when I heard the door open. I quickly sat up and looked at the doorway.
Toby.
It was silent for a moment, I wiped my eyes with my jacket sleeve and gulped my face was slightly embarrassed that someone had witnessed me having some type of break down. But his face looked like he had been crying to. His glasses were smudged and foggy and his cheeks were red and wet. Atleast, he finally came out of his dorm, he must gave heard me or something and came to check on me. He was caring person, even though the look on his face said he gave zero fucks, like he was just tired of everything.
"Why?... Y-You, heard me?" I said, breaking the silence.
"These walls... they're thin, y'know." He mumbled, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.
"But-"
"Look. I... I lost someone I loved but its not to late for you, tell her how you feel and all that shit." He knew exactly why I was a acting a mess, slumped in a pile of tears with a broken heart- I was in love. I wished shed love me back, I guess thats why you call it a 'crush' because when you have special feelings for someone that dosent have those same feelings for you...You get crushed. Maybe, just maybe... Wait, what am I thinking?? Even if I had the guts, shes about to get on her plane and leave! Theres practically no time for me to stop her, how the hell would I even get there?? I don't have a car, what does Toby expect me to do? Run miles to the airport within ten minutes, tell her I love her and she'll just say it back?? Miricales like that only happen in romantic novels and corny chick flicks.
"Toby, its too late! Her flights leaving soon and I dont even have a car or anything to get ther-"
"Just go." Throwing a set of car keys at me, they landed with I metal clang between my legs. I reached down and slowly picked them up.
*Airport
*Jovie POV
My plane should be boarding soon. I chewed my nails and thought about Gerard, I sighed and tried to think about something else. For a second I thought I heard a man call my name it sounded like him.
Great now im hearing things!
"Jovie!!" Someone called out my name more clearly, I knew that voice... I let out a small gasp and turned my head towards the sound of my name.
Gerard!
"Gerard?? What are doing here!?" I gasped.
"Jovie you cant leave!" He said running up to me, he stood in from of me hunched over a bit trying to catch his breath.
"What are you talking about??" I asked confused.
He opened his mouth to say something but he couldn't spit out was he was trying to say, he kept nervously stumbling over his words.
"Gerard whats wrong?" I said placing a hand on his shoulder.
"You cant leave... I-I dont want you to leave me." He blurted.
He looked into my eyes if only he understood, this is whats best for him.
"Gerard... Ill miss you too but-"
"No, no, no, Jovie, im just going to say it. I lov-."
"Dont, Gerard." I immediately stopped him, him telling me 'I love you' would just make me leaving even more unbearable, and if I told him I loved him too, me leaving would just make things harder for both of us.
"Your my friend remember?" I choked out
"No I-"
"I have to go okay." I swallowed hard I just wantsd to turn away and not look back, I didnt want to see that pained look on his face.
"Stop! I cant just be friends with someone im in love with!"
"Gerard, please... dont make this harder for me." I begged, I had to bite my lip to keep myself from tearing up.
"Jovie please, listen. Im in love with you. There I said it. I drove all the way here to stop you from walking out of my life. Please, dont leave me... Think about us. Think about everything we've been through. Iv been right there by your side through it all, through thick and thin. I promise ill always be there... always."
My heart was throbbing in my chest so fast I just wanted to spit out 'I love you too' that would be somewhat selfish, Gerard may not realize it but im just some girl he slept with, girls come and go, he'll... he'll find someone new. He dosent belong with me, he belongs on a stage in front of thousands.
"God... Jovie, please say something. Say anything." He pleaded, he looked at me with his big hazel eyes waiting for a response.
Should I lie or should I tell the truth, each option comes with its benefits and its downsides. I took a deep breath.
"Im sorry Gerard. You're just a friend."
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The last two chapters will be rather, really short, they'll just wrap things up and ill probably post them really soon