*1 week later
'You're supposed to be my friend
We're supposed to get along
Hey, your supposed to be my friend, thats right
Right?
Its hard to get you on the phone
You're never home
But your supposed to be my friend
You supposed to be my friend
Start actin like it'
I was on my way to art class with my headphones in listening to the 1990s. Jovie barley spoke to me all week, nothing but a casual 'Hi Gerard' Or 'Can I borrow a pencil?" I couldn't tell if she was mad at me, or if it facing me was awkward, or if she was too busy with the idea of Chris. I made it to my classroom late, when I opened the door everyone turned to face me. The teacher gave me a scowling look.
"Gerard." She addressed me as she crossed her arms.
"Yes?" I sighed as I pulled out my earbuds.
"Would you mind telling the class why you are late?"
"...Someone told me to go to hell, couldn't find it at first but now im here." I replying with an attitude, the past week hasn't put me in the best mood.
My teachers face tensed as if she was holding back her urge to yell at me.
"Mr. Way, please take your seat immediately before I report you to the office." She snapped.
I didn't argue. I walked to the desk and slumped in my chair, Jovie wasn't here yet. My dorm was empty, Jovie hasn't come for her things yet, but she probably will soon. It'll just be me alone in there. I could see someone staring at me from the corner of my eye. Jason.
*Flashback (Chapter 3)
"Hey you emo fag!" This dick, Jason, picked up my clay and threw it. You'd think college would have more mature people.
"Hey! Pick on someone your own size douche!" Jo stands up.
"Jo sit back down!" I warn, I dont know what I would do if she got hurt for me.
"What are you gonna do, slut!" Jason spits.
*End of Flashback
Hes been giving me "trouble". I dont want to say hes bullying me because that makes me sound like a little kid that cant stand up for himself. He constantly picks on me, draws attention to me and embarrasses me in front of my classmates. Now he has this dumb slut as a girlfriend, her name is Jessica and she treats me even WORSE than he does.
"Hey emo!" He called at me loudly so everyone can hear.
I didnt turn my head, I ignored him, hoping he would just leave me alone. But of course they didnt, in fact they WALKED over towards me.
"Hey fag, wheres you little girlfriend?" Jason shaked my shoulder.
"Shes not my girlfriend-" I mumbled.
"Oh yeah, girls arent your type right?" He sneered, I heard snickering around the classroom.
I did the only thing I could do. Ignore him. I shrunk back in my seat and stayed quiet. Jason wanted me to react so I didn't. But his girlfriend and the class where egging him to go on and humiliate me. He thought and scrolled through a list of insults in his head before saying one-
"Hey, Gerard I got a one dollar hand job from your sister!" He laughed.
Fuck? I dont even HAVE a sister!!! He was so ignorant, I wanted to ignore him but my sassiness started to kick in.
"Oh really? So shes charging a dollar per inch now?" I snapped with a grin.
This time the class laughed at him. He looked angry and slightly embarrassed.
"Uh, Shut up! You've never even gotton a handjob! You OWN hand doesn't count."
Oh, if only he knew... I rolled my eyes. If I defended myself he would just insult me right back and things would just get worse.
"Fuck off Jason." I grumbled.
"Aww, am I hurting your feelings? What are you gonna do? Go home and cut yourself?"
What?? I was wearing a tee shirt for Gods sake, you could see my blank untouched wrists in front of me. But everyone turned there heads to stare at me. Sure my life was shit, but I haven't... cut since high school. When my life was at its breaking point and I couldn't take it anymore, but I was an ADULT now and I was looking forward to better not worse. Suicide was a permanent solution to a temporary problem, I tried to eliminate all its thoughts from my head.
"I don-"
"Suicide is pathetic," Jason cut me off.
"Id rather KILL myself than commit suicide." Jessica budded in.
Wait... what? Like I said, shes one dumb slut.
"I heard your taking music, what, you think your gonna be famous or something? A rock star? Really? You know that career needs a thing called 'talent'."
That hurt. Iv always hesitanted myself going into the music industry. Maybe I wasn't that good... and it was a small chance id actually make it far in life. Right now my only real talent was stress eating. Now everyone was giggling. Words like "Gerard? Really? Music?" They all doubted me. I felt embarrassed, but I also felt angry, luckily the bell rang out and I grabbed my stuff and bolted out the door to lunch.
What a, what a, ugg, what a fucking bully. Thats what he was, a bully. Iv been picked on and pushed around my entire life. Iv been bullied since the 2nd grade, I remember my first bully being some 5th grader named Micheal Tanner. Now that I look back, his jokes weren't really that funny or clever, but in elementary school just making fart noises will make people laugh.
*Flashback
I was in 2nd grade, little seven year old me was reading a comic book in on the bus when Micheal Tanner leaned in close to my ear and whispered barley audible-
"If your stupid say 'what'."
