"--- I choose the grey door." The grey door was so different compared to the others, it was plain, rectangular and has nothing about it that stands out but yet something about it, makes me want to choose it.
I muttered my choice creating an instant reaction of earthquakes, the white abyss slowly corrodes away into the darkness, the doors sink into the ground leaving only me and the grey door, I rushed over to the grey door avoiding the dark patches that pop up on the floor, something about it tells me I shouldn't touch it, I hopped and skipped my way to the door.
I grabbed onto the round knob of the seemingly normal looking grey door, the door slowly creaks loudly when a wave of nostalgia hits me. My eyes grow heavy, my mind covets in a blanket of darkness, until finally, I fell.
The sound of an electronic beep echoes deep into my dark mind, the familiar smell of fragrant flowers hits me, the strong earthy scent arouses me from my sleep. My eyes flicker allowing the bright white light to absorb my sight, my blurry visions slowly came to adjust the white ceiling above, the LED lights were too bright for my sight so I had to look away, I turn my gaze downwards, to see something I wasn't expecting.
My arms were hooked up to IV pump and an IV drip, the foreign sharp needles ache my arms even if I were to move an inch, my body felt fresh but my head felt surprisingly heavy? I looked up to my head to see grey helmet device strapped onto my head, my mind went in a whirlwind of confusion.
I took a moment to think, I am clearly in a hospital, some sort of device was strapped onto my head, but why? am I forgetting something?
I struggled to lift my upper body in a sit-up position, I had a more clear view of the hospital room I was in, there was a white curtain surrounding my bed to narrow my view to only see a box view of my bed and the floor, then I noticed a grey desk on my right, the fragrant flowers I smelt earlier was residing on the desk, a see-through plain vase helps to hold up a range of different colour roses.
Black, blue, green, red, purple and lastly white.
These repeated colour of roses looked ever so confusing to me, some were fake and some were real, but more importantly, there was a white card under the vase, I try to move my stiff like fingers and try to reach out to the card until I heard creaking sound of a door.
I listen to the clapping sound of heels meeting the floor until it stopped close to my bed, the screeching noise of the curtain revealed a familiar looking nurse, a woman with her hair tied up tightly in a bun, her hair was light strawberry blonde, bright emerald green eyes with a light tan complexion, she wore light blue scrubs and held tightly onto a brown clipboard until she met my eyes.
"...OH MY LORD, YOU'RE AWAKE?!" Her scream booms loudly into my ears it even nearly broke my eardrums, the frantic nurse went running out of the room constantly shouting for a doctor called Fang. That nurse looked familiar, she looked almost like that creepy girl from my school, if I remember correctly her name was Fujoshi?
After the nurse's voice slowly fades away in the distant, I pulled off the grey head to see it had a label in the front, 'Dreamers' at the top of the helmet I see multiple colourful wires coming out of it and all of them were directed to my left and under the white curtain.
As much as I was curious about what this device was I didn't feel like moving at all. I stayed seated with the helmet resting on my thighs until I heard two frantic footsteps running towards me, the door once again was heard being bashed open and this time the curtains did not need to be drawn for me to meet eyes with the familiar faces.
The Doctor known as Fang had luscious black locks styled on one side in a flamboyant way, he had slit dreamy black eyes with some wrinkles formed in the forehead, unlike the nurse he had a lab coat and was wearing a stylish black suit underneath the coat.
"... Terrance?" I muttered his name, bloody hell he's hot in a doctor uniform.
The doctor and nurse were huffing and puffing with wide eyes glued on me, both expressions scream disbelief.
"I-I can't believe it, you woke up." The nurse slid down to her knees, I noticed her name tag slipped off her uniform and was close to my bed, just as I was about to read the name.
"Aoi!" I snapped my attention to the doctor, his lips tremble as he walks up to me and held my head tightly into his chest wrapped my head in his warm familiar embrace, he kept on whispering the name 'Aoi' again and again and again. I heard small sniffles from him in between his fast-paced heartbeats.
"Aoi?" I questioned, I pulled away from his embrace with a confused expression, "My name is Alex, Aoi is the name of my best friend."
The two looked to one another, "I-Is Alex the name you chose?" Dr Fang spoke up.
"What?" I questioned, "W-why do you keep calling me Aoi? in fact, where is Aoi?"
Dr Fang was ever so confused from his gaping eyes and constant eye exchange with the Fujoshi Nurse.
Dr Fang straightened his tie and cleared his voice, "...Ao-I means Alex, can you please explain to me first who you think you are and where you once were?"
At first, I wasn't sure if I even wanted to talk I wanted my questions to be answered first such as where I am and what is going on, but when I keep on looking at their faces, I can't help but melt and soften up as I let my mouth go loose and spoke free to answer their questions.
I told them everything I knew, everything I was, all except for God and my previous life.
They pondered over the new information and kept looking at one another, "I have a quick question," the nurse spoke up, "did you have any helping hand? perhaps a supporting character?"
My eyes widened, I thought for a moment on whether or not to answer her but when I look into those sincere green eyes, I couldn't help but nod, I mean they couldn't possibly know God/Author was helping me.
The two sighed in sync, "Then," Dr Fang scratched the back of his head, "what happened to that helping character?"
I tilt my head, "why do you want to know that? does that matter?"
"yes, it does."
I stayed silent for a bit, "... They disappeared, around the time I was choosing my ending they stopped talking to me and after that, I don't know where they went."
Both of them had despair bleach their faces, "D-doctor, does this mean?"
he shakes his head, "no there's still a chance he could still be there, but it'll be a bit difficult, it may take some time before he awakens."
"Who is he? what do you mean? do you know God or Author or whatever the hell it is! And God is a he?!"
The two took a breath, the fujoshi nurse stepped over to the curtains to my left, the rattling curtains were pushed aside revealing something I was not expecting.
My old self was sleeping on another bed.
Shay Page.
The scruffy brown hair, the plain complexion, his plain face as he rests in the grey helmet similar to my own, but now that the curtain has been drawn I finally realised the two helmets were connected with the multiple colourful wires.
"... W-why is me?! I-" I kept stuttering nonsense, the two professional were confused by my shaken state.
"Alex?" Dr Fang said as he pulled out a stool from the corner of the room and sat in front of me, "what's wrong, Alex? can you please explain to me what is going through your mind."
