This is the story, of how I got driven to not only love, but to insanity. I loved, and I still love her. I'll always love her. But she's crazy, and I was crazy for her. She's crazy for leaving me, when she had no reason to. Apparently I was the "crazy" one in the relationship we were in. Enough of crazy.
This isn't your average love story, it actually doesn't even involve love. Well except for her and her new boyfriend, I did love her, but something in me just wasn't able to show that all too well. She made me happy, but I always exerted just, emotionless.
Many women have told me this before, but it was because I was extremely jealous of other guys talking to them when we were together. But after we'd break up, it was normal. I'd move on like nothing.
But when she moved on, God I wanted to just fucking kill him... and her. There's nothing wrong with me, it's all mental. I need help, but I'm not crazy. I just love her, I need a psychologist to help me. We could have worked it out, but apparently I was just too much for her, I was just too much of a psychopath.
Jason's POV
"Well that's the last of it dad, I'll be out of here soon." I tell my dad and he opens his arms for me to hug him. "I'm proud of you son, this is a big step for you, and I know you're going to do great things," he tells me and I smile as he lets me go. "Thanks dad... I think mom would be proud of me," I hesitantly bring her up. "Anyone would be, even her," he tells me and I smile and blink away the tears.
I look down at my arms filled with beating scars, and run my hand through my hair feeling the permanent bumps from hits and kicks in the past. "You don't have to remember the reason for those scars, okay Jason? You're a McCann, you got a strong heart in you," he tells me and I thank him, "Well I'll be out dad, I'll give you the key to the house next week so you can visit anytime. And I'll give you the address for the money," I tell him leaving the house and walk to my car. "I'll see you soon son, I love you," he says as I get in my car "you too dad." I drive off.
"To new beginnings" I think to myself driving out into the streets to my new home. It's about thirty minutes away from my dad's house, not too far, but far enough to be independent and on my own.
Pulling up to the driveway I sigh as I stare at the house. All mine, I smile at myself. Opening the trunk, a box slides off of the mountain of boxes, and crashes onto the black cement making glass fall everywhere. "Please don't be the China," I beg at nothing. I flip over the pieces, what do you know, the China plates. I roll my eyes and flip over the box, all the plates shattered.
"Just stay calm, remember what the therapist said," I say as I calm down before I hurt anyone or even myself. I just needed to breathe. I've gone through this before so many times, it's all just in my head.
Yeah that's all it is, in my head.
I sigh loudly as I pick up the broken pieces and place them all in the box. I'll go to the store later to buy them, I make a mental note of. After picking the pieces up, I began taking other boxes out. Box after another, it's finally empty, and now the house is scattered with them. I start at the kitchen and unpack to place them all in the cabinets. Glass cups, Tupperware, plastic bowls, forks and spoons, knifes. Everything but my nice plates, now I really have to go to the store today to get those plates.
I decide to the leave the rest for tomorrow, and go to the store. And I got lost. My dad did tell me it was a new city that they were building, but I didn't know there would be absolutely nothing F.O.R. M.I.L.E.S. "Im going to lose my mind, where the fuck is Walmart?" I say continuing to drive. It's been thirty minutes, there really can't be nothing for miles.
I look off the freeway and see a Costco, "I can get pizza, but when I get home, what am I going to eat off of?" I lightly tug at my hair. I take a deep breath and smile at the road "I'll find it," I tell myself.
After finding a Walmart, I get out of the car and go to the kitchen aisle. "There they are," I say and grab the plates, at the same time as an old wrinkly white hand does. I keep my hand on the plates and look over at the white little old lady, "I'm sorry, seems we both have a taste for fine plates huh?" She laughs and I don't laugh. "And it seems you need to get your old dying hands off of MY plates," Her smile immediately drops and she becomes worried.
"There are many other ones young man, my husband loves these ones. I'm sure you'll find the other ones quite lovely," she tells me and I reply tugging at the plates "No, Im taking these, and you can tell your husband there wasn't any. Hm? How does that sound?" I ask her yanking the plates from her hand and she frowns. She walks away and I turn around. "Always my way," I say to myself. God I wanted to kill her, she provoked the shit out of me right now.
I look over at the aisle of books, I am a bookworm, so I walk over to the many shelves of books. My eyes scatter everywhere, for the right book. Me Before You, I love that movie, I'm sure I'd love the book. As I grab it, just my luck, another hand does.
Not this shit again.
"Oh, I'm sorry, you can have it," a sweet voice says and I look at the speaker. I look at her appearance. Her face was even more gorgeous than her voice, she had this gorgeous smile that took me by surprise. Her hair lay in the middle of her back, and her lips were just plump enough. "Wow," I say lightly and she blushes. "You can take the book," she says handing me it. "But–I, its fine, go ahead," I say "No, no, I insist!" she says.
I pause, I look at her. She seems gullible.
