Mahiru can definitely confirm that this was a shitty, shitty day.
First, when he woke up, he already dreaded the day and was feeling a bit more tired than usual, his limbs feeling like dead weight, his body just asking him to go back to sleep because it was just one of those bad days of when he just wanted to let the day pass by as if he was just a background character.
One of those days where he just wanted to skip everything and not do anything.
He of course, knew that today was the day of where he would have to 'guard' his past comrades and that he shouldn't just idle around doing nothing, so he pushed himself to do something simple and productive.
Even if his body told him to stop and let his mind fall into the dark hole and abyss that he has submerged himself into many times after his mom died, and to let his mind fall eternally.
The 'abyss' was a big pitfall of where most of his troubles and sadness go, and the 'hole' was a big gaping and empty hole that was carved out of him after his mother died.
He felt empty.
He was only 6 then, so naïve, so bright; but when his mother died, he was lost and didn't know where to go at all, even if his kind uncle took him in.
He had tried climbing out of the hole many times and actually succeeded in making some progress done over time, and over years he finally managed to hoist himself over the edge and not get consumed by the abyss, and it took even longer to take a few steps away from it with the help of others.
However, he was thrown back by a forceful and painful push into that abyss when Sleepy Ash betrayed him, telling him that he was useless (even if he already knew that well since a long time ago) and a waste of space.
And it stung, it hurt so badly, his soul was broken and for awhile he let his mind fall eternally into that abyss and gave up on getting himself out because what was the point anyways?
He knew that he was a useless person since a long time ago (and that was why he took on other people's' workload to try to prove to be of some sort of helpfulness and to be accepted) and he knew that he wasn't worth Sleepy Ash's time, so he gave up and ran away from that hellhole.
Maybe it was him, really, because he remembered on how pushy and irritating he was back then, how annoyingly pure he was, how fucking useless and a brat he was that claimed that everything could be solved diplomatically and that there should be peace instead of war.
But during the time when he was still enduring the consequences of the contract, couldn't he have at least noticed some of his pain?
Would it have killed him to even take note of what was happening, that he was suffering in agony quietly just because he wanted him to be happy for once?
Would it have killed Sleepy Ash to even notice and help?
Even now he was still falling down that hole, but he was falling slower and would sometimes manage to grab onto one of the ledges before losing it and falling again; but hey, that was progress.
Tsurugi and the others, including Sakuya, knew that when he had a bad day, they shouldn't bother him that much and should just let him be alone in his room.
They were so used to it at this point that they knew the exact things that would indicate that he was having a bad day:
Droopy and blank eyes, a forced smile that looked more like a grimace, loss of appetite, a cloud of gloominess that seemed to follow him around, inability to feel pain because everything was dulled, short answers because he didn't want to waste the energy to speak, looking like a dead corpse walking and being quiet most of the time.
They knew the factors that indicated that he had a bad day and they were supportive; giving him space, doing most of his work for him, telling him that they'll be there for him and not needing to go to Shuuhei's and Izuna's classes.
And Mahiru was so grateful to have such great and understanding people around him because if he didn't, who knows what would have become of him at this point.
Lifeless? Dead? Suicidal? You can list down even more options and he'll accept it.
He hated himself on how weak he was, to depend on people (even though he's been depending on himself for a long, long time) to get him through with life and not just ending it short, hated himself on how he wanted people to see and understand his pain, hated himself on how he wanted people to care.
And when he had a bad day, that feeling doubled.
It just so happened that today was one of those bad days where everything was dulled, his energy and personality alike, everything felt so heavy as if he was lifting a million tonnes, and where he just didn't want to deal with anything and just let time pass by as if he didn't exist.
It was one of those days where he has completely given up on trying to live 'contently' and continued falling, hoping to meet the pitfall's end and being able to rest forever without dealing with anything troublesome.
And so when Sleepy Ash magically appeared before his eyes, he concluded that he didn't want to deal with any of this crap because he was just so tired.
He liked simple things, and Sleepy Ash appearing on one of his bad days just made things a whole lot complicated and worse.
So yeah, he could definitely conclude that today was a shitty, shitty day.
Double shits for your information; not just one shit, two. That was how shitty it was. You could even add a third shit in there and he wouldn't mind at all because it was true.
He gazed at those crimson red eyes that looked so magnificent and beautiful and alluring (he was shameful to admit that even before when he was the Eve of sloth, he still concluded that those eyes were gorgeous) yet so pained at the same time.
He gulped as he gave a feeble answer (it disgusted him on how weak his voice was),"Uh...no, um, I change my mind. Sorry, you can keep it. It probably wasn't that healthy anyways."