I stuttered my explanation while the doctor kept a calm expression, his professionalism makes me feel a bit at ease but doesn't change how shaken I feel, "I-I am Shay! Shay Page! That's my previous life! I-I-" I looked down at my own body and finally realised, my hands were small and soft, my body looks a bit curvy, there are two medium lumps on my chest and now that I think about it, my hair is long and brown.
In the corner of my eyes I noticed a heavy brown door open leading to the bathroom, I quickly noticed a sink with a rectangular mirror above, I look at myself straight in the mirror and tremble, "A-Aoi?! W-Why do I have Aoi's face?! I-I-I-I-" I kept stuttering, my eyes haze in dizziness and confusion.
"Alex?!" I felt a warm meaty pair of arms catch my staggering self, "Alex calm down, please take a moment to breathe," I didn't realise until he said that I was breathing heavily and struggling to believe what is happening around me.
The game, the world I was residing in, was it fake?!
Dr Fang had me to settle down onto the bed telling me to repeat the process of breathing in and then out, in and out, again and again.
Once I was able to calm down and had my head flat onto the pillow, I took a moment to think, "Can I please learn why I am here? why am I in a hospital bed?" Dr Fang looked at the nurse before turning back.
"You were in a coma after trying to end your own life."
I shuddered, I do remember me being in a car accident but I don't recall trying to kill myself, "A-are you sure?! wasn't I in an accident?!"
He shakes his head, "you were in severe depression and walked in front of a vehicle to try and end your own life."
My eyes widened by the sudden truth, my brain grows heavy with spells of dizziness, my mind tinges in pain as my memory of my accident slowly clears up, the person who cried out to me when I got hit by the car wasn't Aoi but Shay, all the memory I had locked away slowly opening like Pandora's box.
Everything I thought I knew was false, Aoi was me, I am a girl, I am female?
"B-but I can't be female," I muttered, "I-I am a boy!"
"We are aware," Dr Fang nodded, "You've been going for Trans therapy for a while now with Dr Aki."
"Aki?" I whispered, "d-does he has purple short hair?"
They both nodded, "he's a close friend of yours and I believe you have met him during a Pride parade."
I shuddered, memories of colourful paper flying through the air, rainbow flags being swung all around, colourful and happy people surround me as a purple male approaches me with the sexiest bod I ever saw, he was shirtless and only wore tight pink sequin jeans as his chest was coloured in a rainbow fashion, but I think I also remember someone else there at the time, someone close.
"Alex?" Dr Fang waved his hand before me.
"U-uh yes! I-I remember!" I touched my forehead, "I remember meeting him before but, a-am I trans?"
He nodded, "you haven't gone through the surgery as of yet since I did insist for you to go through therapy first before you change your body."
"S-surgery." I muttered in disbelief, I look down and felt awkward knowing I have heavy breast and my back sorta ached because of it, I'm loving my curves though, just feels weird as if I was possessing the wrong body when I was Alex I didn't think of it as anything strange but when I am 'Aoi' it doesn't feel right, I-I don't like it.
"... Aoi, do you remember your relatives?" Dr Fang straightened up.
"My relatives?" I repeated, I reeled back onto the foggy memories, although the box of memories had been slightly cracked open I still do not remember everything as if something is preventing me to remember anything.
Dr Fang sighed, "I had a feeling Shay decided to erase that part too but he could've at least let me in your memories."
"Wait, hold on what?"
He continued talking ignorant of my question, "I do have a responsibility as your doctor to inform your family but if not I will act as your kin that was informed of your condition."
I tilt my head, "A-are you related to me?"
He nods, "Believe it or not but I am your uncle from your mother's side."
I widened my eyes. Memories flashes and bangs in my mind giving a fresh feeling as if I just went through them.
Uncle Terry was what I once called him, memories of me crying and crawled up in a ball flashes, he would always hug me close when I am in my lowest, take me out to eat, pet me a lot, gives me gifts every year for my birthday without fail and he was always there as my guardian angel who would defend for me, to me he's like a father. So many happy bittersweet memories keep on flowing, some were sad but I felt the fondness of those memories.
I breathe heavily, heart-pounding, achy headaches, tears streaming for no apparent reason, I reach my arms out and dove straight in for an embrace.
My slurred words whisper into his ears as I continue to call him Uncle Terry, the name that I have not said in a long time. My blue gown felt wet on the right shoulder as I listen to sniffles and meaty arms wrap around me.
"I'm so happy you woke up Aoi. Thank you for coming back to us."
His clenched hand on my left shoulder shows he was genuine.
The nurse watched us with small stray tears slipping from the corner of her eyes. Uncle slipped away from after advising me to eat and then rest so that I may learn more about what I forgot, but before he left I grabbed his arm and asked, who is Shay Page to me.
He shrugged and said, "that's for you to find out." he slipped away to get on to his next patient as the Fujoshi nurse quickly handed me a tray of food, it wasn't solids since I've been in a coma for nearly 5 months according to the nurse, so she set out some rice porridge with some tiny bits of chicken for me to swallow and a cup of fruit juice.
As I was eating I couldn't help but be wary of the brunette sleeping next to me.
I often ask about Shay's condition but the nurse wouldn't budge on the information.
A couple of days passed by and I've been doing nothing but eating, sleeping, regular visits by Uncle and small walks with the nurse to exercise my unused muscles.
While I was recovering my body Shay remained asleep, I keep looking at his sleeping face at night with a fleeing migraine, I asked Uncle why this happens and he informed it was because my memories were suppressed.
When I got in the accident, I chose to suppress my memories to erase my past with the helping hand of Shay to ensure I remember nothing of it.
It's been days and no new memories have been popping up, I want to learn more and I want to find out why my head hurts so much, what could've caused me to be in deep depression? maybe it's because of me wanting to be male?
I did figure something out though, it's been days since I had woken up and yet nobody had come to visit me, not even my parents.
According to uncle Fang, I do have parents but he would often express bitterness like he had sucked a sour lemon.
So I connected all the hints and realised, I have a bad relationship with my parents.
Since I didn't remember them I didn't mind it all too much, or rather I feel like it's best if I don't remember.
However, I do want to remember who Shay was to me, is he perhaps my friend? my relative?
Since he was God and tried to help me, maybe he was more to me?