"Take the book, I've seen the movie one too many times to already know what happens," I tell her and she says "Well, reading it won't be so bad, since you're okay with me taking it, how about, when I finish it, I'll give it to you. Give me your number, and I'll let you have it after I'm done with it," she says and I nod my head. She takes out her phone and I add it to her contacts "I shall meet you again in about two weeks Jason," she tells me seeing my name on her phone.
"And I'll see you..." "Ana" she tells me and I smile nodding. Walking away, I buy the plates and go back home. On the freeway I see the same lady from the store driving. I look at the plates sitting behind me and smile to myself knowing I got them and not her.
Following weekend
It was a nice morning, so I decided to sit outside in my lawn to read a book. Sitting down on the grass, I lick my finger and flip the page. Just as so, at the corner of my eye, someone sits on their front lawn as well. I shift my eyes over to the person and see they were reading too. Anger filled me, can I not have privacy? I couldn't see their face nor the book they were reading, but anger filled me.
I see them staring at me, and I grind my teeth, surprises me they haven't fallen out yet. "Hey!" I hear the person say and my hand shakes so bad I could barley read the black ink on the pages. "Hey, remember me?!" They yell out again and I begin panting. I slam the page over to read on, and then I see them stand up.
At this point, I'm seething as all I'm doing is trying to read my fucking book. I could barley even read so I slam the book closed and see them standing next to me. "What?!" I say looking over at them, it was Ana. "Oh Ana, hi!" I say getting up from the floor and drop the book to the floor. "Sorry to disturb you, but I didn't know we were neighbors," she says being scared, and I lift my eyebrows.
I'm neighbors with this annoying idiot?
"Oh, it's alright. And I guess we are, isn't that funny?" I say lightly laughing to seem ecstatic to see her, she buys it obviously.
They always do.
"How's the book going?" I ask her and she replies. "It's going really good, I'm halfway done. I've just been busy with work so I read on my free time. He's a bit of a jerk huh?" She asks and I agree to the main character she was referring to. "Yeah, and it's crazy that she can handle him huh?" And she nods "Exactly! I wouldn't want to deal with someone like that," she says and I take a mental note of that.
"So, what book are you reading?" She asks and I show her "A Child Called It?" she says in a questioning tone. "Yeah, I'll let you read it when you finish the one you have now," I offer and her eyes light up. "Okay, yeah. I think I just found myself a book buddy," she says and I nod my head as she laughs, why does she find everything so funny?
"Well, I'll let you get back to the reading Jason, and I'll catch up with you soon," she says. "Sounds good." She smiles turning around to go back to her lawn. I reopen my book and until sundown, I lift myself off the grass, and head to my door.
"Hey Jason!" Ana calls and I pause in my tracks, I breathe deeply and turn around swiftly once she's at my door step. "Yes Ana?" I reply, to which she answers "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out sometime, like go to Barnes and Noble, or hang out at a cafe while we read or something?" She says and I look at her. "Um, if you want yeah, we could go," I say and she smiles "Great! I'll talk to you soon. Good Night Jason," she says.
It's not even seven in the afternoon yet, idiot.
"Good Night Ana." I say with no emotion and open my front door. After I ate some left over chicken piccata from lunch, I head on to the shower. Drying myself I wrap the towel around my torso, exposing my abs and tattooed biceps. Walking out of the bathroom to my right side I see a light on; it was Ana's room. She was getting undressed. Even surprising myself, I watch as she removed her shirt leaving herself in a bra and removes her jeans to expose her lace underwear.
"Fuck," I mutter swallowing a breath of air. Her body was gorgeous, curvy in the right areas. Grabbing my shaft I begin breathing heavy, and she looks. I quickly hide at the left wall of the window, and after a few moments, I look over. She was gone.
"Shit!" I whisper banging my fist on the wall. She didn't see me, that's impossible that she saw me. Rolling my eyes I turn to the box with my pajamas, then the one with my boxers, then the one with my socks. I get the box with my blankets and set it on the newly cleaned carpet, laying in between the carpet and the blankets.
I wonder what she does for a living. Annoy the living shit out people. Maybe she's a barista, or works at the movies. She has to be about nineteen, no older than twenty. Hanging out with her is the only way to actually get to know her, I could use company in this lonely fucking city.
It's people like Ana that accept anybody, and will be with anybody no matter their flaws. That's all they are, just flaws, mental flaws. I'll make her fall for me, and make her become obsessed with me, so hard it'll hurt her heart to be away from me.
It's easy, many of them have, and they never moved on from me. I'm easy to fall for, and women like Ana are easy to fall for, that's why we're perfect for each other. Plus, this house is pretty empty, I could use another presence to make me happy. And I'm sure Ana would love someone like me to spend time with.
She's vulnerable, needy, easy to pull in. And I'll be that person to pull her into me so bad, I'll become a part of her daily life and she'll be needing me every second of the day. I'll make it happen, it always and only has to be the way I want things to go.