"Gavin."
A voice cuts my thoughts off. I blink, coming back to what was happening around me. I look up from my coffee, seeing Conan look at me with worry.
"Yeah?"
My voice broke. Why did it break? Maybe my throat is dry. It doesn't feel dry. Drink some coffee anyway.
"Are you okay?"
How should I answer? Yes? Am I okay? Of course I'm okay. Don't contradict yourself.
"Yeah."
I let my face muscles do their work to pull up a smile to my face. Did I look funny while smiling? Why did I even smile? I don't smile at work. Have I ever smiled at work?
"Did you rest okay last night?"
I didn't sleep last night. He doesn't know that because he was working late. He slept on the couch. Well, he rested on the couch. Or so I thought. Maybe he didn't want to bother me.
"No."
Oh no. I didn't mean to say that. I didn't mean to say that. Now he'll worry. Oh no. You're a fucking idiot. Why did you say that?
"I'm taking you home."
No, no, no. He's mad at me for not sleeping. God, how could you be so stupid? Stop breathing so funny!
"Gavin, look at me."
I look up at him. Since when did he grab my face? Is he mad? Is he going to force me to sleep? Why didn't I just lie?
"Have you been taking your medications?"
Lie. Lie. Lie!
"N-yes. I have."
Gavin. Wake up.
"Gavin, don't lie to me. Baby," he whispers, "get out of your head. Listen to me. I'm going to take you home so you can get some proper sleep. Calm down. I'm not mad at you. Just take a few deep breaths."
Breathe. In and out. In and out. In and out.
I quickly snap out of my thoughts. We were already in the car when he was holding my face. His hands were warm and soft.
"I did it again?"
He looked at me with gentle, caring eyes, "yes."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I forgot to take them. My mind was spinning with thoughts last night. They weren't stopping."
"It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. I'll have to set a reminder everyday for you to take them. I don't want you to go through this. You'll get better, love. I believe you will."
"Thank you, Co," I smile, leaning forward to capture his lips in mine.
How does this happen? I don't know. I don't know how I can feel so numb yet panicky at the same time. It just happens. I feel like a robot every time it happens; I feel like it's a bit insensitive to the androids as well.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
•How was this?
Long time no see•