The difficult part to write and the things going really bad!
Part Thirty-three.
"Ammi?" Asad walked out behind Zainab from the ward as doctor stepped in to check on Gafoor. Zainab faced him signaling him to continue.
"Are you okay?" He asked noticing her tired face. She nodded trying to smile.
"Can I ask you something?" She frowned.
"Are you upset with Zoya?"
"Why would I be?" She asked startled by the question.
"Everything that's going on and doctor telling Abbu should have been brought in earlier..."
"So? Why will I blame my daughter for something that's not in her control? And as you heard, Gafoor could have been brought earlier, don't you see it also meant he was brought in time." Zainab smiled, Asad returned it.
"Why do you think I was upset with Zoya?" She asked. He replied what he felt and her face expressions.
"I don't even remember what was I thinking.." She sighed.
"Now you tell me why didn't Zoya come with you?" She noticed Asad's hesitation.
"Don't tell me she thinks I would..." Asad nodded.
"And I thought you didn't bring her because she was expecting.." Asad related her about Zoya's condition, she was unconscious for most of the time and now doesn't want to come here. Zainab shook her head , upset with Zoya's condition.
"You look tired , you should go home, I will stay here"
"I am fine" Asad interrupted.
"You go home , freshen up, rest , have lunch and come back then" Asad suggested. Zainab kept refusing.
"I am sorry for yesterday Ammi, I should have stayed here , it wasn't right for you to stay here alone at night."
"It's okay beta, you don't apologise,I can understand your condition , you were worried for Zoya.. My sister's son stayed here with me" She replied with a smile.
Zoya stared at the wall clock, it was past lunch time and Asad hadn't returned home, she tried his number after fighting an internal conflict but it was unreachable. She was worried if everything was fine with her father or not. She kept praying for her father and dosed off on the couch.
Asad returned home in evening, he came across Zoya sleeping on couch, had she been here all day? Did she even eat? Sabera entered the house, she informed him to have lunch, Zoya had asked her to wake up her when Asad returns. He asked her not to disturb Zoya and asked her if Zoya had lunch, she replied in positive.
Asad went to freshen up, he wanted to shift Zoya to bed but that would wake her up, he decided to let it be and let her sleep on couch, he changed and came downstairs, he crouched down near the couch, her face looked stressed even in sleep, Asad caressed her face, he frowned she was burning up, Zoya stirred from her sleep.
"Asad! Abbu?" She spoke once her eyes focused on his face.
"He is better now." He assured her, she tried to sit up.
"I going to have lunch, wanna join?" He asked getting up. She nodded muttering she was hungry. Asad had returned when Zainab's nephew insisted he would stay in hospital at night.
"Abbu was asking about you, why don't you just visit him once?" He asked after as they got ready to sleep.
"I can't..."
"Zoya , Ammi isn't upset with you and please stop thinking negative about yourself." Zoya shook her head and sat in front of him.
"It's not that Asad, I don't like hospitals and I can't tolerate the chemical smells, normally I wouldn't like it, now with pregnancy I can't stand the smell and I feel more nauseated."
"Is that so?" Asad asked relieved. She nodded forcing a smile. He relaxed , thankfully she wasn't considering herself unlucky presence.
Next Morning
"As-Salam-u-Alaikum Bhaiya" Zoya greeted as her cousin stepped in the house.
"Wa Alaikum Assalam, how are you doing?" He asked as he set down and basket full of fruits, sweets and other eatables considered good for a pregnant woman.
"Alhamdulillah" She didn't know what else to speak. Asad joined them ready to leave for office, today he was late as he decided to stay home till late and make sure Zoya eats, he would drop by hospital before leaving for office, this was the first time he was meeting Akram, he got to know, he was away from Bhopal for his mother's treatment in Mumbai.
"What will I do with so much?" Zoya asked , shocked with the full bag.
"I can't take it back, it has parcels from every aunt and I have been told to inform you that you don't have to worry as they can be preserved for long time expect this dish" he said pulling out a steel box. Zoya thanked , hesitantly accepting the things sent for her. Akram took their leave. Asad had breakfast with Zoya, she didn't feel like having the food that was cooked, he asked her to eat the dish in the box at least. He didn't know exactly what it was but only thing he understood was it was nutritious for the pregnant lady. She forcefully ate it , understanding she needs to eat for the baby.
A week had passed and Gafoor was discharged from the hospital, but Zoya still didn't get to meet Gafoor as she was not feeling well, morning sickness was getting worse and she had other symptoms. Asad wanted to take her to hospital but she refused saying it was common, Asad got the daughter and father talk through video calls. Days were passing normally, Gafoor was recovering well. She was at the end of her fourth month and they were due an appointment with doctor next week.