He was quick to turn on his heel to leave because he just didn't want to deal with this right now, but of course, Sleepy Ash wasn't going to let go that easily.
"Wait—!" The vampire cried as he reached to grab his hand and instinctively, he spun around and pulled it to his chest protectively and tightly with a fearful look in his eyes, and it absolutely broke Sleepy Ash's heart.
Mahiru looked so...scared, petrified, vulnerable, and in his eyes, it was as if there was a monster right in front of him and the monster was him, and it hurt him so much.
Mahiru was so scared and this was all because of him.
He retracted his hand immediately, not wanting to cause any further discomfort for the brunet towards him, and he was about to apologise when Mahiru shockingly beat him to it and his behaviour was completely different from two days ago,"I-I'm sorry. I-I can't— I have to leave."
Two days ago, he was intimidating and emotionless but now... he looked like a child who just broke something and was afraid of the punishments he would receive.
Mahiru bolted out of the aisle, not caring for the other things he had in his basket and left it on the ground, not caring for Sleepy Ash's cries of 'Wait, please, come back!' because fear overwhelmed him.
If he stayed, he was just going to be used and be broken later again.
Humiliation started to eat him from the inside out because he was running away due to fear, something that was shunned on in the C3, but he swallowed and pushed his ego down and continued running out onto the streets.
It also did not help him that Sleepy Ash was still chasing him and that the world was closing in on him, his palms were getting sweaty, his breaths were getting really uneven (and that wasn't due to the running) and oh god, there was blood underneath his nails and he was a killer—
He shook his head and tried to calm himself down, himself that was on the edge of the cliff and ready to fall down, himself that was on the verge of having a panic attack.
Get back to the C3 and run away from Sleepy Ash first, panic attack later.
He'll have all the time to panic when he's back in his room, alone and on his bed.
"Excuse me, sorry— Coming through!" He apologised to the passerby's as he manoeuvred himself through the crowd, pushing people left and right to create a path for himself, ignoring the rude remarks and curses aimed for him.
"M-Mahiru, please—!"
"Shit," He cursed to himself as he urged his feet to run faster, regardless if they're aching in pain and are probably complaining at this point but he didn't care at all and was running purely on adrenaline.
The fact that he could still hear Sleepy Ash's voice meant that he was still nearby and he had to lose him!
He just had to!
His eyes instinctively turned to look at an alleyway (damn, the alleyways are really useful in many situations) and noticed a fire escape connected to the side of a building and rushed to get to it, making himself blend in with the crowd while he was on it so as to confuse Sleepy Ash even further.
He quickly hoisted himself onto the ladder and climbed it at alarming speeds, wanting to get to the top of the building as fast as possible.
After a few minutes, he was at the top already and just only managed to get himself over the ledge before he heard Sleepy Ash's voice being scarily loud and distinguishable, meaning that he was super close,"M-Mahiru, where are you?!"
He hid behind the ledge of the wall (it was probably illegal to do this but he didn't care at this point) and tried to even his breaths out, breathing in and out slowly so as to not have the beginnings of a panic attack rise up, and he decided to focus his hearing towards a particular person.
He sucked in a deep breath when he heard the loud footsteps of that same person come from at least three floors below (his senses were honed) and he took a big risk as he peered over the ledge.
There Sleepy Ash was, looking around frantically with sweat rolling down his forehead and looked like he was on the verge of an attack too (hah, what a coincidence!) and he looked...desperate.
Huh, weird. Well, that was a new emotion on the vampire that he has not seen until today, aside from him begging of course.
"Mahiru, please! Where are you?!" He called out as he cupped the sides of his mouth to project his voice even further, but as expected, no one replied.
He heard Sleepy Ash click his tongue and Mahiru flinched at that, but he widened his eyes when the vampire got to his knees and tilted his head down, causing him to not be able to see his face, but the sounds that he was making was enough for him to know exactly what he was doing.
He was crying, sobbing and hiccuping.
It sounded so painful, so real, so desperate and it absolutely made Mahiru's heart wrench itself in the gutter as something deep inside him was screaming at him to help Sleepy Ash right now.
HelpSleepyAshHelpSleepyAshHelpSleepyAshHelp—
Help Kuro.
He gasped as his eyes shot wide open and a surge of electricity just ran through his entire body, shocking him and he barely noticed a painful yelp being sounded out too, and he fell back on his behind and brought his hands up to his eyes.
What the hell was that?
Why did his body react like that when that disgusting name came into his mind with an intent to help? Why did he even feel that way? Why? What the hell even happened?
Why was he feeling such a strong urge, emotion and desire to help Kuro?
