Hamdan left looking rather somber that morning. He had not talked much since Sarah came back from the doctor's office the day before. At first, his face lit up when he saw her without the crutches, her healing process had gone incredibly well and the doctor gave the okay to start putting weight on the injured foot, although the splint had to remain in place at all times, except for sleeping or showering. Riding horses was still not allowed, but getting rid of the crutches was a big step. As she kept telling Hamdan about what the doctor said, she could distinguish the exact moment his expression changed. She was sure it was the second he became aware of her imminent departure. In her mind she was already planning on when to leave but after that, she did not have the heart to bring the subject to the table.
Living with him had been more than nice. Hamdan and all the people she met during her stay, had gone out of their way to make her feel welcome. The best part of it all being spending so much time together, of course. Seeing each other everyday, waking up next to him, dinner every night, long talks before sleeping. She cherished the little routine they had developed, but not a day had gone by in the four weeks she had spent there, that she didn't remind herself that it was all temporary.
Sarah was sitting in bed, putting the splint back on over the skinny jeans she was wearing, when she got the call letting her know that Salem had arrived. She only grabbed her phone, put it in the back pocket and whistled for Rooster to come with her. Ismail went to get the main door and she told him that her dog would be outside, playing while she was gone. She did not have time to say good-bye to Rooster as he ran off chasing after a gazelle. After one month he seemed still hopeful to catch up to one of them.
Salem was waiting in the car for her and she cheerfully opened the passenger side door and got in. "Morning, boss!"
He looked at her over his sunglasses. "Why do I have the feeling that I'm getting in trouble for this?"
"What? No!" She waved carelessly. "You're just doing me a huge favor and as a thank you, I can tell you a new joke..." Sarah hinted.
"Don't!" He warned with a hand up in front of her. "I'll take you to the stables, all I ask in return is no more jokes."
"Fine," she shrugged.
Salem made a U-turn and started driving to the main gate.
"Does Hamdan know about this?" He wondered once they were out of the property.
Sarah puffed. "Why should he? I don't have to tell him everything I do."
"But he doesn't know?" Salem insisted.
"It wasn't brought up in the conversation," she lied, as she deliberately kept the plan to herself.
Salem groaned and shook his head. "Where is he?"
"At the camel races."
The car came to a stop at a red light.
He angled his body towards her. "Sarah, you're not riding."
She had not quite made up her mind about what she was going to do once she saw Princesa, but she had to agree with Salem in order to get to the stables.
"I know! Of course I'm not! I only want to say hi to Princesa and everyone else. I miss you guys. Don't you miss me?" She asked, tilting her head and pouting.
Salem groaned again and didn't say another word for the rest of the ride. Once they got to the stables, they parted ways — Salem went to his office and she headed to Princesa's stall — talking to a couple of staff members about her broken foot on her way there. Sarah called the mare's name as soon as she walked in and Princesa popped her head out of the stall with her ears pointing forward.
"Hi!" Sarah greeted wanting to rush up to her but remembering the doctor's instructions about taking things slowly.
Princesa's head disappeared from sight but Sarah could hear her nickering and going around in circles inside the stall. When Sarah finally got there, the mare came to greet her, the big muzzle puffing and blowing on Sarah's face. Princesa did another circle kicking her hind legs back. Sarah reached out to touch her and calmed her down with kisses.
"Sarah!" Hassan was waving as he walked in her direction.
After Uma, he was her best friend there and Sarah was genuinely happy to see that honest smile again. "Hey!"
"It's been a while! How are you?" He opened up his arms for a hug.
"Better... I can walk now!" She informed him.
"Awesome!" His eyes fell down to her foot as they parted. "When are you coming back?"
"Not sure yet, at least another two weeks, but I think I'm going to lose my mind," a light bulb went up in her head and she took Hassan's presence as a sign of what she should do. "Were you just leaving?"
"Yes."
"Are you busy? Can you help me out?"
