I know you're somewhere out there,
Somewhere far away.
I want you back, I want you back...
---
The next four days went by swiftly, at least during day time. Sarah had kept herself busy working around the ranch. There were a good number of staff members that were essential to keep things running smoothly, but the family had always remained very involved on the ranch's management, proud to be hands-on owners and any extra help was always welcome.
But when the night came and it was time to go to bed, the tears would start pouring and she would cry herself to sleep and then spend the rest of the night tossing and turning in bed, despite the physical exhaustion. Hence, afternoon naps were becoming a must for Sarah to keep functioning. She was lying face down on her bed when some commotion coming from downstairs woke her up. She lifted her head trying to determine what the big fuss was about. For a moment, she thought she heard a familiar voice.
"It can't be..." She muttered.
She rolled out of bed and walked down the corridor, her steps quickened as the voices started getting more and more clear. When she got at the bottom of the stairs she squealed in excitement and jumped into her dad's arms.
"There's my doll!" He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her from the floor.
Her father's embrace had this power of making her feel that, no matter how bad things were, everything would be right in the world. She did not want to let go and fought back the tears.
When he put her down, Sarah turned to her mom.
"What are you guys doing here?" She wondered, lacing her arms around her mom's neck.
"Surprise!" Bri said, squeezing her daughter tight.
As thrilled as she was to see her parents, she was troubled by their motives. They sounded very worried about her unforeseen trip when they spoke on the phone and playing it cool for her aunt, uncle and grandma was one thing, but for her parents... that was a different story.
The first question was about her foot and Pat insisted on Sarah sitting on the couch so he could inspect it as if he had a clue about orthopedics. After the consultation with Dr. Anderson, she headed to the kitchen with Lilly and grandma Fay to start getting dinner ready. Uncle Bob was in charge of grilling the steaks, while Bri and Pat went upstairs to get settled in their room and shower after the long hours of traveling back from Africa.
During dinner, the conversation revolved around her parents trip, Sarah was relieved that her life in Dubai did not come up but it was hard to pay attention to what was being said on the table when she could not stop wondering if her parents knew anything. They might have suspected that something was off, but there was no way they had any idea of what was happening, she had covered her tracks pretty well.
Sarah offered to do the dishes while everyone else headed to the porch to get some fresh air. She was finishing loading the dishwasher when her dad popped up in the kitchen.
"Almost done?" He asked, sticking his head into the fridge.
"Yep!" She replied, drying her hands with a towel.
Pat held up a beer bottle. "You want one?"
"No, thanks."
"Come on," he pointed to the back porch with his head. "We have to talk."
She pressed her lips and followed him, every excuse possible circling around in her mind. What was the point of troubling her parents with her complicated love life? Especially at that moment when her future with Hamdan was so uncertain.
They sat on the bench overlooking the wooded area behind the house. The dark sky was plastered with twinkling bright stars that, as everything lately, reminded her of Hamdan. The first night on The Smeralda specifically.
Pat twisted his beer open and took a big gulp. "I have to tell you something, but first... what are you doing here?"
She rolled her eyes. "Dad, we talked about this on the phone."
"And I still think something's not right. Now that the doctor says you can go back to training it's when you decide to come here?" His eyebrows pushed together.
She had already thought about the answer to that question. "He said I had to take it easy, it's not like I can just go back to where I was right away."
"Well, according to Bob you haven't exactly been taking it easy around here," Pat asserted, his blue eyes fixed on her.
"It's hard for me to stay still, I got it from you. And again, my foot is fine and Salem said I could come, so..." she shrugged. "I don't know what you're worried about," as hard as it was to not break eye contact with her dad, she managed to do it, hoping that would make her more believable.
Pat took another sip examining Sarah's face. He was still hesitant, she was sure and it was making her miserable not to be able to share the most difficult times of her life with him.
"So!" She exclaimed, attempting to diverge the attention. "What did you want to tell me?"
Pat's eyes fell to the amber beer bottle in his hands. "The Hickmans are selling their property."
That was not what she was expecting to hear at all. The Hickman family owned the neighboring ranch since always and were close friends with The Andersons.
"What? Why?" She asked in shock.
Pat leaned against the backrest. "Bill is tired and none of the kids seem to be interested in taking over."
As surprising as the news was, they did not call for a one-on-one conversation.
"Why are you telling me this?" Sarah suspected.
Pat inhaled deeply. "Your uncle, cousins and I are thinking of buying it."
"What? That's why you're here?" She guessed.
"Merge the two properties together," Pat continued. "Make this the biggest ranch around."
Sarah was at the edge of her seat. "But do you want to take on that at this point in your life? I thought you guys were getting an apartment in Austin!"
"Coming back to the ranch life was an idea that always circled around my head," Pat started explaining. "Your granddaddy never said a word, but I knew he was at least a bit disappointed that we moved to Dubai and didn't opt for working here, but all my plans changed after I got the scholarship to play college football," his fingers playing with the beer bottle cap. "Thankfully, your uncle did take over."
"But it's so much work..." She pondered.
"I'll be fine! The Hickmans have a good team working with them and the plan is to keep everybody. Besides," he angled his body towards her. "Do you see your old man lying around all day watching T.V.?"
Sarah smirked. "I guess not."
"Also, your mom and I know how much you enjoy the ranch life too and we thought that maybe... Now, don't feel obliged to anything, okay?" He assured putting a palm in front of her. "But we thought this could give you a good reason to come back. Someday. Whenever you decide to retire from endurance. After all," Pat's arm went over her shoulder. "This is where we belong."