It's night, all the lights are off and it's just me and Shay, the sound of his machines whirrs and beeps, his breath is soft and faint, I laid in my bed and stared directly at the pale complexion of his in the moonlight, I slid to the edge of my bed and walked over with the help of a black cane to hover over the sleeping beauty.
He was breathing with his chest rising up and down, yet he sleeps like he's dead.
I looked closer at his sleeping face until something out of the ordinary in the corner of my eye. I look over to the right side of his bed and underneath it, I noticed a leather thick photo album it wasn't old but it seemed fairly new, the leather book shines in the moonlight thanks to the rhinestone stuck around the label 'Memories of Aoi Nakamura', it looked the same as the one in the game!
I quickly opened the album and was astonished, the first photo was me as a baby with two more babies, all the babies had their names on a piece of card resting on their belly, 'Aoi' on the baby in a pink garment, two other babies were in a blue garment, one named 'Shay' the other was... 'Winter'
The baby named Winter had not a single Asian trait compared to the other two babies, he had short blonde hair and bright blue eyes with pale skin and chubby cheeks.
I flipped a couple of pages passing through all the happy trio infant pictures, I kept skipping the early stage and skipped to the age of twelve, the age to enter Junior school, again all three children were together, Shay wore which black-framed glasses around this age, Winter looked more flamboyant and was more attractive but he also he looked a lot like Furu.
The three stuck together in every single picture, every school festival, every birthday parties, every spring, summer, autumn and winter. I kept flipping past seeing a lot of family photos, I see other children who I can only presume are my younger siblings I think they sorta look like Ken and Sera? but then I realised something, around the age of fifteen, Aoi was wearing trousers instead of a skirt to school and she looked a lot closer to winter. That's when I began to notice more pictures of a duo instead of a trio, it was always Winter and Aoi, they were hugging, having fun, running around and lastly, they were holding hands and kissing under a cherry blossom tree.
I... I was in a relationship with Winter?!
I kept flipping the pages and see a lot of couple picture and very rare photos of the usual trio, Aoi was still wearing trousers and a boyish shirt I thought it was very much my taste, but in the trio pictures, Shay looked gloomy and sad with his long hair and thick glasses with long clothing I felt a small twinge in my chest when I see Shay's gloomy state.
I moved on flipping through many pages of happy memories until I noticed something odd, on my eighteenth birthday, I was wearing a dress, a cute pink frilly dress with ribbons tied at the end, Winter who was grinning ear to ear held a paper sign which reads, 'I spoilt this cutie pie with new clothes!' he looked very happy and was oblivious to the Aoi in the picture bitter expression, this picture was taken on Summer which is the season of my birthday. She looked as if the world has gone against her and she was on her own, I kept staring at the photo to see it was slowly becoming wet with small droplets of water, I reached up to my cheek to fee a small trail of tears.
My heartfelt heavy and aches for this photo, I quickly flipped onto the next page not wanting to see it anymore and noticed that there was not much from photos from there, nineteen only had big events like birthdays, anniversary and holidays, it wasn't filled with small events like the earlier years but in all the pictures my eyes were not smiling as my mouth led for me to be.
Once I reached to the age twenty one I found a weird puffed up page, I flipped it and found a letter stuck to the page, it was crinkly as if it had been wet before, so I pulled out the letter and read it slowly.
To my dearest Aoi,
It's been nearly seven years since we have gotten together,
I know there's been talk from our friends and family about when we will get married and have kids.
I know you told me you weren't ready for that yet, especially with having children but I can imagine it!
I can imagine us in a small home with two kids of our own, I will come home from work to see your beautiful self at the kitchen as the kids run up to me with open arms.
I want that future with you and I understand you aren't ready yet, but once you are ready I'm always ready to go on one knee with a ring in hand.
From, Winter~
I chocked, I thought for a moment of me giving birth to children and I can't help but have an urge to puke but held it back as I was in front of Shay sleeping self.
I stumble back until I felt my bottom was safe onto the white bed, I placed the cane to my side and kept flipping the pages after I placed the letter back. After that letter, the pages were blank white, I kept passing through the pages hoping to see something but I found nothing until finally.
It was one single picture, alone picture that was stuck in the middle of the A4 paper, at the age of twenty-three, I was there seated on a bed, my back to the wall and I was in a large black hoody and baggy trousers with short brown hair, I sorta resembled Alex in that way with the short-styled brown hair and the photo, I was leaning on someone's shoulder, it was a square tense shoulder of... Shay.
In that photo I was smiling, so was Shay, we both looked happy leaning against one another, Shay still had his long brown hair covering one of his eyes and in long clothes and hoodies, was I perhaps wearing his clothes? I took a closer look and noticed my eyes were slightly red and puffy, the bags were not obvious at first glance but if I look closer it was still a shade darker to my skin, I must've used concealer but did a terrible job at blending.
I longed over the photo, I looked so happy in a very long time, my mouth no longer look forced to smile but it was genuine, I felt my heart pace faster, my mouth unknowingly spread in a fond smile.
I kept flipping and noticed on every page was a single photo stuck in the middle instead of two pictures stuck on one, a bit of waste of space and paper if you ask me, but the pictures looked so bright. In every photo it was a duo, instead of Winter, it was me and Shay doing everyday things, cooking, cleaning, fighting, having fun, drinking and leaning on one another.
I haven't seen myself look so free in forever, memories of those happy moments slowly opened up, I finally remembered how these photos were taken, I was an aspiring photographer while he was an aspiring game programmer who lived together at the age of twenty-two. I don't exactly remember why I was living with him but I just remember having so much fun living with him, all the times we bicker and argue like oil and water, we had an opposite taste, I liked salty and spicy while he liked sweet and sour, he would take long baths as I take short showers, I love horror while he doesn't and would always cower under the blanket or pillow, I would play pranks on him while he cares for me when I am too tired to sleep on my bed, he would always make me breakfast cause he was better at cooking than I ever was, he was better around children than I was and was loved by animals, he's annoying when it comes to caring for me, he's always bickering with me about what to eat and what to do, we do argue a lot.
Yet I can't help but smile at those memories. I gently touched every happy memory with Shay and looked up to the Shay who was sleeping with the grey helmet still attached. I always wondered what the grey helmet was and even asked uncle Fang about it, the only thing he said was it is the only thing that's keeping him in his body.