"Zoya?"
"Yes?" She looked around as someone called her, it wasn't someone random, she knew this person, she knew him well but she couldn't identify who it was. She couldn't see his face but she knew him.
"Come with me." She followed him, she trusted him, she silently followed him, she frowned as he was leading her towards the woods.
"We are almost there." He said.
"But why are we going in woods?" She asked.
"Shh just follow me." He spoke in a comforting tone. She was afraid of the dark woods but she still followed him.
"Wait here." He said, she nodded obediently. She looked around her , analysing her surroundings. She had walked long way, she must be almost in middle of the woods, the trees around her looked creepy, it was pitch black and yet she could see, she turned as she heard crushing of leave. He was back for her.
"Is that you?" She called out.
"Yes!" Zoya's eyes widened, that voice sent a chill down her spine, she had heard it before too, she knew who it belongs too, she wanted to run away to save herself but her feet were rooted to the spot, she couldn't move. The same dark shadow approached her, she could remember their last encounter vividly.
"You want to escape me?" He spoke, she was once again reminded that it can't be a human, the voice made the hair on her neck stand.
"Anything that separates you from me will be finished." Zoya shuddered, she was desperately trying to get out of there, it noticed her struggle and next instant she was held by it, she felt disgusted beging held by someone, she tried to get out, she does remember the pain it had given her last time, she can't let her go through it, she has to save her baby. She tried to get away from it but the hold tightened on her, she began struggling to breathe, her body was giving up. She dropped on the floor of forest as the hold on her slackened, she had no energy to get up or save herself.
"Did I hurt you?" The voice spoke in her ear, she felt nauseated by the breathing on her face, the smell was disgusting. She knew she had no chance of escaping, whoever or whatever it was, had drained every ounce of energy in her, her eyes were drooping, she was going to give in. Her eyes shot up as she realised about her baby, she has to save it. She can't let it know about her baby.
"Do you think, you can hide it from me?" It spoke in her ear again. She cringed as it pulled her to look up, she could see nothing but black hood. She screamed as she was raised above the ground harshly by her neck. She was pressed against the trunk of the tree, it's tight grip on her neck.
"Don't harm my baby!" She pleaded ,she tried to free herself, trying hard to breathe. Her struggle only got him angry.
"No!" It screamed frightening her. She begged it to spare her baby. It laughed a humourless laugh before she felt a hard punch on her stomach, she screamed in agony.
Zoya sat up as sudden pain shot up in her abdomen, it was getting unbearable.
"Asad!" Zoya shook him awake. He murmured something turning other side.
"Please get up!" She shook him hard, Asad woke up with a start, he quickly switched on the lights and faced Zoya, her face was scrunched in pain, tears rolling down her cheeks, she was sweating and holding her lower abdomen.
"Zoya?" He quickly reached for her.
"It's painful." She sobbed, Asad quickly got down the bed and helped her , he has to take her to a doctor, he quickly dialed watchman's number, asking him to take out the car, throwing the keys from balcony and quickly rushed back in, She could barely walk, helping her with her abaya and scarf , he picked her up, carefully going down the stairs.
"It's okay, we are going to hospital." He kept whispering in her ear, trying to console her and himself. Asad helped her in the car and quickly drove them to hospital. He called the hospital while driving, having his phone connected to Bluetooth. Zoya was rushed in as soon as they reached hospital. Asad sat on the chair outside the ward, Zoya was taken in. He didn't understand what happened all of a sudden, she was better the whole day, he waited for the doctor to come out and inform him what's going on, he didn't know what to expect out of this.
"Asad?" Gafoor spoke in hoarse voice as he received the cell.
"Can I talk to Ammi?" He asked. Gafoor frowned, Asad's voice was heavy with emotion. He woke up Zainab and gave her the cell. He stared as Zainab's expressions changed from shock to sadness.
"Asad is it..." She trailed off.
"Please come" He said before ending the call. Zainab informed him the situation and they quickly got up to leave for the hospital. Zainab informed Humaira that they were leaving and asked her to lock the house.
"Asad, where is Zoya?" Zainab and Gafoor quickly approached him as they were guided to where he was. Asad looked up from the seat, his face gave away the distress he was in. Asad pointed at the closed door.
"What happened?" She asked after a while, sitting beside Asad, they were waiting for the doctor to come out.
"I don't know... She woke up complaining about abdominal pain.." Gafoor was sitting to his right, worried about his daughter.
