From outside, JB's house looked completely dead. The lights from the living room and the first floor were off; everyone slept at this late hour. When he quietly entered inside, he perceived a gleam coming from the kitchen. He then heard hushed voices; surely his mom and aunt having a heated conversation.
"At this hour?" Discouraged, he frowned while shaking his head. He threw his shoes in the shoe storage and put on white slippers.
The talk turned slowly into a bickering as their voices raised to normal mode.
"Tomorrow? Ha!" Sora mocked. She adopted a firm tone. "Never!"
"You don't get to choose," Sooyoung replied. "Anyway, I already told you I was going to tell them. Tomorrow, JB, Youngjae, and I are going out together and then I'll tell them before coming back home."
"This is," Sora tried to laugh it out, hiding her distress. "Ridiculous! Totally ridiculous!" This is too soon, Sooyoung-ah!"
"This is not too soon, it's already way too late, Sora. They're young adults now. They have the right to know."
JB stopped his steps as he cocked a brow. He mumbled something to himself and stayed behind the wall that separated the living room and the kitchen.
"It will destroy them completely..." Sora finally sighed.
"Well, I think it will make them stronger. JB already acts as a big brother to Youngjae, and Youngjae missed him a lot. I can already see how my little one is happier and has grown up in only few weeks. When Youngjae will know that JB is his real brother, I-"
"What?" JB appeared with a shocked face in the kitchen entrance.
The glass of water in Sooyoung's hand trembled as she saw JB. Sora just froze on the spot with wide eyes. She cleared her voice...
"Jaebeom-ah, you're back? How was the concert?" She walked closer to him, however, JB remained of stone.
He glanced back at Sooyoung whose eyes became round of fear. A hand on her chest, she tried to relax but it wasn't that easy.
"We're brothers?" he asked.
Sooyoung whole body now shivered, even more, her eyes turning wet of first tears to flow down her cheeks. As she remained silent, JB passed by Sora and went to Sooyoung, stopping few centimeters in front of her. He grabbed her glass and put it on the counter to avoid any minor breaking disaster at past midnight. When he eyed her once more, a tear finally left her eyes. His question, somehow, been answered. He drew back.
"I'm your mother, Jaebeom-ah," Sooyoung confessed.
JB took two steps behind wanting to avoid what he heard just now.
"Are you making a joke because mom and I aren't in good terms? This ain't funny," he stammered a little bit.
Sooyoung shook her head as she responded with a hushed "no."
When JB turned around to Sora, she avoided to make contact with his eyes, already wiping some tears that felt. It was rare to her in this state so he concluded that it was true. His eyes became humid, feeling hurt, rejected, not loved. When he turned back to Sooyoung, she brought her hands to her chest, taking a deep breath.
"I'm sorry you have to hear about it that way." She extended her arm to reach him but he stepped back again. "I was young when I got pregnant and Sora took you away from me."
"Look at you!" Sora rushed to her sister. "You better watch your words, Choi Sooyoung! 'Took him away from you?' You only want to make me look like a bad witch in front of him since the start! That's what you wanted, uh?!" She shrilled.
"What? Isn't it the truth? You said I was so immature, irresponsible to take care of him. Ever since the day mom died, you tried to act like her but you made my life a nightmare! 'A baby can't take care of a baby' you would say," Sooyoung riposted.
"I just cared for that kid of yours because his mom couldn't handle herself."
"Yeah right, sterile mom, by stealing it from me?" Sooyoung stepped forward to her face. "You forget I wasn't alone. Hoyoung was with me."
"Hoyoung?" Sora raised her eyebrows. "He let you down when you needed him the most."
"Ya! You don't know everything about us. Don't talk about his father in front of him." Sooyoung glanced behind. "Jaebeom-ah?" She blinked when she realized he was gone. And, since a while ago.
Already upstairs, JB lasted long to arrive in front of his room. When he pushed the door, darkness enveloped him and Youngjae soft snoring sound could be heard as he slept on the bed. JB stood still for a moment, each of his hands forming a fist. A huge lump in the throat, he clenched his teeth together trying to hold his tears from falling but it was too late when his head would only look down at the floor, fairly sadden.
He walked up to the bed. The white quilt covered Youngjae's entire body, only his face showed to the faint light that the moon pushed through the window. His tangled hair caressed the pillow under his face and sleep marks were already all over his cheek and left arm. It must have been a while since he slept. The usual view of Youngjae sleeping. But, tonight, he became JB's weakness.