I didn't understand his words and he said it was best I start to learn other things about me first before learning anything about Shay or the helmet. He made me learn basic information about my background, I am twenty-four, I am currently female for now, I have parents and one younger sister and brother who are currently studying abroad in England.
I am a photographer, I work in XXXXXX company, I love anime and games, especially otome games, I would always go to anime conventions every year without fail since it was my enjoyment in life.
I had flash memories of Shay reluctantly getting dragged to anime conventions with me and there was even time I forced him to cosplay and that one rare occasion I made him crossdress as he was sleeping, he was dressed as Rem from Re: Zero, he was furious when he woke up. I chuckled.
I look back at the album and noticed I made it to the age twenty-four, I found another letter it was a simple plain letter this time with a thin piece of paper, I gulped because it felt ominous, since the letter was attached to the left page and a photo was on the right side.
It was a picture of a brown bob hair female covered in bandaged resting in bed with machined and needles hopped up to her body, it was hard to tell with the bandages but I know it was me.
I turn to the letter and gulped before starting to read the shaky character written on the folded paper.
Aoi
I'm sorry. I should've saved you, I was there when you got hit, I was there by your side, I knew of your depression, I knew of your suicidal thoughts, I knew it all. I wanted to be by your side, hold your hand, hug you close to comfort you and make you delicious meals so you can wake up every day happy and glad you are alive with something delicious to fill your belly and fatten you up a bit, but I didn't think of these things as an act of kindness, I did it as an act of selfishness, I wanted to be special to you, I wanted to fill the empty heart that Winter broke, I wanted to kill that bastard for breaking you apart and breaking your family too.
By the time you read this letter, you must've woken up from the Dream visual gear. Your memory must've been erased as I had programmed for the device to do, you have seen all the photos in the album you made, so you must've gotten the gist of what had happened in your past but you're still confused on the major events you're forgetting. I bet you have already asked Terrance about everything and cause him to feel pressured, I had told him not to tell you otherwise your memories will come back like whiplash and practically destroy you mentally. Also if you think I did this without your consent, don't worry I asked you for consent, in fact, you even asked me to ensure you were the first to use this visual gear you dang weeb!
I snuck this visual gear for you to play in while you're in your coma, luckily someone covered for me to sneak out one of the devices, I've joined in with you to ensure everything goes smoothly, although I did have trouble connecting and cockblocked you a couple of times, sorry my jealousy is bad. I wanted you to sleep with something you can enjoy I know you love otome games so I made this game replica to one of your favourite games! the name Doki Doki was a bit too much and yes if you have realised I made the characters to look like the people we know, I'M BAD AT CHARACTER DESIGN OKAY! AT LEAST HARU AND NATSU WERE MY ORIGINAL CHARACTER DESIGN! I TRIED!
I chuckled by his sudden out lash at his shortcomings, I kept reading with a small smile but it didn't take long before it faded away.
In the game I mentioned to you there was a demon, a character that was not meant to be there, it was Furu.
He was not one of the characters I programmed to be in the game he replaced the original Furu I programmed with a Furu that looks like the Winter we know in real life, I thought it was a bug at first or maybe an error in the code, but then as you kept progressing in the game I finally realised why Furu was the way he was, I didn't make him like that, it was your subconscious that was sleeping with your repressed memories. Your depression was still strong but asleep, it was leaking and effected the game harshly to the point things were bugging out and I had no choice but to skip the gameplay and make you go to the endings, I never thought your depression changed the endings too, the endings should've been programed to perfection since I've been protecting them for so long from any bug and errors.
However, every door you entered, you corrupted it, the demon wasn't just Furu, it was also you.
Everywhere you go Furu is there, everywhere he goes you are there.
You are unknowingly been causing the demon to come to you, I thought I could save the game and save you so I tried to get you out the game by fixing a virus that was suddenly hiding in the background of the codes, but every time I did try to erase the virus a character from the game gets deleted, the character deletion was random, sometimes it was students, teachers, the royal family and the capture targets since it was random I had no choice but to stop interfering with the program, otherwise, the game might randomly delete you and I don't learn of the consequences if that were to happen since your nerves are connected to this gear, the game was slowly corroding and I couldn't do anything. Originally the grey door was for the creator or any of the main programmers to exit and enter the game without any need to go through logins, but when I noticed you were slowly corrupting your mind, I didn't have much of a choice but to... transfer the creator's program onto you.
This way you can leave the game at ease and not get corrupted by your demon. So as you read this you must've realised this by now but the only way out of the game was through the grey door and only one person can get out. You.
So, I want you to know my final words, I wasn't able to say it to you but I've always wanted to say it since we were little-
The words stopped there and next to 'little' were the lines connected, I presume it was an arrow pointing right but it was a terrible arrow since it was on the literal corner of the paper, he must've run out of space as he was writing this.
I turned to the back of the paper and saw nothing, I was confused about what the arrow was pointing to until I remember about the photo.
I peeled off the photo realising it was never glued in but was stuck on with some blue tack.
I looked at the back of the photo and read.
Please Live Your Life And Love Yourself
A month went by after that night, I've been healing and exercising every day to the point I can go back home which was also Shay's home. To be fair I should've left ages ago but uncle Terry decided to hold me back and stay for an extra week since he was concerned about what I would do if I were to return home in unstable mental health since my memories had not fully returned.
Every day since that night, I prayed to God hoping he would someday wake up, I wasn't sure what the consequences were to stay in a corrupted game but as long as his physical body was still breathing I did not lose any hope, so I would always hold his hand and fall asleep on a chair next to him, the fujoshi nurse saw me holding his hand every morning so she decided to help me and move my bed closer to his so that I do not sleep on a chair next to his bed every morning.
I've also been going through the album almost every waking second, fresh old memories would pop up every once in a while and it would always be happy ones from birthdays, holidays, playing and drinking. The severe ones that caused my depression have not popped up once since in the album only had happy memories glued in so nothing will trigger my bad memories.
Finally today I can return to my home, I have always been curious of mine and Shay's home, does it still look like as my memories?
I packed the fake roses, the album and clothes I had and was about to zip up the heavy backpack when a knock was heard.
I turn to the door and yelled, "come in!"
The grey wooden door slowly opens, the face I was expecting for it to be was either uncle Terry or the nurse, but instead, it was a familiar face I often see in the photo album every day.
Winter is coming.
He approached my wide-eyed self with sleek brushed back golden hair, luscious blue eyes and a sweet body hidden under his suit.