"What did doctor say?" Gafoor asked. Asad repeated what doc said, that had forced him to call her parents, he couldn't do this by himself.
"In'shaa'Allah everything will be okay" Gafoor said, his voice lacked the confidence. They stood up as the doctor exited the ICU.
Asad stood outside ICU, she was still critical and they weren't yet allowed to meet her. It's been two days and her health wasn't stable yet. Gafoor and Zainab stayed at hospital while Asad left to attend his work or so they thought, they could see how devasted he was, but after the news he got from doctor, they could see a change in him, but they let it go thinking it's just because of the current situation, they spoke positively trying to give him and themselves hope. Doctor came out after checking her, they hoped for some better news this time.
"She is stable" Doctor stated making them heave a sigh of relief.
"Can we meet her?" Gafoor asked.
"Not yet, we will shift her to another ward, she isn't conscious and tomorrow morning she may wake up." Informing them about checking her once she is conscious, and then they will be allowed to meet her, Doctor left, Gafoor excused himself to answer his phone.
"Alhamdulillah, she is stable." Zainab spoke, Asad nodded.
"You look tired." She pointed out, he didn't reply.
"You should go and rest, we will stay here." She suggested. Asad nodded, he got up and left without any argument, Zainab frowned at his behavior. Does he cares for Zoya or not? She wondered.
"Where is Asad?" Gafoor asked.
"I insisted he should go and get some rest" She replied without looking at him.
"He wasn't here since morning." Gafoor reminded her.
"Gafoor, you have Akram to handle your work but He is managing things alone." She replied, she doesn't understand what's going on in Asad's mind but she doesn't want the situation to worsen with a father's over protectiveness involved in it. She pushed this matter to a corner of mind and was focusing on Zoya, she was yearning to meet her daughter.
Asad sighed leaning back in the hanging basket, as much as he wanted to be next to Zoya, though not allowed to meet her, he could wait out of her ward but he couldn't stay there and face her parents, how did this even happen? He can't give her this news, he will ask the doctor or her mother to give her the news. He hadn't expected this and he didn't think he would actually feel this helpless in his life ever, his heart was heavy with pain and he couldn't do anything to ease it's sufferings. Why did this happen?!
"Avengement" Asad looked around, he was alone in a dark room with no door or window.
"You took someone's life and a life was taken from your family!" He heard it again and looked around for the source and it's owner.
"One life avenged!"
"Another is still critical, maybe time for second compensation!"
"No! Not Zoya!" Asad shouted.
"You will pay for every life you took and every life spoiled!"
"NO!" Asad looked around desperately for a escape.
"You can't escape your destiny Asad!"
Asad's eyes shot open, he was panting heavily, he wiped his sweaty face.
"No..no, nothing can happen to Zoya, not because of me at least!" He muttered. He then recalled the dream , he saw his mother in, she did take away the baby, he was already warned about it but couldn't do anything.
Asad stood outside the ward Zoya was shifted in, she regained conscious this morning, doctor checked her health, she was still weak and needs to take medication to recover. They met her and Asad couldn't speak much except asking her how is she feeling now, when she asked the toughest question , he left it for Zainab to answer and exited the ward.
He re-entered the room hoping she knew now that they lost their baby and Zainab must have consoled her by now. Zoya looked up from her mother's arms, she wanted Asad to be the one here but he had left the room, she did sense something terrible was coming up and when her mother confirmed her doubts,she felt her heart shatter into pieces, Asad was in room but avoiding looking at her that made her doubt if he was upset with her too? Does he think it was her mistake? She tried to call for him, gathering some courage but at the same time doctor entered the room to check her. She smiled at Zoya asking about her health, while carrying out the check up. Doctor then approached Asad explaining him about the medication and when they think it was good to discharge Zoya.
"She will be able to recover from the food poisoning soon, listeriosis is rare kind of food poisoning, they were just unlucky set of events" Asad saw from his peripheral vision, Zoya's head shot up at the work unlucky.
"I am sorry for the loss, if her health shows improvement, then we will discharge her this weekend." Asad gave doctor a forced smile. He then followed her out. He still couldn't understand how did this happen, at home cleanliness is maintained and Zoya didn't even eat anything from outside, except the things her aunts sent, he had gotten them checked and they weren't spoiled by the mircoorganism that causes Listeriosis, why did she have to be affected with this, the only food poisoning known to cause miscarriage or premature delivery in pregnant women and in Zoya's case, it caused a miscarriage. Did his child pay for his sins. He couldn't face Zoya, he couldn't tell her that it was fine, it wasn't, it will never be fine, the food poisoning and miscarriage at this stage has led to an infection in her body that would prevent her from conceiving in future. She would never be a mother and he felt it was all his fault, if he had been careful with her health. He hadn't told this devastating news to anyone, when doctor informed him this, he didn't know what to do, what to feel, he was being punished, it kept repeating in his mind, a life for a life.