Why was it as if he was still connected to him, and a strong connection at that?!
One of his hands came to rest at his forehead and moved his wet, sticky and sweaty hair from being plastered onto his skin, and subconsciously and involuntarily, his mouth moved to form a name that fitted his lips so perfectly yet felt repulsing at the same time:
"...Kuro..."
Again, a surge of electricity shot up through his entire body, his blood and veins suddenly flaring up with a deadly poison inside, his breaths were getting really uneven, and he made a loud and strangulated cry of pain,"GH— AGHHHH!"
This time, he fell back to land on the rough surface and his hands came to hug himself tightly as he bit on his lip harshly to prevent the tears from coming because it was humiliating.
Sleepy Ash though, even in the midst of a sudden electric shock that he didn't know how or why he received, heard that cry clearly and it pierced through his ears like ice as his eyes immediately turned to look up at the roof of the building.
Mahiru was up there.
He didn't know how he got there so quickly, but he was up there, and that was all that mattered at this point.
He gave a shout that resounded against the walls, eager to get a response he knows he won't get and forgot the pain that he was suffering earlier,"Mahiru! Are you up there?! Are you okay?!"
He expected to get deafening silence in return or a snarky response if you take into consideration his attitude towards him now, but surprisingly (and alarmingly), he heard another cry of pain but this time, a bit muffled and softer as if something was trying to mask it.
And that terrified Sleepy Ash.
His animalistic and protective instincts screamed at him to do something and before he knew it, he was already climbing the ladder as fast as he could and was even using his strength to propel himself up so he could get to Mahiru faster.
Once he got over the ledge though, the scene he saw absolutely made him gasp and made his eyes widen.
Mahiru was on the ground, his hands snaked around his small petite body frame in some form of consolation and protection as his form rocked and shook like a trembling leaf, and his expression was painful to say the least.
A wave and rush of protection overwhelmed Sleepy Ash (and a traitorous part of him wondered if this was how Mahiru looked like when he was suffering the consequences, making his guilt double even more) as he reached out a hand to him.
"...Mahiru?"
Almost instantly, Mahiru's eyes shot open and he scrambled to get up on his feet, only succeeding to get his back straight up and his hands still hugging himself.
He tried to not think of the fact that he was already close to tears, and tried to glare at Sleepy Ash with the best of his ability right now.
"What else do you want from me?!" He snapped harshly at him and Sleepy Ash flinched,"I've given you everything you've wanted already! Freedom, happiness, everything! And I even sacrificed myself for it! But you didn't care, did you?!"
"Mahiru—"
"I've given you everything that I can offer already, so don't you dare ask for anything else! I have nothing else to give because my soul is already empty, emptied from the inside out because of your greediness!" His face was streaming full of tears already, but he couldn't stop.
The dam was broken, and the water kept gushing out.
And that was when Mahiru saw it, and he instantly wanted to retract his words.
Sleepy Ash's crying face that was full of despair, hopelessness, self loathe, regret, anger, remorse and sorrow, was staring straight at him with broken eyes.
His form slowly slid down as he got onto his knees, taking Mahiru aback, and he whispered one genuine thing.
"...I'm sorry, Mahiru. I r-really am."
Mahiru gulped and retracted back, wary of everything because this may just be a facade or something to get his guard down, but a second look at Sleepy Ash's face made his resolve crumble away, and everything was screaming at him to engulf the vampire into a hug—
'No,' a voice called out in his mind, 'don't do it. Don't be weak. He's your killer. Don't feel empathetic for your own damn killer. Hurry up and leave. Don't let your resolve crumble away at just a pathetic act. He's lying. He'll just use you again.'
His breath hitched as he hastily got up, and he scrambled to get away from Sleepy Ash and neared the other end of the building.
Sleepy Ash though, did nothing to stop him; instead, just staring at him with a painful look in his eyes and watched as he prepared to jump off the building to get to safety (he knew what Mahiru could do, so he knew he wouldn't get hurt).
Before jumping off the building though, Mahiru turned to look Sleepy Ash (Kuro) in the eye, and both noticed that they had a deep understanding of each other, and Mahiru gritted his teeth at that as he shook his head and jumped, eager to quickly get back to the C3 immediately.
Sleepy Ash merely tilted his head down and cried out loud in agony and loneliness in return, cursing his very existence for even being alive, his voice cracking along the way and becoming hoarse because of all the painful cries he made.
What they both didn't notice though, was that the engravings on Mahiru's wrist had turned even darker than before, making it a bit ever more noticeable.
The symbolism of that?
Well, who knows, but it was certain that Mahiru will have to hide those later, preferably while cursing at it and crying in the mirror at the same time.