I stared over Dorian’s shoulder at the tallish girl in the door way, she was taller than me but she had the air of someone who was eternally young and not in a hippy way, but a child like way, always looking up at the world instead of down; it was something that endeared me to her.
Her hair was a very pale brown, probably strawberry blonde in the outside light, she was slim and very timid but I had the feeling it was only because of Dorian, I have no doubt that this girl could take care of herself if need be.
I felt a tingle at my back and realised that Dorian had reached one hand behind him and had slid my dress back up my top half and was just finishing with the zip. I would’ve been embarrassed except for the fact that I just couldn’t get over the tension in this room, it was insane.
Despite our bond I couldn’t make sense of Dorian’s emotions, they were a mess, a flood, vast and deep and constantly changing pull. In the end I just shuffled forward without taking my concerned stare off of him and wrapped my arms around his chest from my spot behind him, resting my cheek on his shoulder.
A feral growl resounded from my mate and it scared me for the first time ever, I’d never heard him like this before. The girl on the other hand didn’t seem phased, just disappointed. I looked at her again and couldn’t help sending her a small apologetic smile when her eyes met mine. She seemed surprised and slightly confused but smiled back anyway which made Dorian snap again, it seemed just her having eye contact with me infuriated him.
“Leave now” he barked.
“Please Dorian, it’s been two hundred years! Please talk to me”. She pleaded.
“Leave”.
“I’m your sister does that count for nothing”?
“It didn’t to you the night you did this to me”.
“Dorian! You were dying, what was I supposed to do”?
“Let me die like any decent person would have”. I understood then who this was, Dorian’s sister. It didn’t stop the sting however, he still wished he’d died even now, after everything. I know I can’t blame him, I can’t begin to imagine what he’s been through, but it still hurts because by doing that he’s wishing us away too.
From watching the situation unfold I was ninety percent sure that this girl wouldn’t hurt me so I let go of Dorian and drew back from him to get around him and off the bed but he just pulled me back behind him again, snaking one arm behind him and around my back so I couldn’t try to do that again.
“Relax Dorian, I don’t want your snack”.
Is she trying to piss him off? I let my head hit his shoulder as anyone else would let their head hit a wall or a table in submission to the onslaught that was about to ensue and then as I predicted heard the mother of all snarls rip up his throat at the poor girl. If there is one thing Dorian hates it’s people telling him that he’s going to hurt me or eat me, I remember him almost strangling Alec to death in the kitchen one time.
“Calm down, what is wrong with you”? The girl asked shocked.
He was starting to shake with his rage so I did the only thing I could think of that would calm him, that he always does for himself. I reached a hand out in front of me and used it turn his face into my neck so that he could push his nose into the crook, which he did. I smiled when I felt him relax into me and so I used my other hand to brush through his hair in a gentle rhythm to soothe him more.
“Oh, oh my God”, it was a soft utter, the smallest sound but I could tell it had riled Dorian again, more than anything else had, I just couldn’t figure out why. “You found your mate”. She smiled but something else broke in her then too. She switched her eyes to me and smiled small, but warm. “Hi, my name is Virginia, I’m Dorian’s sister”. I put up my hand and waved a little, making her smile until Dorian took my hand back and held it to his chest so I couldn’t do it anymore, it was like he thought she was going to hurt me.
“My name is Emma”. I murmured gently, it upset Dorian that I was talking to her but I couldn’t not for lots of reasons like, he’s being an ass, she’s adorable, she gave me the love of my life and he’s being an ass.
Virginia smiled gratefully at me, it’s such a mouthful – Virginia hmm.
“Mind if I call you Gini”? I asked her, her grin widened until it turned kind of toothy in a little kid kind of way, while she nodded enthusiastically.
“I’d like that”.
It was all too much for Dorian, he shot up from the bed in an instant with me clinging helplessly to his back and darted past Gini, the minute his back was to her he swung me around to his front and started down the stairs. Using her abilities Gini beat us to the door resulting in Dorian swinging me back on to his back again.
“Handsome, you’re making me dizzy”, I murmured a little nauseously. Dorian ignored me and ran at Gini full speed leaving me no option but to scrunch eyes shut tight.
When I heard the engine of the car my eyes snapped open in shock, I found myself in my seat all belted up and Dorian driving like his life depended on it, tearing back down the quiet country lanes. I took a minute to get my composure back after everything that had happened.
