I stare outside, staring down at the clouds as the plane flies smoothly.
I frown, sighing softly. I do want kids but Michael has a point. I really wanted our dream. I feel accomplished as a mother after coming from a failed childhood. I would've thought risking it all would be grand.
I feel a warm touch on my cold hand.
I furrow my eyebrows, slowly turning my head to my right.
Michael stares at me in the dime lighting of the airplane lights. "Mia, talk to me." He says.
I stare at him.
"You've been quiet since the funeral. This isn't healthy, please." He softly begs.
I sigh. "I just don't understand how you could change your mind about children so fast." I softly say, turning my body towards him.
Michael sighs, "Mia.." He softly says.
"No, Michael.. I-I mean it. I thought our dream would be to live a normal life and have a huge family." I say.
I sigh. "That's what I wanted, at least. We always used to talk about our future when we were kids, don't you remember? You got your dreams and I-" I stop myself.
"You what?" Michael asks.
I sigh, "I... I didn't get mine." I softly say.
"I got partial and some of it didn't go as plan." I let out a nervous chuckle.
"I wanted a huge family and to be that overdoing, loving mother, you know? I wanted the life we never got, the family we never got, Michael! I wanted it to be you and me and a ton of kids." I smirk.
"A ton of beautiful, caring children that we'd love unconditionally." I say, staring into the distance.
Michael frowns.
"Just tell me why again, please.." I softly say, looking down at the floor.
Michael sighs, "Mia, having children isn't so easy in both of our situations. You need to understand again that you're ill. I hate treating you like you're ill and I honestly do try not to treat you like that but it's the truth, baby. Don't you remember what you used to say to me? What you used to worry about?" He furrows his eyebrows.
My eyes widen.
"You used to tell me all the time how you were scared to have children, scared to have more children because of your illness. You were scared because you wanted to live a full life and see your children. You wanted to not give your illness to your children. Don't you remember that, Mia?" Michael stresses.
"Now it's like our roles switched, you want more children and I don't."
His words stung my heart. Am I that bad? Is that the reason why? Am I so ill that Michael can't bare to have anymore children? I don't understand..
He holds onto both of my hands. "I love children, Mia. Children have the face of God to me, you know that. So innocent and pure but.." He sighs.
"As much as it was our dream to have more children and no matter how much I do want more children, it's just not possible anymore.." Michael frowns.
"I-I want to risk it, Michael! I want more children, you deserve more children. I-" I slowly start to cry.
Michael gently rubs my arm. "I don't want you to feel pressured about all the things I've said in the past." Michael softly says.
"I'm not, Michael. I truly want more children. We have such a huge home. It's our dream." I weakly smile.
Michael frowns, "It was our dream." He gently says.
"After seeing what happened with Ryan having the illness, I can't. I don't want to see my own child suffer through that. I don't even want to see you suffer through that, but I have to." He says.
"Michael, don't feel like you have to stay with me because of my illness." I snap.
"No, Mia. What I mean is I'm with you because I love you." He says.
Michael places his hand on the side of my face. "I just hate seeing my best friend, the love of my life, Mia Gordy, slowly leave me." His lip starts to quiver as tears slip from his eyes.
Michael looks down to the floor as he cries more.
I bite my lip as I hold Michael in my arms, rubbing his side.
"April is only six months, Mia." He sniffles.
"She has HIV. Do you not remember that either?" He whimpers.
I start to cry more. "Please stop." I whimper, holding him closer to me.
Michael holds onto me tightly. "I don't want to risk anything." He cries.
"I don't want to move on so quickly from Ryan's death. I don't want to move on until April is clear. I just can't.." Michael cries.
"Shh.." I touch his curly hair.
I know where Michael is coming from, I understand. Nothing will change my mind on having this baby. At least not now. I won't have the baby though. I don't want to cause drama, I don't need to infect more children. Michael has a point, this is heartbreaking enough.
"Okay." I whisper.
Michael glances up at me.
"We won't have any children. I understand now.." I softly say, my voice cracking.
Michael frowns, "Oh, Mia." He squeezes me.
