Camila's POV
"It won't change a bit of a thing if you just keep yourself in this room and pretend to call in sick. You have to go to school and face Lauren or you'll just decay here." Dinah says in a tone mixed with annoyance. It has been three days. Three whole days that I haven't gone to school and practically asked Dinah to come by our dorm from time to time to check up on me and tell me all about the homework and requirements that I've missed. At first she was hesitant about it but then she completely agreed when I begged her and promised to treat her some lunch or something in return for her help. "Our teachers are worried about you, I don't think I can go to heaven after all these lies I told them about your condition. But whatever, whatever the hell you want to do in your life. I'm just telling you that you can't keep yourself here and not face Lauren forever." She adds.
It's not that I am physically sick. Mentally and emotionally can be, it's honestly just tiring to think of the happenings throughout the past week. It actually never left my mind. Lauren, I love you. It has kept on echoing in my head and giving me chills every time I remember it. Not that those words weren't true because they are. The thing about Lauren is that even if she doesn't exert effort and do such sweet and memorable things, she makes you feel something. If that isn't partly what love consists of then I don't know what love can fully be.
I sigh and take off the blanket that's been covering my face for three days. "I know that what you are saying is true but really I don't care anymore. I just confessed my feelings for her-."
"You what?!" Dinah exclaims; eyes piercing into mine like she hasn't looked at me for years. I was about to cover my face with a blanket again to hide my embarrassment when she stopped me. "Mila you fucking tell me now or I swear I'll never help you again."
"ItoldherIloveher." She sends her infamous death glare at me. "Okay I told her I love her. I told her Lauren, I love you. I basically humiliated myself in front of her and she doesn't even feel the same." I reveal the truth I've been keeping to myself. "It's why you saw me that day curled into a ball and wearing puffy eyes."
Dinah seems to recall the moment; analyzing and putting all the pieces of the puzzle altogether. It comes out a shocker because she knows me. She knows that I'm not the typical girl who confesses her feelings to someone. I've never even loved someone before let alone liked someone and confessing my strong feelings for Lauren certainly is a big deal.
I already expected Dinah to get mad at me and to be pissed because it honestly feels like she's been missing a lot about my life which doesn't happen normally. But she laughs and she laughs like there's nothing wrong. "You love someone oh my God! You love Lauren! Damn it I've seen it coming but hearing it from you makes it sound more ridiculous." God, this doesn't even make things better. She stops from laughing and coughs a bit. That's karma coming around. "Okay I'm done. I think I'm done." She laughs some more and I threw her a pillow straight to smack her face. "I'm sorry but c'mon you don't expect me to just sink all this information in me without laughing about it, okay?"
"You're right but to inform you I'm actually serious right now." I inform her nonchalantly. She fixes her gaze on me motioning for me to go on with how I fell in love with the green-eyed girl. "I already told you the good bits right? You know the mature content of the story?" I can feel that she wants to laugh again but stops herself immensely. "I thought it's just that, you know me being sexually frustrated and she meeting my satisfaction in my desires. I never really expected for something more, that she would mean more to me, just like any other story goes... it kind of happened." I clear my throat in pause. "Austin and I had the talk. When he came into our dorm, remember? He found my phone and he got curious and checked my phone. You know phones used to be all private and for yourself. Don't get me wrong, I didn't hate him for what he did. It actually gave me some kind of relief. That he already knew and that he didn't change his treatment to me and that we are still friends."
Dinah lets out an exasperated sigh. "I knew it oh my fucking God I knew it I fucking really knew it! But honestly I still feel bad and sorry for that poor dorito boy." She interrupts.
"Don't make it sound so much worse than it already is, please." I plead. "I had to. I wasn't ready and I don't think I already am. It's just all new to me okay? I don't even know how to face Lauren especially when she told me I'm nothing but a bitch to her-."
"-Bitch? You are nothing but a bitch to her? What the fuck?! I'm gonna kick her ass for a minute wait here..." She's about to stand up from her seat when I stopped her. "What Mila? You told her you love her and she told you that you're just a bitch to her? Well I'm your best friend and I can't allow that."