I can’t believe how weird that was, getting caught by Dorian’s sister of all people when we were about to, you know, God. I’m so embarrassed but I think I’m more worried, Dorian’s emotions are still everywhere I just couldn’t pin them and like he heard my exact thought he focused in on one feeling in particular while flicking his eyes to me, betrayal.
When we finally made it back home it was dark and I’d used all my strength to not break down in front of Dorian. I didn’t mean to upset him I just, I didn’t know what else to do, she was nice and so small somehow, she needed one person in there to be on her side – not that I was taking sides, I was just being friendly you know.
When we got out of the car I unlocked the front door with my keys and nearly fell to my knees in anguish when Dorian pushed past me and took to the stairs, snapping his bedroom door closed behind him.
I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, smoothing my dress down and going to sit on the couch and curled into a ball. I just can’t believe it, we were so much closer and open with each other than we’ve ever been before and now he’s mad at me, he feels like I betrayed him. I was going to, I wanted to, we going to, I just don’t understand. I don’t think I want to understand how we could let something through us like that, I thought we were stronger.
Hurried footsteps were coming from down the stairs but I knew they weren’t Dorian’s so I just stayed in my pathetic little ball until Alec put himself in front of me with an accusing stare.
“You didn’t go to school again did you”?
“Not now Alec, please” I whispered. He huffed and made to turn around but I reached out and caught his belt with my finger. “Don’t go”.
He crouched down in front of me with his eyebrows squashed together looking confused. “What’s wrong”? My lips trembled and tears bled out of my eyes, and like they were his cue he picked me up put me on his lap, pushing my head down on his chest.
“Tell me what’s up Em”.
“Am I not allowed to hug my brother”?
“No, not for free anyway” he joked. “Wait a minute, this isn’t Dorian’s doing is it”? I didn’t respond quickly enough for Alec and so he tried to shoot up and after my mate but I pulled him back down and wrapped my arms around his waist, feeling the happiest I’ve felt for three hours just because I can actually hold onto someone, to keep them where I need them.
“Stay with me”.
“Always Em, you know that, you want to tell me what happened”?
I told Alec all about Dorian taking me to where he grew up, skipping over the part where we almost had sex, I told him about meeting Dorian’s sister; surprisingly Alec didn’t know Dorian even had a sister, I told him how Dorian feels about her and how I’d tried to talk to Gini and lastly about our sharp exit and loaded silence for the two hour car journey back home.
“It’s not your fault Emma”. He told me plainly.
“Isn’t it? I knew how he felt about her, but how he described her was a completely different picture to how she is Alec. I felt so bad for her, she reminded me of you.
“Uh, thanks”?
“Not like that but, the look in her eyes when she tried to explain to him why she had to change him, because he would’ve died and she’d have lost him forever, you had that look in your eyes when you asked me not to be with Dorian and I reached out to that, I couldn’t help it”.
“That’s not your fault Emma, what’s going on between them is their business, it’s not fair of him to drag you into that”.
“But I’m his mate, I’m supposed to understand, to feel the same, I do it for Jeremy for crying out loud”.
“That’s different Emma, the circumstances are polar opposites. Don’t forget that Dorian is over two hundred years old Emma, he should know by now how to keep his shit in order and you’d think he’d listen to you too, for however much you’re battling yourself for not understanding him, he should be doing the same but I don’t see him down here trying to work things out do you”?
“He shouldn’t have to”.
Alec shook his head at me. “If I ever find a girl who is as loyal to me as you are to that Vampire I’ll never let her go. Don’t beat yourself up about this Emma”.
“That’s easy for you to say”.
“Damn right it is because I’m right and you’re my sister who is willing to give your natural life to keep that miserable asshole happy, he should be on his knees”.
“So should I”.
“No Emma! You shouldn’t... you know what you need? A vacation”.
“I’ve just come back from Boston Alec”.
“That doesn’t count, what I should have said is you need time away from Dorian, you need a breather”.
“I couldn’t”.
“Why not”?
“School, work, him, I can’t just leave Alec”.
“Sure you can, it can be your put that in your pipe and smoke it moment you know”?
I laughed. “Where would I go”?
“Wherever you want... why don’t you go stay with Uncle John”?
“That sounds great but, Alec he lives four hours away”.
“So, I’ll take you and I’ll come get you”.
“You don’t have a car”.
“Me and Jeremy will take you then”.
“Dad will not like this”.
“Screw Dad, it’s time you did something for yourself”.
“Will you come too”?
“I’d love to but I really am actually in the process of writing a real dissertation”.
“Oh my God! Of course, how’s it going”?
“Slow, but I’ll get there”.