I close my eyes, taking in the moment.
I do understand now.
"Ryan was such a beautiful boy... I just can't believe he's gone." Michael cries in my arms.
"Shh, baby.." I softly say.
"Just cry to me. I already know how much Ryan meant to you." I softly say.
Michael sniffles as he lets out a big cry.
I close my eyes tighter.
Hearing Michael cry like this is just heartbreaking. When he cries, he usually silently cries, meaning just tears come down. This time he's just wailing, shrieking, holding me in pain and anger.
I can't even imagine what it's going to be like when I leave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
December 1991
Michael smiles widely as I pop open a bottle of red wine.
"Woo, baby!" I cheer as Black or White plays on the stereo for the fifth time today.
Michael grins widely, "I had a feeling this album was going to make it big! My gosh!" He blushes.
I smile, pouring him a glass of wine. "I don't think anything will ever be as big at Thriller." I point out.
Michael smirks, "I always pray on that, Mia. Nothing ever will top Thriller." He proudly says, sipping on the wine.
I smirk, "Be careful drinking that wine, babe. Don't forget what happened last year. You were throwing up so much the next day." I say.
Michael giggles, "It was worth it after what we had done." He bites his lip.
I smirk, sitting on his lap. "Oh really?" I raise an eyebrow, setting my glass far away from his.
Michael grins. "Mhm.." He licks his lips, staring down at my chest.
I grin, "We hurt the sheets as you put it, right?" I seductively say.
Michael holds onto me, "Oh, it wasn't the first time." He mumbles.
I giggle, feeling my face heat up. "Enough! Come on, we've gotta celebrate! Black or White hit an audience of five hundred million views! That's the most seen music video of all damn time!" I cheer.
Michael grins.
"Bad is the second best album you've done and I think Dangerous has been added onto that list." I say, gently poking the tip of his nose.
Michael twitches cutely.
I giggle.
Michael and I never discussed having anymore children after that plane-ride home. Whenever I brought it up, we both always ended in tears. It hurts to know we can't have anymore children. It hurts me even more to know that I can't have anymore children because of me. It's not both of us, it's all because of me.
Rose is growing beautifully. She's quite a thin thing for only being three now. Her curly hair is so short. Michael says she's an exact copy of me. That's kind of nice to know that. I mean, having children is amazing but having children that can look like you is even better. I hope April will grow up to look like Michael. April has his eyes and the more her face develops, the more of his nose and lips she has of his too. She's growing up to be a beautiful little baby.
My little baby.
April just turned one two months ago, actually. Time goes by too fast when they are little.
I'm slowly starting to get back into modeling and ballet. I've always done ballet but I am trying to get back into extreme ballet, as I call it, like I used to do in the past. Michael questions be so much about it but this is what I love. I miss it. I love taking care of my children all the time but I want to go back to being known for something. Not just as being Michael Jackson's wife or Berry Gordy's daughter. I want to go back into being Mia Gordy, the model and ballet dancer. Well.. Now Mia Jackson the ballet dancer and model.
It's my time.
"Michael, I'm so happy for you, baby. Congratulations." I grin, taking another sip of the wine.
Michael pours himself another glass. "Thanks, babe." He kisses my cheek.
I giggle. "How are you not screaming in excitement right now? Do you not realize how big Dangerous is?" I stress.
Michael smirks, "I do know, baby. You know I don't like to gloat about these things.." He says, getting embarrassed.
I smirk, "Then I'll gloat for you." I say, taking a quick sip of my wine.
"My husband, Michael Jackson's, album debuted at number-one on the Billboard 200 charts." I grin.
"Should I add that only happened a week after thee album's release?" I smirk.
Michael blushes, "Mia..." He says, getting more embarrassed.
"Michael, this album is breaking records! You're a legend! It's official now! Just like Elizabeth Taylor pronounced you. You, Michael Joseph Jackson, are the King of Pop! I am absolutely proud of your work!" I smile widely.
Michael smiles, "Thank you, baby." He shyly says.
"I got a lot of inspiration from you, you know." He shyly says.
