Felix:
I can't get to sleep..
I've been trying to get some rest for the past 2 hours. Its now 10:34 and I'm still awake..
I can't seem to control my wild thoughts.
It's annoying to admit but chan is the only thing that is occupying my thoughts. He's even annoying when he's not around.
Every time I close my eyes to sleep...There he is and his stupid smirk and low.. sexy.. charming- no I mean his really stupid, irritating chuckle.
And you know what else keeps replaying in my thoughts...
The night we.. you know.. had S. E. X...
I don't know what to do!
I throw my pillow across my room and sigh in annoyance.. stupid chan! I won't to mine back with hyunjin! I miss Hyunjin!
But I can't... he's in live and if I come back and ruin that from him.. he'll hate me..
Okay stay strong Felix..
Ah! You know what I could do to take my mind off of chan. Get some water.
I get out of bed and creep my way over to the kitchen. It was super dark, so I'm guessing chan had gone to sleep.
I turned on one small light in the kitchen and then quietly grabbed a glass.
I filled my glass up with water and lightly sipped... that was needed.
So refres-
*click*
Suddenly the whole kitchen aluminates.
*tap.. tap.. tap.."
"Thirsty?"
I was facing the faucet so I couldn't see chan.. but I felt his warm breath tickle my neck and send shiver down my spine.
"Yeah..."
I kept slowly drinking my water as I just hoped he would leave me alone..
Oh how I was wrong.
I soon felt his hands on my waist and one hand slowly glide it's way to my cheek and softly pull it towards his direction.
He was leant against the kitchen counter with messy hair.. and-
He was shirtless!
I tried to avoid any eye contact or just general sight in his direction.
"You know what's not fair Felix?" Chan sighed. "I can't sleep because of you.. and then when I try to clear my thoughts of you... here you are. Looking so.. so perfect."
I felt my cheeks burn bright red as chan gave me the unexpected complement. I guess I could say the same..
I drink the rest of my water and I tried to move away from chan. However because he had ahold of me and he is much stronger I was pulled back into Chan's arms.
"So perfect.."
Chan looked me directly in the eyes and I felt my breath literally being stolen.
He seemed so sincere and careful about what he said. I just can't get my head around this guy. Also... right now... I can't get my head around my own feelings.
I watched as he stopped leaning on the counter and started to lean forward towards me. Our face began to inch closer and closer and closer. Until our noses were touching and I felt his warm breath graze against my lips.
But soon that gap was closed and I felt his lips on mine. The kiss was so soft and passionate. It wasn't like any of our other kisses, with this kiss I left pure emotion.
His kisses are addictive. It's like I can't get enough of them and the way he moves so carefully...
I get lost in the sensations that ripples through my body when he touches me and makes me feel like I'm so delicate, but he's the only one who can touch me like this.
"Felix..." he whispers my name in his low husky voice and I feel my legs get weak.. "I want you.."
His lips trailed themselves down to my neck and then to my collarbone. He began to softly bite on it and it sent shivers through my body.
"Mmmhh~"
I was suddenly taken up in to the kitchen counter as chan grasped my thighs and carried me into it.
He looked up at me and I looked down on him. Even though I was looking down on him he still held so much power over me.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and I watched as he smirked slightly before wrapping his hands around my waist and underneath my top.
His hands were so warm and they set my body in fire. He began to lift my shirt off and expose my skin to the cold air in the kitchen. However that cold air was soon ignored as I felt chan begin to place small kisses on my stomach and chest.
"Ch-chan.."
I racked my hands gently through his hair as he kept kissing and slightly sucking in my skin, which produced small bruises on my skin.
I couldn't take another second of his lips not being on mine, so I lean down and pull his chin up and I notice him smirk and then... he gave me a genuine smile.. a smile that made my stupid heart skip and stupid beat.
And i can't have that...
What am I do?
This is so reckless.. I can't do this..
Chan leans forward to connect our lips again, but I turn away and softly push him away.
"Chan.. I'm- im sorry but we can't.."
"What do you mean?"
I slid off of the kitchen counter and looked at the flor nervously.
"We should be doing this.. we are-"
"Roommates I get that. You tell me every chance you get and I've had enough of it. Why should that fact we are roommates get in the way of... of whatever we are.."
"That's exactly my point chan.. what are we? Huh? Because we aren't boyfriends, we're barely friends..."
I walk over to my bedroom door and sigh in frustration.
Why do we keep doing this. At the end of the day we are going to get hurt , I just know it...
"Well Felix I know you feel something between us no matter what we are there is something there.. you can't deny it."
Chan turned towards me and I felt my breathe hitch as he pushed his hair back and he gave me a look that took my breath away.
"Okay.. fine. I'll admit I feel something, but that doesn't mean we should pursue what ever feeling it is.. all I know is one of us is going to get hurt.."
Chan walked slowly towards me and with every step he took I felt my chest tighten more and more.
It was when he was stood in front of me, looking me in the eye. That's when I knew this wasn't going to end the way to wanted it to.
His hand slowly made its way to cheek and he caresses my face tenderly. He made me feel so amazing and... I don't know.. it's stupid, but it felt like love... but what do I know about love.. he could just be teasing me.
"Roommates don't do this Felix..."
I looked at him and his eyes told me a story.. his eyes looked upon me so delicately and they made me feel so fragile.
"Then maybe we should stop doing this."
However even with that gaze and his personality change it won't change my mind that this is a bad idea.
So I pull Chan's hand away from my face and I walk into my room. I just need to sleep before school tomorrow... school will take my mind off of things.
Hopefully...
Chan:
What am I doing wrong?
I've tried to show my sensitive side and open up to him more.. but I just can't change his mind..
However I won't give in. I know Felix feels the same, he even admitted it, so I just have to stay positive and hopefully my persistence will pay off.
Because Felix... you make my life feel unreal or you make me feel like I'm in a movie.
Please stop pushing the idea of us away...