“I’m still not sure it’s a good idea Alec”.
“Well I am, you need to get out of here, breathe some new air, think about normal things”.
“I’ll think about it”.
Alec sighed in exasperation but pulled me close anyway and turned the TV on.
The next day I woke in agony, I felt Dorian’s hurt and anger until around three o’clock when all of a sudden it just shut off into apathy, he didn’t care anymore, about anything. I got up and knowing that Mom and Dad had gone to work already I slid into his room to find laying on his side on the bed with his back to the door.
The need to be near him was too much for me so I sidled over to his side and knelt by the bed, not sure of whether he’d want me that close.
“Morning handsome” I whispered almost too quiet for my own ears to pick up but I knew he heard me clearly. I wanted so much to touch him, to hold him but I was so frightened that he’d push me away.
Not being able to take quivering in nerves and guilt anymore I threw caution to the wind and placed a hand on his shoulder and, nothing. He didn’t push me away but he didn’t lean into it like he normally would have.
“I’m so sorry Dorian, I just, I don’t know, please talk to me”.
Silence was all I got and it broke me my heart slowly and painfully, but there was nothing else I could do, maybe he’ll be ok later, maybe he just needs time to process everything that happened yesterday.
“Well, I have to go get ready for school, I love you”. I don’t know what I thought was going to happen, that just because I told him I loved him that he’d at least return the words, but he didn’t he just satyed as still as a statue never having moved in the first place. The only thing I could rest on was that he didn’t say that didn’t love me and that would have to be enough.
Alec must have called Jeremy or something because when I got outside to start walking there was Jeremy in his beat up little dark blue Honda, waving at me to get into his car. I shook my head but felt a little better knowing I had him. I quickly got into the car and belted up feeling his suspicious eyes on me.
“What”? I asked, turning to him.
“What did the jerk do”? I sighed in defeat, I don’t have the strength for any arguing, so once again minus the almost having sex part and the fact Dorian and his sister are two hundred years old I did my best to reconstruct the story for my best friend.
“I don’t care what issues he’s got he shouldn’t be treating you like this Emma. When Alec called me last night I didn’t believe him, because I’ve seen you together and now, seeing you like this, you look like hell”.
“I feel like it too”
“I think you should do what Alec said and get away for a while, and I’ll take you and come get you I swear I don’t mind, and then when you get back we can go ice skating cos the rink is always open this close to Christmas, and then we can go build a ginger bread house at my place with Zoe and make coco” he said in a rush.
I smiled. “That sounds great Jeremy, but I told Alec that I’d think about it first”.
“Well whatever, I still think it’s a good idea and I bet your Uncle John would love to see you”.
“I know, I just, I’ll think about it ok”?
“Alright, well let’s get going”.
Not even the tedium that is school could keep my time slowed enough to stay out of the house and feel refreshed, I was kind of hoping that just being here would give me the change of scenery I need but I was wrong, I still thought about Dorian.
I couldn’t feel any change from his apathetic state, I longed for the days when he’d bowl me over with all his yearning that he’d send me through the bond, for those days when he’d be there when I got out school to take me home, when as soon as we made it inside we’d kiss and touch and just stare into each others eyes feeling everything we needed to know.
After Jeremy had brought me home from school I went straight up stairs to Dorian’s room where I left him, to find him exactly the same, still laying down and facing the wall. I walked over to him and sat down next to his bed and just started to talk. I knew he wouldn’t answer me but he seemed to be in some sort of self induced coma, I’m sure he can hear me just like people in real comas can sometimes hear what’s going on around them, so I told him about my day.
“I’m sorry if it’s boring, I don’t know how you feel about school, maybe we can talk about that sometime”. I sighed out and ran a hand through my hair. “I missed you today, I hope you’re ok, that sounds lame, I guess I just, I want to know that you’re ok, you don’t look ok... I was thinking about going away for a few days, to maybe go see my Uncle – but I won’t go if you don’t want me to I promise... do you want me to stay”?
I waited in silence for twenty seconds just in case, nut when he didn’t say anything I got up off of the floor and stretched my legs out a little, more disheartened than ever maybe getting out of here for a while would be good for me, for us, we do spend a lot of time together.
“I love you Dorian”. I whispered before I leant down and placed a soft kiss on his head and left my room to go and find my brother.
Alec was in the study on his laptop, books strewn around him and junk food wrappers covering the floor, he looked exhausted but still smiled at me when I came in.
“You alright sis”?
“Yeah, Alec could you call Uncles John, I’m going to go spend a few days with him”.
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