I blush, "Whatever.." I smirk.
"I mean it. Just listen to the songs and you'll know which ones are for you, Mia. A lot of them are!" He chuckles.
I smile, "I think the wine is getting to you already." I mumble.
Michael rolls his eyes, "You'll see one day." He smirks, taking another drink of wine.
I grin, watching Michael's eyes go weird.
"Slow it, babe." I say.
Michael grins, "Oh, come on.. We should celebrate like you said!" He argues.
I smirk, "Yes but not become an alcoholic!" I giggle, taking his drink out of his hand and setting it on the table.
Michael pouts.
I smile, messing with his loose curls. "It's a beautiful starry night." I point out as we sit on a bench out in the gardens.
Michael smiles, "Not as beautiful as you." He caresses my face.
I blush.
Michael giggles, "Gee, your face sure got warm." He smirks.
I blush even more, "Stop!" I giggle.
Michael holds me on his lap, leaning in as he kisses my lips with passion.
"I love you." He breathes.
I grin, "I love you too." I say, staring into his sparkly brown eyes.
I mess with the buttons on his navy blue shirt.
"Babe, I was thinking.." Michael starts to say.
"I want you to be in one of my music videos." He says.
My eyes widen as I stop unbuttoning his shirt. "What?" I whisper.
Michael smirks, "I want you to be in one of my music videos." He repeats.
I gulp, "Me? Michael, are you sure?" I ask, feeling a sudden panic.
Michael grins, "Of course I'm sure, Mia. You're my wife." He says.
Michael kisses my neck, "My gorgeous.." He kisses my cheek, "Sexy.." He grins, kissing my lips. "Wife."
I blush, "Which music video? What would I have to do?" I ask.
Michael licks his lips, "Well..." He looks around.
"It's for the song Remember The Time. I was thinking it would be like.." He frowns, looking up.
"Egyptian like." He says.
I grin. "Okay.." I slowly say, thinking of the idea.
"I want you to play the Queen that I'll win in the end." Michael grins.
"I'll give you more details when it comes time to shoot. You wouldn't have to speak a lot, you'd just have to..." He bites his lip for a moment.
"Stay sexy.. I don't think that would be a problem for you." Michael says.
I blush. "I don't know, Michael.. You've used models in your music videos before, Michael. Why me?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows.
Michael smirks, "Mia, you are a model. You're also my wife. Believe me, I'd have you in all my music videos but I-"
"I understand, Michael." I smirk, stopping him.
Michael grins, "Please? I'd be more comfortable with a woman that is my wife kissing me." He says.
I smirk, "I get to kiss my husband?" I grin.
Michael chuckles, "Yup!"
I smile, "Oh, alright.. I'll do it." I smirk.
Michael smiles widely, "Great." He kisses my lips.
I hold onto Michael tightly, "You don't think the kids will wake up anytime tonight, right?" I ask.
Michael shakes his head, "No, but if they do then someone in the house will yell for us." Michael says, laying me on the bench.
I smirk, "This isn't the most comfortable place for sex, Michael." I blurt.
Michael blushes, chuckling, "Would you like to be lost into a field of sunflowers instead?" He asks.
I smile. Michael loves sunflowers because they always seem happy to him. Every chance I get I'll get him sunflowers and randomly place them around the house. Anything to keep my baby happy.
"Of course, baby." I bite my lip.
Michael grins devilishly, picking me up as a bride.
Michael starts to walk. I suddenly hear a small crash as I look down.
"Michael, you knocked over the wine!" I say, watching the wine spill out of the bottle.
Michael giggles, "Whoops." He smirks.
I smile as Michael carries me to the field of flowers. He gently lays me down.
"I could've walked here, you know." I say.
Michael grins, "My Queen should be carried by her King." He says, gently laying on me as he kisses my lips with passion.
I smile, slowly clawing his back.
I feel Michael's skin shiver as he breathes.
"What a way to celebrate.." Michael mumbles in my ear.
I couldn't help but chuckle as Michael rubs his hand on my thigh.
What a way to celebrate indeed.