"Ammi" Zoya held her hand, afraid of what her answer would be.
"Is Asad upset with me?" She stared at her mother hoping she would console her and tell her it's just her imagination.
"Beta, you should not think like that, just rest." Zainab avoiding the question confirmed Zoya's doubt, Zoya looked at her mother's face, her expressions gave away she too thinks same. Zoya rested her head on pillow, so finally even Asad thinks she is the one to be blamed. Though her parents never said anything but she knew even they think whatever happened with Gafoor, was her fault.
"I will take Zoya with me, if she is home, I can take care of her." Zainab suggested, Zoya was being discharged today after 15 days of being hospitalized.
"Ammi I am fine, Abbu needs you, if I stay there too it will be difficult to take care of him and me.." Zoya said and looked at Asad hoping he would refuse Zainab from taking her home. Zoya wanted to go back home with Asad, they hadn't spoken to each other, except Asad would only ask about her health and she would reply honestly. She never dared to voice out her doubts, he did look upset with the turn of events, it wasn't just his loss even she lost her baby, she too was devastated with the miscarriage but maybe she was right about being a problem to her own child, she lost it due to her unluckiness.
"You should go." Asad's words broke her out of reverie. He repeated it again, she couldn't believe him, he wants her to go with her mother? He never liked her staying at her parents house. Zainab sensed tension building up in the room, she left the couple alone.
"You want me gone?" She whispered.
"Yes" He replied keeping his eyes fixed on cellphone.
"Asad!"
"Zoya, you will be well cared there.." He said.
"But I want to go home with you!" She said frustrated with him avoiding eye contact with her. He replied still staring at his phone.
"Fine come, who is stopping you"
Asad ended the call with Zeenat, his family were sad for his loss, he didn't care, he was now getting frustrated with everyone, since Zoya's miscarriage, he had been listening the term unlucky more than ever and he was getting irritated, it's been two days since Zoya was home and he was avoiding spending time with her, he was in foul mood and he knew his anger would hurt Zoya and it was better he doesn't speak to her until he gets normal. He was still recovering from his guilt and then this rumours, he was mess of emotions right now and in this state he would never be the support Zoya wants from him.
He laid on his side, he would work until Zoya is asleep before going to bed, he felt guilty of what happened with her, Allah blessed him with a blessing he was yearning for and he wasn't careful with it, he even couldn't take care of the responsibility Allah had given him, he failed to take care of Zoya. His guilt was killing him and his past was beginning to take over him again, he had come out if it holding on to Allah but he was slipping again, help me Allah, his heart screamed.
"Asad?" He stilled, he thought she was asleep.
"I know you are awake." She spoke, he sighed.
"Hmm"
"Can you hold me please?" He frowned at her request, she didn't have to request him, he was hers. He turned to face her, she was still waiting for him to answer, he lifted his arm , she moved into his embrace, she rested her head in the crook of his neck , her arm going around his waist, Asad wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer, he missed having her so close to him. None spoke anything and just hold on to each other. Asad frowned as Zoya wriggled , he loosened his hold, she moved back a little to look at him, she cupped his cheek, rubbing her palm over his beard.
"Scratchy" She muttered, he chuckled, he rubbed his beared cheek against her cheek, she giggled. He moved back and smiled at her. She moved closer and kissed him, he responded back pulling her closer, Zoya frowned as he pulled back.
"Asad?" He shook his head.
"You are still recovering." He replied, he shushed her as she was about to protest.
"Get well soon first" He whispered kissing her forehead, she rested her head on his chest, he wrapped his arms around her. Even after being this close to her, he didn't feel content, his heart was still unsettled, warning him of something, he couldn't pinpoint at.
Asad walked towards his room hoping Zoya was asleep by now, her closeness was making him more guilty, but to his shock she was awake and the worst part was she had her medical file in her hand, her devastated expressions gave away that she found out about the news he was hiding from everyone.
"Zoya" He approached her carefully, he took out the file from her hands, she stared at him painfully.
"I can't be a mother ever?" She asked in a painful voice.
"No, those are wrong reports, I forgot to thrown them." he lied hastily.
"Asad tell me the truth!" She demanded holding his shirt. He covered her palms and tried his best to convince her.
