Promise this, if I die before I wake up
Promise this, take the time to say your grace.
On your knees you'll pray for me
Promise this, be the last to kiss my lips...
---
Against every instinct in him, Hamdan eventually left the hospital. He decided to lie down on the backseat of his car and did not speak a word while Saeed drove with Uncle Saeed on the passenger seat.
He received a frantic call from Erin, she and Abby found through Uma, but Hamdan quickly let her know about the visiting restrictions so they would not waste their time stopping by the hospital before Sarah's parents got there. It was when he was talking to Erin that he remembered Tom. The girls had already told him and Hamdan made the call to also offer him a private plane to take him to Dubai as soon as possible.
He dragged himself out of the car, assuring his uncle and bodyguard that they could go to their homes and leave him alone. When he got to his bedroom, he found Rooster on Sarah's side of the bed. The dog barely looked at him and whined. Hamdan's heart clenched and he sat by his side, silently comforting their pet by scratching his head.
He took a shower, pretty much like the one he took back in his boat the day before. It seemed so long ago, but only a day had passed and he and Sarah were granted only a handful of hours to be happy together. He went back to lie next to Rooster and started to scroll through her pictures on his cellphone.
Time kept running at slow pace until the clock showed it was 10:30. He had not eaten since breakfast but was not hungry at all. Her parents would be there in a few hours but he was unsure how to feel about it. How was he supposed to act in front of them? Would they ask if he wanted to see her? What if they did not? How could he ask? And if they did, could he be alone with her? Hamdan knew news about Sarah and him would mostly worry them and he did not want to pile onto their anguish at such difficult times.
He thought about what seemed like his only chance and having so many doubts about what the situation would be later on, he decided to go for it. He changed into jeans and a polo shirt before heading out to the garage, where he opted for the Audi that always picked Sarah up.
His fingers nervously tapping on his leg as the elevator went up to the third floor where the ICU was. The doors opened and a security guard behind a desk lifted his gaze from the newspaper he was reading and examined Hamdan from head to toe. To the left there was an empty waiting area and to the right, an all white corridor leading to other parts of the hospital.
"Good night." Hamdan said as he approached the desk.
The man slowly rose from his seat with eyes fixed on him. "I know who you are... Sheikh Hamdan!" He smiled extending his hand.
"It's very nice to meet you..." Hamdan waited for the man's name.
"Mohammed, sir."
"Mohammed." Hamdan smiled. "See, Mohammed, I was hoping you could help me."
"Anything, sir." The man nodded with eyebrows up on his forehead.
"There's no need for the sir." Hamdan noted. "I need to visit a patient in the ICU."
"Oh, I'm sorry, but visiting hours end at ten."
"I know, it's just that I want to keep a low profile, you know?"
"I understand. In that case I can call doctor Gouher for you." Mohammed suggested. "She's the only one that can help you."
"Please, would you do that?"
Mohammed nodded and picked up the phone. "Doctor Gouher please." He waited for a moment. "Doctor, there's someone here for you." He hanged up the phone and turned to Hamdan. "She's coming."
Hamdan thanked Mohammed and asked for one last favor. "Could I count on your discretion?"
"Of course, sir. Anything for you and your family." Mohammed beamed.
The security door to the ICU beeped and and a petite woman with dark hair and droopy eyes came out.
"Doctor Gouher, goodnight." Hamdan greeted. "We've never met but I'm--"
"Sheikh Hamdan." The doctor finished the sentence for him.
"Hamdan is fine." He pointed out. "My friend Mohammed here, tells me you're the only one who can help me. I need to see a patient in the ICU."
Doctor Gouher frowned. "But visiting hours are--"
"I know, I know. But I can't let people see me here."
"Who do you want to see?" She asked.
"Sarah Anderson. She's my fiancée, but no one knows about it."
She puffed. "I'm sorry Shei--"
"Hamdan."
"I'm sorry, Hamdan." The doctor corrected herself. "But without her family here..."
"Please, I'm begging you." Hamdan brought his palms together in front of his mouth. "Are you married?"
Doctor Gouher frowned again.
"I don't mean to intrude," he apologized. "But yesterday.... Yesterday I asked her to marry me and she said yes and we made all this plans and then she went riding and--"
"Fine. You can have fifteen minutes." She conceded.
Only fifteen?!
"How about thirty?"
She rolled her eyes. "Twenty. And don't make me change my mind."
Doctor Gouher entered the code and pushed the door open, it led to a tiny room with an stainless steel sink.
"Wash your hands, please." She requested.
Hamdan followed the instructions while the doctor watched him closely. He dried his hands and she entered a code to open a second door. The Intensive Care Unit was a long corridor, in front of him he could see nothing but blue curtains, in the middle of the hallway across from the curtains, there was a nurse station.
"There are no rooms?" Hamdan asked the doctor while following her.
"It's important for us to have easy access to patients in case of an emergency or if they need to be transported to the operating room hurriedly." The doctor explained.
