This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks
It's my life
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
It's my life
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just want to live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life
Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend,
don't break,
baby, don't back down
Bon Jovi- It's My LIfe
Chapter Thirty-Nine- Addison
That talk with Liam stuck with me. After he told me that we just laid down in the grass for a moment in silence. He was lost in his thoughts and I was wrapped up in mine too. I didn't know what to make of what he said.
I know that we were something more than friends, but i didn't know what that was exactly. Were we together? Was he mine to lose? Was I his? That right there was a whole set of complications for me.
I liked him, I liked him a lot. Maybe I even felt more than that but just wasn't ready to admit it. But my past relationships have been trial and error for which my parents picked out and every time they were assholes and I knew Liam wasn't like that but I had such negative association with relationships they freaked me out.
I've never been in one willingly before and it was just weird and new for me.
"Come on, let's jump." He stood up and broke the silence. I looked up and he had a hand stretched out for me. I took his hand like I always did because I trusted him and knew that he would always be there to offer it to me.
It was a lot different from the last time I jumped off here. Last time I was timid and scared and had pushed them off. It was one of my first times making contact with people and I was terrified inside as I jumped off the ledge.
"Ready?" he asked me and I nodded
"One, two" I counted and on three we both ran and jumped down into the lake below us. As we hit the water we dropped hands and kicked to the surface. The drop wasn't too high so we didn't go too far down.
"Kids, come on, it's dinner time." Auntie yelled and I splashed him once before swimming to shore. Swimming was another thing I did well; it didn't take multiple people to swim laps in a pool.
Through the rest of the day I smiled with my family and enjoyed being with them. We ate some burgers and played some more sports. When we tossed around a football and Liam had to show me how to throw it right, football was a sport I just wasn't good at.
Then we had a soccer rematch, which my team won again. It was fun going against Liam and with having no set rules really, Asher could pick up Kalila while she had the ball and steal it that was, it was a complete dirty move, but they made sure to return the gesture.
We cooled down in the lake once again, but we weren't as hyper as before, we just hung out in there and relaxed but the whole rest of the day, what he said was in the back of my mind. Why was I really going home? Was it because I was too scared not too, was I making excuses?
Even as we were having fun I couldn't shake his words.
That night, the adults took the little girls back home because they were pretty much passed out from running around so much. The four of us slept outside in tents and made a fire. We waited until the girls left to make s'mores because Auntie didn't want them all hyped up on sugar and hyper again.
As we sat around the fire I got lost in my thoughts again while they all talked amongst themselves.
This was my life. I didn't have much of a choice growing up about it; I didn't willingly let them control my life. I tried to stand up for myself and found out that going along with it was the best way to survive. If I would have told, I don't know if anyone would have believed me.
I'm nineteen now, and if I go back, It's like choosing to give them back the control over my life.
"Addie" Kalila brought me back to reality
"Yeah?" I asked oblivious to what they were just talking about.
"Do you want another one?" she asked holding up the bag of marshmallows
"Yeah, sure." She handed over the things I would need and I put it in the fire until it caught and I waited until it burned it black and the fire went out, to me, that was the best way to eat them; and the fastest.
"Did you have fun today?" Asher asked me
"I did. I don't think I've ever been so tired." I admitted and took a bite of my delicious treat.
"Me neither." Kalila yawned
"I think I'm sunburned." Asher complained
"Me too." I agreed.
"I can rub you down with aloe." Liam offered
"Maybe later." I nudged him
"As long as we don't have to hear you two," Kalila paused "Rubbing each other down." She winked at me and my face flushed.
I may not want to sleep with Liam, and I know that unless I marry him that will not happen, even if I wanted it to. But I'm still very much attracted to him and the thought of us in that position both intrigued and embarrassed me at the same time.
They knew that, and especially Kalila loved to take advantage of that.
"Oh stop Kalila, look at them." Asher looked over at us and chuckled to which I picked up another marshmallow and threw it at him
"Don't be mean, you two suck." I tossed one at Kalila too and they just laughed more.
"But it's so funny."
"No it's not." Liam and I said at the same time
"Awh, they even say the same words, aren't they just so cute Asher?" Kalila asked him
"Adorable." He sang out and I threw another one at her while Liam threw one at him.
"Shut up!" we both didn't help the situation by yelling at the same time, which caused another burst of laughter.
"You two really are cute though." Kalila said like five minutes later when they managed to calm back down and act like civilized individuals.
"I'm going to bed." I stood up and headed for the tent.
"Aw come on, don't be like that." Kalila called and I stuck my tongue out at her and continued on my way, I really was tired. I knew Liam was following
"Tired?" He asked and I nodded.
"I'll let you chance into something comfortable and be back in."
"Liam, you don't have to come in here because I am. I'm tired you can go and hang out longer."