"I'm not busy..." Hassan puckered his brows. "But what do you want to do?"
Sarah looked at Princesa and then back at him.
His eyes opened wide. "You can't ride! Can you?"
"Come on! No stirrups, my foot will be dangling there, it'll be fine," Sarah pressed.
His shoulders hanged and after some more prodding accompanied by Sarah's begging eyes, he finally agreed to help her out. He put Princesa's saddle on and got a small ladder to help Sarah get on the mare's back. Hassan offered to go with them and went to get his horse.
They rode leisurely on the tracks for a good half hour while Hassan filled her in with the latest news and everything she had missed out on, including the last races of the season and Princesa's bad behavior. It was not a long or intense ride but it was enough to ease her soul. Sarah thanked her rider friend for the help and the company as they trotted past the long line of cream colored stables on their way to return the horses.
"Big boss is here," Hassan announced.
She felt her heart skip a beat when she looked up and saw the black car with the number eleven plate approaching.
What is he doing here?!
"He'll probably want to say hi to you. I'll take this boy to his stall," Hassan concluded, patting the horse on the neck.
The G Class came to a stop and she saw Hamdan on the driver's seat. Hassan staying there was her only hope to not get told off right there and then.
"No, Hassan! Wait!"
He seemed startled at her desperate tone, so she took a quick deep breath and dropped her voice.
"I have something to tell you," she added.
"What is it?"
Her mind was spinning around searching for something not entirely stupid to say. Hassan broke eye contact to say hi to Hamdan, saving her momentarily from the sticky situation. She smiled at Hamdan but he gave him a straight face back.
"How are you, Sarah?" Hamdan asked with a tensed up jaw.
He was already mad at her and Hassan was there to unknowingly protect her, so she took the chance to play a little.
"I'm doing great," she replied. "How about you?"
"Been better..." Hamdan switched the weight on his feet and crossed his arms. "So, can you ride?"
"I just did," she smirked.
Hamdan cleared his throat. "But your doctor said it was okay?"
"Yep!" She replied, lifting her chin.
He opened his mouth to speak, but his eyes moved to Hassan and that seemed to make him change his mind.
"Good. Be careful anyways," Hamdan finished.
After getting in the car, he began to frantically type on his phone. Sure enough, her phone started buzzing in her back pocket. Riding again after such a long time had her in such a good mood that what she really wanted to do was jump off of Princesa, run up to Hamdan and plant a big smooch on his long face.
"So?" Hassan wondered.
For a moment, she forgot he was there. "Sorry?"
"What were you going to tell me?"
"Uh..." She still could not come up with anything clever and gave up. "Do you know what the llama said when it got kicked out of the farm, Hassan?"
With Princesa back in the stall, she checked her phone and chose to answer all of Hamdan's angry texts with a "See you back at home!" and the blowing a kiss emoji. It was only after she pressed send that she realized what she wrote.
Home.
That was not her home. It was Hamdan's and it would never be hers as well. Her good mood slumped to the ground. It was obvious that she needed to move out as soon as possible, before it got any harder than what it already was.
---
The night had already fallen when Sarah was lying in bed, scrolling through her social media. All the activity had her right leg feeling tired and sore after so many days of rest. She heard Hamdan call her name in the distance and sat up, resting her back against the pillows on the side of the bed that was closer to the door. His side.
He opened the door and closed it behind him. "What were you thinking? You could've hurt yourself!"
She hoped that maybe he would have been over it by then, but she was wrong.
"But I didn't, I'm fine!"
"Why would you do that?"
"Because I'm bored!" She crossed her legs and tossed the phone next to her. "I miss riding, I miss my friends, I miss the kids at RD... I miss my life!" She vented.
"So that's it," his hands went to his hips. "You want to leave," his tone accusatory.
"Who said anything about leaving? Even if I left, there's still a ton of things I can't do," she was confused, however, she decided to take the opportunity. "But now that you mention it... I think it's about time."