"What?..." I said looking up, he had said it so quiet I didnt hear what he said.
"OH OH FUCK! SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH! I GOT YOU SO GOOD! OH JESUS CHRIST, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE! I CANT BREATH! IM DEAD! YOUR SO FUCKING STUPID! I CANT BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THAT SHIT! OH HOLY FUCK! OH MY FUCKING GOD! DAMN GERARD YOUR SUCH A DUMB MOTHERFUCKER! OH OH IM ORGASMING! OH SHIT! THIS IS LITERALLY THE FUNNIEST THING OF THE YEAR!" He was in tears of laughter, and so were all the kids on the bus, they were pointing and laughing at me. I was so embarrassed, the next day I told the teachers and the guidance consular about my bullying issues with Michael. I expected them to actually help me since there are literally hundreds of "Anti Bullying" posters around the school and we were always having pep rallies about bullying. Even the teachers tell everyday that school is a bully free zone and if you feel unsafe or if someone is bullying you, you must quickly alert an adult authority and they will end it. And that day I told the teachers I learned that all that IS BULLSHIT. They didnt do ANYTHING. They said they weren't there to witness me being bullying so they couldn't do anything about it.
School system in a nutshell:
School: We dont allow bullying, if your a bully we'll fuck you up.
Student: Im getting bullied.
School: What the fuck do you want us to do about it.
The next day at lunch, Michael continued to be a complete dick sack to me. I was eating some goldfish crackers out of the bag when he jerked them from my hand-
"THIS HAS ZERO GRAMS OF FAT WHICH IS GOOD FOR YOUR FAT ASS, LOOK, THIS FISH HAS SHADES ON, YOU WISH YOU BE THAT COOL! YOU FAT WORTHLESS SHIT!"
Im gonna tell you, Michael had no room to talk. Thats right, Michael Tanner was fat. He was the biggest kid in the fifth grade. I was terrified that one day he was going to eat me. I watched him take a handful of MY goldfish crackers and shove them down his throat.
"THESE FISH TASTE SO FUCKING GOOD I JUST WANNA SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS!"
So I went hungry that day because his fat ass ate all my lunch.
But I remember one day when me and Michael really got into it. It was at recess. I wasn't a real active kid so I sat down on the grass and was drawing a picture I had worked really hard on all day. Then I saw Michael walking towards me, he snatched my drawing from me and tried to run away with it-
Of course he only made it four steps before he ran out of breath and almost died. I was tired of him pushing me around so this time I bolted up to my feet.
"Hey! Give it back! You, you, you fat ass!" It was the first bad word I had ever said, I wanted to sound intimidating.
He was pissed beyond belief. If his legs could carry his weight he'd probably chase me.
"Im not fat im big boned!" He spat angrily. I couldn't contain the sassiness-
"Bones dont jiggle when you run!" I snapped.
And thats the day Michael Tanner beat the living fuck out of me.
*End Of Flashback
I picked at my food at lunch. Jovie took a seat down next to me, her face was buried in her phone. I looked at her and frowned, I had missed her but she really didnt seem to miss me, I feel like iv been downgraded from best friend to acquaintance.
"Hey Jo." I waved casually.
"Hey Gerard." She said without looking up from her phone. She smiled and laughed to herself, she was texting Chris.
"Hi Jovie!" Naomi walked over to our table carrying her lunch tray.
This time she actually did look up from her phone.
"Hey Naomi, you seem to be in a good mood. Well and even better mood than usual."
"Tomorrow is Valentines Day!!!" She squealed.
"Me and Toby have been dating more than two months, and hes taking me to the fair tomorrow! I love fairs!"
Ah, Valentines Day, Ill see all the happy couples and ill be alone in my dorm jerking off and eating chocolate. I know it sounds depressing, but not really, its how I spend every Valentines Day.
"Hey, Chris was saying he was gonna take me to the fair for Valentines Day, we could double date!"
"Yeah! It will be just like our first date! How romantic! Well it will be ALMOST like our first date, since... Gerard isnt, you know, coming.. um...well instead of Gerard itll be Chris... yeah um... ill shut up now." Naomi trailed off realizing how awkward she made things.
Just then Jovies phone rang.
"Aw, its Chris, ill be back." She said as she put the phone to her ear and walked off giggling.
"Im not that hungry guys ill catch up with you guys later..." I said pushing my tray aside and walking off.
"Gerard! Dont forget band practice later today!" Frank called out loudly as I walked away.
I cringed as I remembered Jasons hurtful words about me wanting to be a singer. I balled up fists. I hated him. I hated everyone who ever laughed at me. I thought about what he said about me being "suicidal"... sometimes I actually think about giving up, but then I remember all the people I have to prove wrong. One day, ill show them. One day ill get revenge... and it'll be sweet.