"... Hello, again Aoi~" he smiles.
"... Hello," I replied awkwardly.
He looked around the room and quickly found the stool hidden in the corner behind the curtains, usually first comers have trouble to find the stool like I did when I first woke up, but he found the stool pretty quickly for a first-timer.
I also sat myself down on my bed and faced him with mixed emotions of confusion and anxiety.
"Did you enjoy the game Aoi?" he snorts as he looked at Shay's grey helmet.
"... Who knows," I shrugged, this is my first time meeting him since I was woken up and for some reason, I have a irk feeling to stay away from him and not be friendly to this person.
"... Aoi do you still really want to be a boy?"
I nodded without hesitation.
"... How fucking disgusting." even though he lowered his voice down to a whisper, I can still bloody hear him in an empty and quiet room with the only sound of electronic beeps coming from the machines.
So I snapped back, "And how about you keep your bloody opinion to yourself?"
He looks at me with a shocked expression.
"Honestly it hasn't even been a minute since you came here and I already can tell you're a fucking douchebag."
This time his mouth was wide open.
"Close your mouth dip shit, you look like a fucking idiot with his head up his ass."
He then started laughing like a maniac, it was a burst of full-blown hearty belly laughter with tears edging from the corner of his eyes, "It's only been like what a month since you were in a coma and somehow your personality switched just like that? what happened to the spineless Aoi I once knew?"
I grind my teeth, "I killed her along with your kindness and humbleness."
"Oi," he threatens in a low voice, "if you're talking about killing anything I would say it has to be our relationship, what we had together that you fucking destroyed all because of your selfishness that even ripped your family apart."
My memories are still blurry and I wasn't sure by what he meant so I played along thinking he doesn't seem to be aware of my amnesia, "Meh, you win some you lose some, I do whatever the fuck I want."
He snorts "By claiming you're a dude, trying to dress like one and claiming you are gay. Yes, that's not selfish."
"... Selfish hah." I grinned, after going through that simulation I built one hell of a personality, a confident, cocky and bitchy self known as Alex. Alex is Aoi. So his personality is mine. "How about you shut the fuck up, I don't like your attitude towards me as if you are better." Something in my guts tells me, he was the reason for my depression, but I ain't the same person as before.
I crossed my legs and arms across my chest, "I am fabulous, I am great! so I don't know who the hell you think you are but this piece of cake is not on sale for your disgusting words!"
I point to the door, "Get out you dickhead, I don't like your fucking attitude, once your clean yourself up then you may come back and go on your hands and knees to beg for my forgiveness."
His face flares up in anger, "W-what the hell did you say!?"
He rises with a hand about to strike me, I grinned as I watch him about to slap me but he suddenly stopped in mid-air and reclined to cool down for a second, I kissed my teeth in frustration that he didn't strike me, cause if he did I can call the police on him for assault.
"Honestly a whore like you isn't worth my attention," he snorts, "I bet you're with the low life now," he looks over to Shay.
"... Who knows, it's none of ya business."
"Gross." He laughs, "To think he likes you after all this time." His eyes flickered bitterness with hints of sadness.
I tilt my head in the confusion of his words and he seemed to have noticed that.
"Oh, you didn't know? this low life had always been in love with you since we were young, he would always smile and follow you around since we were little and do whatever you say like a fucking dog that he is. I still remember his face in despair when we announced we were dating. It was so fucking hilarious."
I tightened my fist, my lips tremble, eyes narrowed and creased in frustration to hold back my anger, this dick keeps going on insulting Shay like he knows what he's worth. I may not remember much of what Winter did or what we had, but I know one thing, I would rather choke on needles then watch him go on insulting Shay.
"... I wonder something."
He looked at me questionably for cutting him off.
"How did it feel when I broke your heart?"
His fists ball up tightly trying to hold back his anger, "Surely you must be thinking the wrong thing, I was the one who dumped you, you were the one who came up to me and said 'I'm a dude now' and I quickly dumped your ass."
I laughed, "That's true but you cut me off and never let me finish, I wanted to break up with you but instead, you went of bitching about my true self. Honestly, you should listen to people sometimes but then again you never did."
His cheeks glowed red, teeth revealing its fangs, "Y-you really grown quite a great personality since you played that stupid otome game."
"I say it's a rather great personality wouldn't you say?" I laughed.
"I bet you built it cause you were a man," he scoffs.
I smiled, "I can build a new personality even without being a dude."
"No you can't, a woman like you can't do shit, you're weak you rely on men who are stronger than you to protect and talk for you. You only want to be a man for that reason."
It's funny, not only did he trigger me but he also triggered my memories, I saw a memory I didn't expect, it was the day of my accident.
I finished work early since Christmas was around the corner, I remember leaving the company building in my puffy black coat and grey scarf and hat, I left with a grin with my phone screen glowing on my freezing face, I was messaging Shay if I needed to pick up anything on the way home and instead of asking me to pick up anything he reminded me that my time of the month was approaching and if I needed to buy more sanitary pads.
I remember laughing at his sweet reminder and asked him if he wanted anything for Christmas, he told me didn't want anything but I already got him a gift I was just too shy to tell him, then it was his turn to ask me, did I want anything for Christmas.
At the time I thought, maybe if I just slyly message him I wanted him for Christmas maybe I would see a cute reaction from him so I did, if things get awkward I can just say it was a joke.
However he gave me something I did not expect, it wasn't a cute reaction nor was their awkwardness, instead, he simply said, 'meet me at the central park.'
I was confused why he would say that so I just simply agreed and walked my way there in the snowy weather, it was freezing that day so I kept my gloved hands in my pockets at all time.
I saw my trail and thought it would be funny to watch my feet slowly burrow into the snowmaking it seems bigger than the actual size, maybe it's just me at the time that found it satisfying but as I was adoring the winter footsteps I never realised the two pair of furry matching boots in front of me until it came into view, I looked up at seeing the familiar shitty blonde, Winter with another blonde girl.
Both of them had matching winter puffy outfits and looked gorgeous together, they also had matching smirks, "Oh my god, is this the ex you told me about Winter?" The girl chuckled.
"Yeah, this was the bitch I was talking about."
The girl laughed, "I can see why she wants to be a man, she looks so bloody plain I bet she thinks she has a better chance as a dude." the bitch laughed as Winter joined in with her.