"I don't know how much longer it's going to be, Kalila looks ready to pass out." He looked back at the fire and so did I. She looked exhausted
"Alright." I agreed and he left so I could change and then I went outside so he could.
"Hey, we're going to head to bed too." Asher said as Kalila leaned on him
"See you in the morning." I gave them both a hug and they went to their tent.
"Come here Addie." Liam said and I turned and he was holding Aloe, guess he wasn't kidding about that.
I went back into the tent and under the light that was in there he poured Aloe on his hands and rubbed it into my stomach, shoulders, back, legs, arms, face and neck and then handed it over so I could do the same for his back.
Good thing I've spent so much time outside or this really would have sucked, I would have been lobster red and in excruciating pain.
"It's not too bad." he told me
"Thank god." I mumbled.
"Just a little too much sun, thank god Lalan has been forcing sunscreen on us all day, huh?" he asked me and I groaned
"Don't tell her that, then she'll never let up, she'll just get worse!"
"It can be our secret." He lay down and pulled me to his chest.
"Thanks." I yawned and I didn't even have time to obsess about our talk earlier because in a few short minutes I was out.
It was rare for me to wake up first. Liam was always up, had let Keisha out, showered and dressed before it woke me up. Then he would go back and get Keisha for me to sleep another hour or two before I was up too.
So on one of the very rare days I was awake, I got to sit there and watch him. It was probably creepy and I would deny it if anyone asked me, but I loved watching how peaceful he looked.
He was lying on his back with his head turned slightly to the side with one arm up by his head and the other laying weirdly, like he still thought he was holding me.
My back was killing me from sleeping on the hard ground, but it was worth it.
I watched him for a while before I headed out of the tent, and like a total creeper I peeked it to see Kalila and Asher still passed out, I looked at them and back over at my tent and really thought about what I would be leaving behind.
I had nothing good to go back to and everything great here. Why should I have to leave that?
I thought back to my talk with Auntie, how she said I was always welcome, how she gave me the key. She loved me, they all did. I snuck away and headed up to the house to see Auntie already up.
"Good morning, Addison." She smiled at me as she cooked
"Did you really mean what you said?" I asked her and she turned to give me her whole attention, looking confused.
"I always do, but what do you mean specifically sweetheart?"
"When you said I was always welcome here."
"Of course Addison, baby you're family here, you're like a daughter to me. You are always welcome here, and you're room is always there." She wrapped me in a hug as I tried really hard not to cry.
I've never been referred to as a daughter before, sure everyone is someone's child biologically but I wasn't anyone's daughter emotionally, not until now.
"I love you."
"I love you too, baby." She said back and I squeezed her one last time before I pulled back
"I need a shower" I wiped my eyes and she nodded so I turned and headed upstairs
"Breakfast is in about a half hour!" she yelled after me
"I'll be down." I yelled back and went to my room, but instead of heading to the shower I went to my desk and opened my computer and opened my e-mail.
Lisa And Lucas,
I'm writing to inform you that I have gotten all the flight information, but I will not be on it. being down here showed me that there is absolutely nothing left for me back there and you may have made me and are biologically my parents but that's all. You are nothing to me anymore. I don't want your money and I don't want anything from back there. All I want is for you guys to leave me alone and live as if you didn't have a daughter, which shouldn't be too hard for you guys. I'm staying down here with my real family. I'm not a child anymore, I'm legally an adult and you guys have no say in what I do or where I live. Don't call and don't write, just leave me alone. If I never hear from you again, I will be fine with that.
Goodbye,
Addison.
There wasn't a chance I hell that they wouldn't call or message me back telling me that I better get my ass on that plane, but it was worth a try to tell them not to.
I hit send and closed my laptop to take a quick shower before throwing on another pair of shorts and I opted for a t-shirt this time before I headed downstairs to see everyone all there already.
In that short time already I didn't regret my decision, I was just wondering when they were going to call and scream at me, but I could handle that. At least I would know they got my e-mail.
"Good morning." I said cheerfully. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest and I felt free.
"Morning." They all said back
"I need to say something." I said nervously. I just made a decision and messaged them without fully talking about it with Auntie first, what if she just said that because I was leaving, and I would have to go back?
"Is everything okay?" Auntie asked
"I hope so." I told her and she looked at me curiously
"What's wrong?" she asked
"I sent them a message already, I'm staying here." I said shyly and there was silence, complete and total silence.
"Are you serious?" Liam asked and I nodded and then there was more silence and I was beginning to wonder if I made the right choice.
"Thank god!" Kalila said and came to give me a hug and everyone else followed after that saying how happy they were that I was staying. Liam hung back waiting until I was finished with everyone else before he gave me a huge hug and kissed me.
Yeah, I made the right choice.