Hamdan's head dropped and the screen of her phone lit up with a notification. She was shocked when she looked at it. It was a message from Nate. She glanced up at Hamdan and his eyes were fixed on the screen. The message said "Hi." Only one word but that was enough.
"Great. This is just great," he said sarcastically, heading to the walk-in closet.
"Hamdan!"
He ignored her.
"Hamdan! Are you going to make me chase after you?"
After getting no response, she got up and followed him. When she got to the closet, his headscarf was on the floor and he was unbuttoning the kandura.
"Why are you being like this?" She asked.
"Why is he texting you?" He countered.
"I don't know! Who cares?"
He exasperatedly pushed the kandura down and kicked it to the side, leaving himself with white boxers and a undershirt.
"What's going to take Hamdan?" Sarah demanded. "Because you have surveillance on him, I'm living with you--"
"Not anymore," he clarified putting a pair of grey sweatpants on. "You said so yourself; you want to leave."
She struggled to wrap her mind around the words coming out of his mouth. "So now you're kicking me out?"
His head snapped up to look at her. "I would never do that, but if you want to leave I'm not going to stop you."
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah, I don't want you to stay here one more second if that's not what you want."
All that coldness was something she was not used to and coming from Hamdan it was particularly painful. She strolled up to him, desperately trying to meet his eyes, but he was staring into nothingness with pressed lips and heavy breathing.
"What's going on?" She mumbled as her fingers went up to reach his but he pulled his arm away and took a step back.
The move finished crushing her heart, she felt her eyes filling up with tears that she managed to stop right on time.
"You're being impossible tonight," she said with a half broken voice.
Grabbing a pair of pajama shorts, she walked out.
"Sarah."
She sat on the edge of the bed and started taking the splint off. "Forget it! Much to your dismay, I'm not leaving yet. Only going to bed."
"It's not—"
"I said forget it!" She raised her voice, standing up to remove her jeans. "I'll talk to you in the morning when you start being more reasonable."
Cuddling up with the covers between her hands, she let a few silent tears fall down on the pillow. After everything that happened, Hamdan was still bothered by Nate and she felt like a fool for letting herself in a situation that she knew was a mistake from the beginning. She should have never agreed to move in, but then again her judgement was not at its best since he came along. She had done nothing wrong and yet, Hamdan was mad at her for reasons she had yet to discover. Maybe, riding Princesa was not the greatest idea, but nothing bad happened and it did not justify his harsh attitude.
She was calm when Hamdan got the lights and went to bed next to her. She wanted to say something but she didn't know what and was scared of getting rejected again.
"I won't get any sleep if you're mad at me," Hamdan whispered.
The muscles on her back loosen up at the sound of his voice; serene and smooth as usual. She turned around and he was on his side, his eyes shining in the dark.
"Why are you so jealous of Nathan? What if he sends me a thousand texts? I don't care, I won't reply to any of them," she scooted closer and ran a hand through his hair, letting it rest on his neck. "I'm with you. I love you and it hurts when you get like that about him. It's as if you didn't trust me."
His hand found its way to her waist, underneath her t-shirt. "I do. I promise, I do. I was just frustrated about you leaving."
"Well, I have to. Someday."
"But I don't want you to."
"We'll just go back to how things were, what's so wrong with that?"
"I want more," his thumb stroking her skin.
Even in the dark she could see a different spark in his eyes. That was not a move in offer, like the American custom, she knew what Hamdan meant when he said more. She inhaled deeply, making an effort to soothe her trepid heart.
"I want this everyday." He rubbed his nose against hers. "I want to go to bed with you every night and wake up together every morning."
"I love this too, but it can't—"
"Please," he interjected, hiding his face on her neck and tightening his grip around her. "Give me some time. Don't leave just yet."
***
It takes courage to write something and then put it out there for others to read. To have people not only reading, but actually liking what you wrote, it's an indescribable feeling. That's why your votes and comments are so important to me.
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XOXO,
Sophie.