"Good thing I broke up with her, if I hadn't I wouldn't have found a proper woman like you." he leans in and kissed the blondie bitch.
"Aww thank you, darling, ~" She tiptoed to kiss him back, the past me trailed down at their fingers and realised there were matching golden rings on their left hand.
"I'm so cold Winter~" she pleads, Winter quickly wrapped her curvy thick body in his arms and walked past me after pushing against my shoulder with a condescending laughter.
My mind at the time swallowed up in familiar despair and depression, I kept walking to my destination with heavy feet, my eyes kept looking down as dangerous thoughts entered my mind.
Wouldn't it be best if I die?
I kept walking and walking with a blank cold face not aware of what was going on until I noticed the floor was on the edge of being grey, I looked up and realised I was at a crossing, right across the road was the park I need to meet Shay at, my eyes were at the target, I forced my legs to walk slowly, I tried to make my way there but before I even made it halfway there.
A loud horn was heard.
My visions were low, the road was pressed against my cheek as I felt colder than ever. I wasn't able to comprehend what just happened until I felt a numb pain ringing through my mind.
"AOI?!"
My eyes were hazed in darkness, footsteps were heard and screams chills the air, as Shay's horrified face came into view, that was the last thing I saw before I fell asleep.
I remember now, I slightly remember this prick, I may not know more of what he did but I know a bit to be reminded that I fucking hate this dude. My mind feels a bit hazy and ached but I didn't show it, "Why the hell would I wanna rely on a rat like you?"
"I know you want me back," he scoffs, "you were crying over me for months, you had depression because of me, you even relied on an otome game to save you from your misery."
"... It's funny how you knew when you haven't visited me once since I had awakened and yet you knew I was visual system game... don't tell me you visited me while I was asleep." I laughed, "gosh how fucking clingy are you?"
He quickly fires, "NO I DIDN'T!!"
"Then how did you know?"
"Obviously because this game was created by my company, I was one of the main programmers so of course, I would know where the device would go."
"... You lying mother fucker." honestly talking to this retard is making me tired, "hey Winter I wanna know something."
He looked at me questionably with a twisted lip and wrinkled forehead.
"Why do you even bother come to visit me? tell me, why do you still try to trigger me even though we have broken up if you didn't care then why are you here?"
His surprised expression was gorgeous, I feel slightly annoyed I was admitting his looks cause I wished I wasn't.
"... How fucking disgusting, stop clinging onto the past Aoi, I bet you still wish she was back."
"NO, I DON'T WANT YOU BACK!" He quickly flinched with a similar shocked expression as I do, he seems surprised by sudden raised voice so he quickly slumped his shoulders and took a breath, he straightened his back and noticed the sleeping brunette.
"... Why is Shay in the game when you are finally awake?"
I looked at him with suspicion, I don't want to answer his question because he's a dickhead, I don't want to associate with him any longer then I have to, plus the seriously thinks I'm going to tell him?
"... He's trapped in there." I don't know why I'm telling him this.
He looked dazed and bewildered, "W-wait there's no way he can be trapped in there he's one of the main programmers! He should be able to get out whenever he wants unless..."
I grew suspicious of his words, "Well he is trapped in there, there's nothing you can do about it."
Winter stayed silent with slumped shoulders, he reached out to the gold ring on his left hand and began to fidget with it, I felt tense, first, we were arguing and now it's just silence, I rather see us arguing then sit in silence.
"Oi!" I called out to him but he didn't respond, I sighed as I shake my hair back, I grabbed my bag and walked on the frozen man not before I gave one last look at Shay.
I left the room wandering around the familiar vast hospital as I wave hello and goodbyes to the people I became acquainted with, just as I was about to leave the hospital I noticed the beautiful green yard coloured in different flowers.
Since this was going to be my last day in this hospital why not stay here for an extra couple of minutes.
There was a tree hidden in the corner of the hospital, it's my favourite spot and I always rest there in the shade away from public eyes, it had tall green hedges so nobody notices that I'm ever there.
As I approached my favourite shady spot I noticed a small ball curled up under the shade of the big Oaktree.
It released a couple of sniffles and sobs, I then realised it was a human, so I went down on my knees and muttered, "hello?"
The small ball looks up and naturally, I was stunned by the child's beautiful face, pale blue eyes, long black silk of a hair, a button nose and small lips. He almost looks like a female doll. If it weren't for his black shorts and white shirt I would've assumed he was a girl.
The boy kept sniffling with wet cheeks, "w-who are you?"
"U-uh," I was unsure of what to say, I kept watching the tears streams down his face and accidentally blurted, "T-tears."
"Your name is torn?" The boy looked confused.
"O-oh! No! My name is Aoi!"
The boy gazed at me with confusion, "but you said tear?"
"I-I know it's just something I said out of the blue." I don't know how to talk to a crying child I don't know how to deal with children in general.
"... You're strange mister."
I was stunned, "Mister? why do you think I am a mister and not a miss?"
He shrugs, "I don't know, you talk like a mister so I thought you were a mister, am I wrong?"
I shook my head, "I am a man," I unknowingly spread a sweet smile to the little boy who seemed surprised with his large widened eyes.
"Hehe," he giggled, "Your smile looks funny!"
"What?!"
The boy kept laughing, he seemed to have cheered up which was good, I've made progress in helping a kid out.
We kept up the pleasant mood with sweet smiles and weird small chatters about cats, we both had familiar fondness over cats and it seems the young boy wants a cat of his own, until out of nowhere a high pitch voice was heard nearby, "-----! Where are you?!"
"Oh!" The boy recognised the voice and quickly stood up, "It's Alicia!" The young boy was about to run off until he looked back at me with a bright smile, "bye-bye mister! I pray that God will bless you with eternal happiness!"
I was bewildered by the young boy's choice of words and watched him run off with a smile and a wave, it feels like I just passed on a torch to the boy in some sort of race but I wasn't sure what it was with the weird heartbeat and familiarity I felt with him.
But I hope he doesn't shed a tear in his future and it will be filled with happiness instead.
Furu stayed seated even after the girl he once knew departed.
He watched the shaggy brown hair male sleeping in his bed with his chest rising in the timing of the slow electronic beeps, he feels relief knowing the shaggy male was still alive, but he didn't think Shay was going to take Aoi's place of her coma.