Doctor Gouher held on the curtain at the end of the hall and paused before opening. "I should warn you, she has a breathing tube in her mouth, is normal procedure for patients under induced coma. She also has a neck brace on and several cords attached to her chest and arms, those help us monitor her vitals at all times and she also has an IV-line to introduce medication into her blood stream."
"Okay." Hamdan nodded.
The doctor opened the curtains and stepped to the side. "Twenty minutes." She reminded him as he walked in.
He heard the curtains close and stood in front of Sarah's bed. As much as the doctor warned him, there was nothing that could prepare him to see her surrounded by beeping machines and tubes coming out of her. He painfully closed his eyes to keep the tears in. She needed him much more that he needed her, being strong was the only way. So, he took a deep a breath and pulled a chair to sit next to her. The first thing he noticed was that her bracelet was missing. He held her hand between his, almost too scared to move any of the things attached to her.
He kissed her hand softly. "Hi, habibti." He whispered. "I love you too. That was the last thing you said to me, remember? And I didn't say it back. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, but they wouldn't let me in. Your parents will be here soon and your friends will be here tomorrow. Even Tom, I know you'll be happy to see him." His thumbs stroking the back of her hand.
"I came home and Rooster was on your side of the bed looking rather sad. He misses you, I'm sure, and I miss you..." His breaking voice kept him from talking, he swallowed the lump in his throat and continued. "But I know you'll be fine. We'll get through this and we'll make our dreams a reality, just like we planned."
He glanced up to the screens behind and around the hospital bed. Nothing made any sense.
"Do you want to hear a poem? I've written so many poems about you, I've memorized them all but you have only heard one. I'm sorry about that, I don't know why I didn't share them with you." He cleared his throat. "Okay, so this one is one of the very firsts, it's short and simple but I was frustrated. I really liked you, I knew you would be mine one day, but you were being stubborn and pushing me away from our first kiss..." He laughed at memory.
"The happy face replaces the ugly one.
Your face has given my soul life
and a reason to live.
Your face helped me to breathe
and to feel that life is beautiful.
Your face healed a man that had pain in his heart
and made him addicted to your face.
I know I can be happy with you,
regardless of your ways."
Hamdan continued reciting poems to her, until the doctor came over to let him know that time was up and he had to say good-bye. He put the chair back in place and came back next to Sarah. He held her hand again and brushed her hair to kiss her forehead.
"I'll come back tomorrow." He whispered in her ear. "I'm not sure how but I'll be here everyday, reciting my poems to you, until you can come home with us." One single tear rolled down his cheek. "I love you, my future wife and I'll be missing you every second until I get to see you again."
---
"Hamdan!"
Tom called his name as he stepped out of the elevator the next morning. They hugged each other and Hamdan tried to comfort a visibly distressed Tom with a pat on the back. Hamdan noticed his friend Mohammed had been replaced and an Asian couple were the only people in the waiting area of the ICU.
"I'm sorry, man." Tom apologized sniffing and drying his face.
"Don't worry about it." Hamdan replied as they took a seat. "Where are her parents? Did they make it okay?"
"Yeah, I just got out and they went back in."
Hamdan's stomach turned at the idea of meeting his unknowingly future in-laws.
"The girls are here too, they went to the restroom." Tom explained. "It will be hard, you know? When you see her like that."
Hamdan lowered his voice. "I already saw her."
"What?"
"A doctor helped me sneak in last night after visiting hours were over."
"Shit, that's so romantic. But hold on!" Tom's palms in front of him. "What's the status? Are you back together?"
"She didn't tell you?"
"No! I texted her yesterday and she asked me to guess where she was and it took me awhile to get back to her and then she never answered me again."
"She was at my place. When she texted you, I was there with her."
"Oh thank heavens!" Tom's eyes closed for a moment as one of his hands went to his chest. "Finally! I kept insisting that she should tell you about your dad but you know how she can be--"
"What?" Hamdan interjected. "What about my dad?"
Tom's jaw dropped to the floor. "She didn't tell you?"
"She did tell me a lot of things but nothing regarding my father."
Tom clasped a hand against his eyes. "I'm a dead man, she's going to kill me."
"It's too late now, start talking."
"Fine." Tom sighed. "Your father paid Sarah a visit while she was staying with you. He went over and, forgive my honesty, but he aggressively harrased her. Told her to remember her place and that she shouldn't get any ideas of something serious with you just because she was living there. That he would never approve of her and that you would end up marrying someone appropriate for you."
The gears in Hamdan's mind started moving and everything fell into its right place. That's why she got nervous at the idea of him and Tom talking.
"Your father made some serious threats, Hamdan and she, of course, panicked and got a plane ticket to Texas." Tom continued. "Sarah was indeed planning on talking to you because she wanted to move out, but back to her apartment only, that was it. Because she wanted to get back to training, but the truth is she didn't think of leaving the country... until your dad came along."
---
***
Yes, that's the song that inspired the title of this story. Now... who can remember the very first time Hamdan said promise this to Sarah?
Thanks to JessKnightwalker for the poem translation!
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XOXO,
Sophie.