"I lost my baby and I can't have another one ever!" She muttered as she slumped on bed , her eyes unfocused.
"That's why you were maintaining distance!" She mumbled to herself.
"No, Zoya listen" She shook her head.
"Zoya calm down, everything will be fine"
"No!" She screamed.
"Zoya relax" She pushed him away.
"Unlucky set of events, isn't that what the doctor said" She chuckled, Asad frowned at her behavior.
"But she doesn't know! I am the ill-omened! People have suffer because of me! See I ruined another life, no no I killed it!"
"Zoya , no you aren't..." He carefully approached her but she backed away. He didn't want her to go into hysterics, he remembered the night of Walima.
"I am unlucky presence Asad." She stated.
"No Zoya, I know this is rough time.." He finally held her arms. She shook her head.
"I murderer our baby!"
"Zoya!" Asad raised his voice.
"You think so too!" She said, Asad shook his head.
"No Zoya"
"I am unlucky or am I a murderer?" She asked him.
"You are not any of it" He replied.
"Then are you the mur.."
"Shut up and come to your senses!" Asad shook her hard.
"I am unlucky! Accept it!" She shouted, Asad tried again and failed, she kept using the words unlucky and murderer over and over again, he hated that word, he hated it when Arbaaz refers him with it and here his wife wouldn't listen to him.
"Fine! You are unlucky! Your presence kills people! And because of you we lost our baby!" He shouted , Zoya stopped and stared at him shocked, Asad was stunned at what he uttered. Ya Allah, his anger will ruin him one day or it already did.
"Zoya, I didn't mean..." Zoya stood still, tears started falling from her eyes, Asad regretted uttering those words. He doesn't mean them, for once he should have control over his anger. Asad pulled her in his arms as she started sobbing.
"Sorry Zoya" He kept apologizing, trying to get her calm down.
He tried his best to calm her down, she hadn't recovered completely yet. He realised in trying to get control over his thoughts, he was pushing Zoya away, she was more devasted with the events than he was and he only made her more upset than she already was. He held her until she fell asleep in his arms.
Next day onwards Asad tried to be there for her but he failed to notice Zoya was slipping into depression, the things were finally taking toll on her, blamed for husband's accident, father's heart attack, loosing her baby and finally that she can never conceive had taken over her mind, she had become her own enemy. Asad failed to notice the changes she was going through, nothing showed up from her behavior but internally she was being consumed by her negative thoughts and started considering herself a problem for everyone.
"I will be back sooner." Asad informed her with a smile, Zoya stared at him, Asad dropped a kiss on her head and left for office.
"Stop it Tanveer" Sabera said, Zoya was settled in living room lost in her negative thoughts when she heard them.
"Why? What wrong did I say?"
"Have some sympathy for her, she is going through a rough phase and you keep talking bad about her" Sabera said.
"She is in this condition because of herself! She is unlucky and that's a fact!"
"Stop calling her that!"
"Look Sabera I don't get why are you trying to be blind? Haven't you heard about the deaths before? Her husband met with two accidents since he married her, she didn't even spare her father and her own child! I worry how long will we be safe working for her"
"Please stop it and take the glass of milk for her, she has to take her medicine to recover.."
"I am not going near her! What if I get affected? No, I am not going!" Sabera huffed at her behavior. Sabera sighed as her son started crying, she picked him up.
"Look stop being so rude to her.. Hama please take it to Ma'am" Hama took the tray from Sabera hesitantly. Sabera took her son to washroom.
"Do you really think we could get affected by staying near her?" Haseena asked as Hama returned.
"Yes" Tanveer replied. Hama and Haseena shared worried looks.
"I don't know how she is still sitting with everyone after causing such harm to her family and husband" Tanveer started.
"If I would have been in her place , I would leave my family alone to keep them safe. But who wants such life dying is better than being such burden on family" Tanveer stated.
It was not the first time Zoya heard things being spoke about her behind her back, since she returned from hospital, it was most common discussion among the maids and to add salt on her wounds few relatives visited at the starting few days to give sympathy but left after indirectly hinting about her unluckiness.
Asad returned home early as promised, he didn't find Zoya in living room and even in bedroom, he frowned, wondering where she was. If she was downstairs she would have replied to his calls, he entered kitchen and the sight greeted him , shook him to the core. Zoya was on floor with a knife in one hand and her wrist slit, blood oozing out of the cut. He quickly dropped beside her, he patted her face to wake her up. He quickly took out his handkerchief and wrapped it around her wrist trying to stop the blood flow, he rushed her to hospital.
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