Earlier when Aoi claimed he had visited before, she was correct, he had visited her before, but he only visited when Shay was in the game with Aoi, he was surprised that he saw Aoi in the game, he knew Shay would do anything to get her to wake up to the point he would even sneak out one of the completed gears.
However, Furu didn't want Aoi to wake up, in fact, he rather that she sleeps for eternity.
He gazes at Shay's peaceful face as he fidgets with his wedding ring, he knew Shay was in love with Aoi for such a long time, he knew, that's why he took Aoi away from Shay so that he could focus on something else that wasn't Aoi.
He wanted Shay to focus on him.
He used his left hand to caress his soft cheek, his eyes hazes in sadness thinking deep dark thoughts by himself, his blonde hair drapes over his face before he looked up to the ceiling and sighed, "I have to fix this don't I." He quietly mutters to himself.
Just as he said he pulled out his thin work laptop from his briefcase along with colourful wires to attach to the helmet. He quickly pulled up codes and programs of the helmet and the game, as expected the virus he installed into the helmet was going wild, it was difficult to separate the virus from the game but it wasn't impossible.
He then began to type away, he types as fast and efficiently as he can, he knows the Fujoshi nurse has a scheduled time to check on this room so he goes as humanly can.
Numerous numbers and alphabets load up, his eyes and attention glues to the screen as he enters codes that were never originally added to the gear, mostly due to the fact, he was closely acquainted with the Company's president, his twin younger siblings happen to be close friends with the company's only daughter.
So the President heavily favours Furu as a son, so there are parts to the Gear that only Furu and the main creator have access to, it's the Gear program itself, the virus was in the gear not in the game itself which Shay has never figured out.
He kept going even when he heard a tiny knock at the door, "Big brother!"
Furu didn't acknowledge the tiny presence and kept on working, "Brother!!" The tiny being run-up to Furu and tugs away at his shirt, "Furu! Have you seen where ----- went?
"Alicia, go to the yard, I need to finish something, I'll there with you in a bit!"
The little girl pouts before departing, the tall male kept going at the codes flying all around his screen, he knew he had to fix this so he kept going even if it took weeks or months to correct.
Although he's a dickhead, he's an intelligent dickhead who is capable of doing a lot of things, he finished within an hour with a satisfying stretch of the muscles.
He looked down at the sleeping beauty before whispering farewell to him. It was only a matter of time before Shay wakes up again.
I made it to my new home, actually my original home, it was a regular flat in a tall grey building on the fifth floor, Flat 503. I pulled out the metal key to give a twist for entry. I entered the silent home and first noticed how clean the hallway was, I looked around to see not much except for the shoe rack, calender and a ticking clock. I took off my shoes and placed it on the rack, my socks touched the smooth wooden floor and walked towards the numerous brown doors.
One of the brown doors grabbed my attention, there was no sign of the sort and looks the same as the others, but something about it pulled me in, I twisted the metal knob and pushed my way into a horrific sight of metal bits everywhere, blue and white sheet of papers decorated the oak floor, wires snakes around the table and corners of the room, several cold ceramic cups covers the bedside table, the bed is undone and there were barely any sunlight thanked the black curtains.
I made me over to push the door curtains aside allowing the bright sunlight in feeling the warm rays, I turn back to the messy room and felt a small banging pain in my head, I held my forehead tightly before looking back up at the messy scenery, two figures appear faintly before me, it was me and Shay.
My distinct figure yells at the imaginary Shay who was typing away at his PC with heavy headphones over his ears, although myself was angry I squatted down to pick up the litter and papers on the floor, Shay turns back with a smile as he messes up my hair, I snapped back with an angry expression but even with the supposed anger I could tell I wasn't truly angry, Shay would also tell so he ended up laughing making myself frustrated even more. They kept going, memories I didn't know pop up like fireworks, the arguments, the laughter, two voices tangles with one another in my mind.
I left his room thinking it'll vanish but instead it kept going, everywhere I look, new memories avails, I glanced all over the house, in the bathroom, we fight about the use of conditioners and shampoos, in the kitchen we would have a cook-off and although I was shit at cooking he still eats my food, in the living room we would drink coffee or tea as we weep away at a sad movie while cuddling close to each other under one blanket.
I smile bitterly at the memories and felt something stir in my heart.
Before I would enter my room I felt a buzz from my phone.
I snapped out the phone and slide to answer, "Hello?"
I heard panting noises followed up with a familiar voice of the Fujoshi Nurse, "Aoi! Shay has awoken!"
My eyes widened, I felt a churn in my stomach and a heavy like press against the heart. Without a second thought I speed walk out of my house and made it to the street calling for a taxi, I didn't spare any attention to the high price of the cab and just paid for the trip to the hospital, I fidget with my fingers and nails, I was nervous, excited and yet also hyper.
I repeated to myself to keep my cool, I peeled the tips of my nails to keep me calm and focus on something else, it's not a good habit to peel nails, don't follow my example. What was meant to be an hour-long trip felt 10 minutes?
I rushed out of the taxi after saying my thanks to the driver. I hear greetings from different voices on welcoming me back, but I left them in the dust and rushed back to the room I once resided in, it hasn't been more than 6 hours since I left the hospital.
I rushed into the room with heavy pants, I felt light-headed with burning calves all tightened up from the jog through the maze known as the hospital, I looked up at the glaring eyes, Uncle was seated next to the bed on the stool, Fujoshi Nurse was standing with a clipboard in hand with wide eyes from my sudden appearance.
I quickly dismissed the two and looked over to the brunette sitting up from his long sleep.
"Aoi." The brunette's voice was sweet and smooth, his voice sounded raspy and something about it makes me weak.
Fujoshi Nurse came up to me and whispered, "Sorry Aoi, but I need you to leave the room for a moment and let your Uncle finish his check up on Shay."
I didn't complain nor resist so I allowed myself to get escorted out of the room and watched the door shut in front of me. I seat myself on a nearby chair and waited for the checkup to be done.
What felt like an hour had my foot tapping, my body shaking, my fingers fidgeting it's weird how I'm anxious for a man I don't fully remember. My mind is at a loss when it comes to him even with all these new memories but my body knows this better than my brain.
I hear the door opened pouring out the nurse and the doctor, Uncle walked up to me with a smile and kneeled, "Aoi you can go in now, I know you're very eager to see him even with your memories all jumbled up," he looks down at my tapping feet and spread a bittersweet smile, "go in there when you feel like you're ready."