JB quietly sobbed while watching the adorable human being under the drapes. Not the little cousin, but the little brother. His brother. He always wanted one and naturally cherished Youngjae as his but now that it was the reality of one of his many wishes, he just didn't know how to swallow it.
His real mom and his fake mom were still arguing. Hwanhee finally woke up from his reverie because of their uproar downstairs and ordered to stop as he separated them. After a glass shattered on the floor, JB heard a total silence. Everything ended. The remaining perceptible movements were only the sound of different pairs of feet parting away, sniffing, sad whispers, and doors shutting loud behind them.
JB wiped off his tears and delicately slid on the bed, ending up in a kneeling position. He watched Youngjae in his sleep.
"Youngjae-ah," he whispered under a shaky breath. "Nae dongsaeng-ah (My little brother)." The lump grew bigger and it was as if he couldn't breathe anymore. The muscles of his face slowly twitched making them more outstanding with a final result as a hard crisping expression filled with emotion. His lips parted away letting out a long fainted squeal sound, and next thing you knew, the waited yet deserved weep.
His fists pressed the hard skin of his thighs in anger, head bent down to his shoulders. Eyes closed hard, he quietly poured his heart out of all the emotions that ate him away.
At dawn the next morning, Sooyoung wandered in the kitchen making herself a dark cup of coffee. After the light sleep she got that night she absolutely needed it. The aroma of the hot drink already made her heart jubilate; rich and strong, just perfect for her taste. She drew the curtains from the living room and sat on the couch across to watch the view outside. Windy atmosphere, gray skyline, and empty trees, only her coffee gave her comfort however she loafed there with no intention to move.
One hour later, little cracking sounds came from the stairs announcing someone walked down. Her eyes caught a hooded figure and she recognized him. When he turned the corner of the staircase, he hesitated a moment. From the corner of his eye, he saw Sooyoung on the couch but continued his way to the kitchen. He went to serve himself a glass of water and passed by the living room again, ignoring her.
"Jaebeom-ah?" Sooyoung called softly when he only put his left foot on the first step of the staircase. "Please, let's talk."
JB lifted his head up trying to consider it. He turned around and headed to the living room and as he got closer, Sooyoung became concerned. Dark halos encircled his red eyes which were filled with exhaustion and a something else she couldn't quite figure out. His face remained of stone, expressionless. He didn't sleep well. She thought he would ignore her and go back to sleep but instead he quietly sat down on the sofa on her left side. He put down his glass on the coffee table and stared at the void.
Sooyoung turned her body toward him. "I'm relieved you're still here. I thought you left the house last night," she said.
JB let out a deep breath. He wouldn't even look at her but glanced sideways. It troubled her to see him like this. She hurt her son.
"I have apologies to make," she added.
JB glared at her. "How can a mother abandon her child?"
"It was... complicated."
"What was so complicated? You do have Youngjae with you, though," he remarked.
"You're right. I should have fight more and I'm sorry," she cried while turning her face from him.
JB didn't want to watch her cry but somehow his eyes were glued on her. The view of her back breathing irregularly at each emotional breath making her fine arms shaking from the lack of strength remained in her body. Her teardrops rolling down her nose and then falling, dampening the fabric of the couch. The woman he had known as his aunt all his life, the happy virus, broke totally in front of him.
There was a kleenex box on the night table next to the sofa. He pulled out some tissues and went to sat next to her. When he was about to wipe her face, she flinched.
"I don't deserve your help," she said, "but I'll take the tissues if you don't mind. Thank you." Typical response of the Sooyoung he knew. She blew out her nose, making loud elephant noise echoing in the house. When she calmed down a little, she slowly glanced back and saw JB still sitting next to her. She moved away.
"Who's the father?" he asked.
Sooyoung arranged her robe. She installed herself comfortably putting a cushion her lap, pressed against her.
"I will all tell you what you need to know when we'll go out later today."
JB stood up and left the living room. Sooyoung watched him headed toward the staircase. When he glanced back at her, she turned around. "You should go rest too," he told her and walked up the stairs.
~
9:30 a.m. Melanie headed to the locker room to grab her snack for the break. The cafeteria filled up with two to three other people, buying coffee or a bag of chips to eat before going back to work upstairs. Melanie sat at an empty table in front of a huge window watching the still-green lawn with the walking path where seniors used to walk on during the beginning of spring, and summer season. Now, they preferred to remain in their warm rooms. Only the independent residents would go out and smoke a cigarette while chatting with their pairs.