All the information was a bit hard to process given her state of mind. Was this the sign she prayed for? It could not be. Her love for Texas was unquestionable and she did enjoy the lifestyle her family led, but she could not see herself leaving the U.A.E. for good. Not after Hamdan. Yet, the rest of the world seemed to be pushing her in the opposite direction from the Middle East.
---
Hamdan was standing on a desert dune. On the horizon, the sun was setting, painting the sky with countless shades of orange. He looked to his side and Sarah was next to him, wearing a black abaya, her breathtaking eyes looking back at him while the wind made strands of her hair stroke across her face. She smiled and his eyes fell down to his arm, he extended it to offer his hand but when he looked back up she was no longer there.
He turned around calling her name and stopped when he saw her on top of a dune across from him. He instantly ran down and then back up to get to where she was, but her feet kept sinking in the sand more and more with each step. His breathing was turning heavy, it was taking him all he got to move. The sand turned into quicksand and pretty soon he was buried down to the waist. He tried to pull himself up and the sand swallowed him to the chest. He looked up to ask Sarah for help, but he was left speechless when he saw her walking down on the dune to where he was, not being sucked by the quicksand, as if she was immune to it. She offered her hand and when he got a hold of it, she pulled him out as if he was weightless. When they were face to face, she gently kissed his lips.
"Dance with me," she whispered.
Hamdan gasped loudly and sat up on the bed, panting and covered in sweat. It was the second time he had the exact same dream. He bent the knees and rested his arms on them, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. It felt like she was really there for a moment, he could almost touch her and the kiss felt so real that he had a tingling sensation on his lips.
When his breathing went back to normal, he pushed the sheets off and went to the bathroom, the light automatically went on as he walked in. Hamdan took the wet undershirt off and threw it into the laundry basket. He splashed water on his face three times before drying it up with a hand towel. Looking at himself in the mirror, he pressed his lips together, the sensation was still there.
Only a few days had passed since she was gone and things were nowhere near to getting any better, actually, everything seemed worse with each passing hour. The same simple question was driving him over the edge; why? He kept replaying every conversation, every text and every picture, the pictures that had become his treasure.
He lazily strolled back to the bedroom. If things were going to be like the first time he had the dream, it would take him a couple of hours to fall asleep again. The laptop was on the coffee table, where he left it after doing what he had done everyday when he got home since she left; look at her pictures.
He sat on the carpet and started scrolling through them again. Starting with the one he took as a mirror selfie at The Smeralda. Most of them he took without asking or without her knowing, he felt that that was the only way the lens captured her true self. His favorites were a series of most recent ones that he took one afternoon at the gardens. The videos he had were almost too painful to watch; to hear her voice, her laugh, see her expressions. So, he kept skipping them, but this time he could not resist one in particular.
It was early in the morning and she was lying sideways in bed, eyes closed, but he was sure she was awake. She always woke up with the alarm but never really moved. He turned the alarm off and for some reason decided to start taking the video.
"Sarah."
"What?" She mumbled.
"Open your eyes," he requested.
Her eyes went from mid-open to wide open when she saw the phone in front of her. Her face was instantly covered by her hands.
"Stop it, Hamdan!" Her voice was muffled by the hands.
He laughed. "What?"
"Why are you taking pictures at this ungodly hour?"
"It's a video," he corrected.
"Argh! Even worse!" She complained, kicking the covers.
"Come on," he pleaded. "Just say good morning."
"No!"
He knew he was not going anywhere with words only, so he started tickling her stomach with his free hand.
"Stop!" She yelled, laughing and squirming. "Tickles are not fair!" She accused, letting her hands fall down, making Hamdan stop with the torture.
"Say good morning," he requested again.
Her face away from the camera. "Are you going to delete this?"
"I'll delete it," He falsely promised.
"You're lying!" Her eyes were now looking at the phone.
"How can you tell I'm lying?" He wondered.
"Uh, you're pretty transparent. At least with me."
"And why aren't you the same way with me?"
She gasped. "I am!"
"No, now you're lying," he accused her.
"You can read me pretty well. Better than most people," she remarked.
"But not completely," Hamdan added.
"Well," she lifted her head to brush her hair to the side. "It's hard."
"What is hard?"
"Let someone in."
"Why?" He insisted
"Because..." She trailed off, seemingly looking for the right words. "It makes you vulnerable. Weak."
"But I'll never hurt you."
"I know," her hand reached out and pushed down the arm holding the phone. The image went to black but it was still recording. "I would never hurt you either," were her last words in the video.
Why, Sarah? Why?
He kept looking at her pictures as if they held the answer he was looking for. The more he thought about it, the less sense it made for her to leave the way she did. He got to the last picture he took of them, it was from the day before she left. He started recalling the scene; he had picked up his phone from the bedside table and sat on the couch to read a work-related e-mail. Sarah came from behind and hugged him around the shoulders.
"Come to bed," she begged, kissing behind his ear.
He closed the mail and tapped on the camera icon, holding the phone up to take a picture. She smiled and placed her face next to his. Hamdan took the picture and they went to bed like she had asked.
Staring at the image, he wondered how she could look so happy one day and then leave the next. He had revisited their steps a thousand times and only found more questions than answers. Could he know her that little? Did he get it all wrong? What was his mistake?
He snapped the laptop close and rubbed his face to ease off his troubled mind. He glanced at the moonlight peeking inside his bedroom through the window wall and rose to his feet to stand right under it, wishing the Moon could answer just one question out of all the ones he had.
Does she still love me?
His eyes closed as his hands curled up into fists that banged the window once while his forehead also rested on the cool glass.
"Does she still love me?" He implored one more time.
***
I wonder if the Moon could bring these two back together... *sigh*
Thanks again for your support. Every comment, every vote, every read, I appreciate them all!
XOXO,
Sophie.