He straightened himself before giving me a tight hug, the pair departed giving me solo time to relax, I took deep breaths, I did a couple of stretches, I walked in a tiny circle until I finally stood in front of what seems to be a looming door.
Pulling up what small mental strength I have, I held onto the door handle and pushed the door open.
His dark deep brown eyes meet mine, a sense of familiarity I felt no awkwardness instead I feel at home he never muttered a word instead he raised his arms and welcomed me in warmly.
His hand tangles my hair as he pats my back like a child, my eyes swell up in tears as I made a wet patch onto his patient clothes.
I listened to his soft heartbeat like a mother's melody, I haven't felt this happy in a long time, this is what I've been missing.
I've been missing this warmth, his voice, his heart, his touch I don't want anything else but this.
I felt his hand travel up to my chin, he forced me to look up at his average looking face, compared to all the cute and handsome looking capture targets, Shay was the most attractive of them all.
He softly smiled so I took advantage and pressed my lips to his.
He was shocked, I pulled away knowing he was surprised by my bold move, but that's what pushed him to be even bolder.
Soft lips upon my mine, ecstatic electricity run through my body, I yearned for his touch as I felt sensitive of his stray hand that travelled down my arm, rubbed my elbow to cup my balled up a hand and entwined our fingers together.
Once we had a good taste, we pulled away still feeling the warmth of each other lips, we stayed close sharing body warmth with hands tangled.
"... This sure is a surprise to wake up to." He chuckles.
"... You're breath stinks."
He laughs, "Sorry our first kiss was a stinky one."
"... I still don't remember everything," I muttered into his chest.
"Well, I'm surprised you even want to remember everything. I thought your memories wanted to stay sleeping inside of you."
I thought the same but, if I didn't remember those bad memories, it wouldn't have reminded me how grateful I am to have Shay in my life, to have someone who accepts me.
"... Shay."
"Yes?"
I felt his thumb rubbing circles around my back, it gave me comfort as I whisper close to his ear.
"I love you."
His hand stopped, I looked up to his expression to see his frozen flushed face, "w-wait? I uh-" he seems to be broken.
Shay.exe has malfunctioned.
He stutters a bunch of wordless nonsense so I had to gently smack his wide forehead, "shut up idiot and just date me!"
"I-I-"
"Never mind let's not go out." I sighed.
I sent him on a frenzy of regret quickly taking back what he stuttered and tried to fix it.
I smirked at the blubbering mess and suggested, "I rather we just skip the dating phase and become something more serious than that." I felt my face burn up, I look away embarrassed and shy as I shuffle about.
I listened to the rustling sound of his movements and felt a tiny tap on the shoulder.
I turned back to see an opened box velvet box held up high with a gold ring with a tiny diamond in the centre, "T-then would you m-marry me?"
I looked in a daze at the ring, I chuckle at the sight of his trembling shoulders, "... Shay you know I don't have all of my memories right? which includes you."
His tight squeezing eyes loosens up revealing a disappointed blackened expression, I could tell he's thinking I'm rejecting his proposal, I let out a sigh at the silly goofball and held onto the box, "you really shouldn't think of proposing without even letting us a date for at least a year with all of my memories, ask again in a year." I pecked his lips, "I'll say yes when you do."
His face blossom in crimson like a pure maiden, it's so cute to watch an indifferent person turning into an innocent virgin, for now.
I held his hand tightly and with Shay awake, we started building a future together.
Just as we agreed on, we started dating for a while, my memories were slow and bitter as they return to the place they belong, but some memories weren't so pleasant, we proceeded to live with each other and when some of my memories returned I realised I previously have been freeloading and have not been helping to pay for rent, originally I wasn't meant to stay here for long, but now, his home has become our home. I pay for my share of rent and bills.
We lived like an old married couple, we loved and got on each other's nerves and he helped me go through the gender reassignment surgery, he held my hand throughout the process and when I woke up, he was there with me as well as Uncle Terrance.
I legally had my name changed to Alex, it does not matter what my last name was since it won't take too long before it'll be Alex Page.
"Should we have vows prepared for the ceremony?" I asked Shay.
"Are you seriously asking me that? you could've at least tell me first if I look good or not since getting this hair cut was your idea," he says as he fondles with his fresh stylish hair.
I giggled at his anxious self, "Hmm maybe I won't want to."
"Alex..."
"Fine! you look so handsome I could fall in love with you all over again" his cheeks run red as usual of this pure virgin... Actually, I can't call him a virgin anymore.
I felt his hand snakes into my own as he held onto me tightly, "I also find these clothes weird, feels sorta foreign on me."
"Hey, it's stylish!"
"The only reason I'm wearing these clothes is that you kept taking my clothes!" He complains about this all the time and yet he doesn't do anything to stop me.
"Ha! Make me!"
He swoops in from his tall height for a long kiss of the lips before pulling away with a couple of awkward coughs, "there you're silent now." He's not wrong, he's a passive type of guy so he doesn't usually initiate the first move, but when he does, it makes me swoon.
I leaned into him close with a silly bright grin. I can't wait for the first chapter to our happy beginning.
Thank You, Shay, For Making Me Happy, This Time I'll Make You Happy For The Rest Of My Life.
The End Of A Good Ending.
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(A/N)
WOO! FINALLY FINISHED THIS LONG CHAPTER!
Thank you so much to the readers who got this far, I know there is a lot of inconsistency in this book, I started this book when I was very young, I was still a minor at the time and now I am an adult, I wrote a lot of chapters for a book that was originally planned to be a 20 chapter long book, now I'm at 40+ not very proud of myself.
I should edit and change this book, but I am lazy and I would like to delete this book, but I have been told by readers they want this book to stay, so I decided to leave this book left published for the readers who have encouraged me to make it this far.
Also for the readers who have read my other books, I hoped you enjoy the little hint I placed in this chapter. For the readers who don't get it, don't worry about it. I could promote my other book here but I won't.
Also the last image above was created by an artist name Noi!
Thank you Noi so much for the wonderful art work~
They don't have a wattpad account but I still want to credit them anyway.
Thanks for the support up to the bitter end, this is where we part ways and never see anything else come from this book because I am done! I am brimming with ideas for new and fresh books ready to be published!
Thanks For Reading~