For the past five minutes, Melanie was lost in her thoughts, watching outside and then having a glimpse at her photos on her cell phone, and this back and forward. She had nothing else to do. Pictures of Mark, Mark and her, the guys until the latest one showed up. The one back in September when JB and her hanged out, the only two of them. She remembered JB having his professional camera around his neck and taking pictures of her every now and then.
What have you done with the pictures? she thought.
She remembered when JB hurt his hand from punching a jerk in the park. When they rode the pedal boat on the river. When JB gave her a smooch on the cheek. When she turned around and he was about to kiss her.
"Oh my god... Why am I even thinking about this..." she whispered while scratching her hair annoyingly while slowly resting her head on the table, discouraged.
'I have a crush on you. I like you.' he confessed to her.
Then, Mark appeared in her mind, pushing JB away. When they went to that Italian restaurant one day. After that, they bought ice cream and walked together in the park. Melanie stole Mark's cane, wise, and ran away from him. Mark pranked her, bumping into a tree and hurting himself. Melanie hurried to him but go sensitive when he chuckled and told her it was a joke. He became serious and stroked her hand while the quietude of nature enveloped them.
'Do you like me?' he said. '... because I like you.'
Melanie shook her head left to right while sighing. She tried to forget about this.
"Oh!" she gasped as soon she lifted her head from the table. Mary, her favorite co-worker, sat in the seat across the table watching her curiously.
"You seem to have a daymare, dear."
"A what?"
"It's like a nightmare experienced during day time."
Melanie exhaled. "Maybe..."
Mary moved forward. "Is it because of JB? Or Mark?"
Mary was mostly the only person who knew about Melanie's heart troubles. For her, Mary was like a mother and a friend and couldn't hide anything from her. Almost. The kind of person you could say anything to without being judged.
Melanie nodded while grimacing.
"What is it this time?" Mary asked before sipping on her French vanilla coffee.
Melanie looked at the void, lost. "I'm not sure but I think I'm reconsidering my choice."
"You think about giving up on Mark?" Mary said carefully.
"It's not that clear in my mind. Why is it so difficult? Why do I have to like them both? Why can't I make a choice? I'm going crazy!" Melanie looked at Mary with a desperate face, waiting for her help, her words of wisdom.
"Hm," Mary did while moving her mouth sideways, contemplating. She patted Melanie's hand. "First of all, why are you backing away from Mark? That, I have my idea of it. You opened up to him a lot when, before, you used to be careful about it, and having walls protecting you from anything. Afraid someone would hurt you deep down inside. Then, he betrayed you. Your core got wounded because you opened your heart to someone you thought wouldn't hurt you. Mark apologized sincerely and you two are now trying to get back together, however, you have built a new wall because you have lost all trust. Because of this wall, you're stepping backward and reconsidering. Maybe thinking about going to someone else who won't hurt you. Maybe JB. For sure you have a deep chemistry with both of them, I can see that when you talk about them."
Melanie's eyes fell on the table as Mary perfectly described her inner feelings. It almost shocked her to hear her own feelings being spot on.
Mary grabbed both of her hands. "I'll be honest with you." Melanie now stared back at her. "This is exactly why young people like you keep going from relationship to another. You run away when the situation isn't perfect. Fairytales don't exist, darling. Love is complex; you don't find it, you build it. It's accepting all the complexities and the simplicities. People seem to forget that couples have their hard times too. Oh, believe me, you will fight and yelled at each other. You'll have arguments. No one is perfect. Mark hurt you, but what about you? I'm sure you've hurt him too, in some ways. Mark admitted his mistakes and apologized. He will still make mistakes because, in the end, he's just a human being, darling. Or, you can go with JB but you'll have your own problems too."
A tear rolled down her cheek when she closed her eyes for a second. She wiped it away with a finger. "You're right," Melanie replied faintly.
Mary squeezed her hands. "Why did you choose Mark? I'm sure you'll find countless of things and you'll find yourself smiling like an idiot when they'll pass through your mind, one after another. That's what you should think about; all the sweet moments spent together. His beautiful qualities that made you want to be with him. But, if you keep asking yourself who to choose, you know what's left to do."
Melanie raised her eyebrows, curiously.
Mary shrugged discouraged for her friend and sighed heavily as if it couldn't be helped. "If you can't choose Mark, and if you can't choose JB, then... let them go."