I weakly smile. "Well there's more to the story. S-she thought I had a bet with someone that involves playing with her feelings." She shoots me a puzzled look. "You met Shannon right? She's actually an online friend. I met her when I opened my twitter fan account and we became friends and got along. I told her everything that's happened in my life which involves Lauren and before you say it... I know okay. I know you're my best friend believe me I feel awful right now for not telling you first.... It's just... it's like you're always with Lauren and I had to avoid her so I avoided you too."
Dinah stays silent for some time when she clears her throat and nods unconsciously like her mind is travelling somewhere else. "Okay. Wait. I have two questions. First question is; when are you planning to stop what you've been doing with Austin? You know you hurt him throughout the process right?" I thought about it. I thought about having a break- up but I didn't want to put the blame on him although he said it is okay. He said that if we get to break up, he should be the one who made the terrible mistake like he is the one who cheated or some sort. I completely disagreed with that because he helped me a lot.
He did help me get rid of my feelings; the only thing is that what happened is the total opposite.
"Second is; do you love Lauren or are you in love with her?" It's not an easy question and in all honesty it hasn't crossed my mind. All I know is that I love Lauren and I was able to say it out loud and tell her personally. I also know that there's a huge difference between the two and it's always for me to find out. "There's a massive difference. You can say you love them today and ignore them tomorrow. That's not what being in love is. Being in love is being with that person you love all the time because you can't last a day without seeing them, without being able to touch and to feel them. You can't help who you'll love but it's your choice to be in love and stay in love." Dinah being the lowkey poetic she is, with her words of wisdom and magic words about love. I totally agree. In the end, my choice matters and it always will be.
I think about the answers to her questions and all of a sudden a soft and rushed knocks from the door are heard by the both of us. I quickly take off the blanket fully off my body and Dinah stops me.
"I'll get it. Remember you are sick right? I don't want to get in trouble too." Her best friend quickly stands up and checks who is waiting outside and disturbing my moment of speech. I rest my head on my pillow again, staring at the ceiling like there was really no ceiling and there was only a sky full of stars. Just look at the stars, talk to them and you'll feel okay again. It will all go away and you'll feel better. I almost closed my eyes when I heard Dinah converses with the other person from the door like they're arguing.
"No she's sleeping...." I try to listen to the argument some more. "I said she's sleeping and you can't see her. She's not feeling well.... You should go." Dinah's voice becoming louder and I can't help but feel curious enough to know who she's arguing with. "Damn it I said go Lauren she doesn't want to talk now!" There's only one word in that sentence I completely and absolutely heard. Lauren.
The sound of creak of the door closing stops when I hear Lauren's voice much clearer by now. "Please Dinah. Please just please let me talk to her I swear I'm not going to hurt her. I just wanted to talk. 5 minutes. Give me 5 minutes to talk to her and it will be enough. Please just help me with this one. I promise I won't do anything to hurt her. I just want to see her and be able to talk to her. P-please..."
She wanted to see me and she wanted to talk to me.
I wanted to stand up and face her. I wanted to be the one to initiate the first move and to talk things through but I'm not like anyone especially not like her. She's always been this strong and straightforward girl and she has things under her control. It's like she's aware of her surroundings and she knows how to handle things and sometimes she doesn't even realize she already has someone falling for her. I'm not like that I always panic and run away.
I wanted to close my eyes but Dinah already has her behind her back in front of me, patiently waiting for me to speak up. "Dinah, I'll... t-talk to you later." Dinah simply nods and turns her gaze on Lauren whose hands are quite trembling and standing still from her place.
"Lauren, I trust you." Dinah says sternly aimed at Lauren and Lauren weakly nods her head in agreement and quickly meets my gaze. "Just text me Mila when it's all done, ayt? I'll go now." She's about to leave when she remembers something. "Oh and I'll take Cheechee with me too." She says and takes the cute Yorkshire puppy.
When Dinah flew from the scene and carefully closed the door, Lauren reluctantly shifted from her place to my bed, sitting too far ahead for me to feel her. But her presence is strong enough that even if she's miles away, I can still entirely feel it.
I remain to be consumed by complete silence. I stare at the ceiling once again and pretend that it's a night sky because stars in the night sky make me feel better. It's more of a childhood routine that quickly became a natural habit. I remember sharing it with Lauren and surprisingly she likes the stars, how they light up for you.
Lauren's voice is little and weak. "Remember when we shared the stars in the night sky? It was one of the most amazing nights I ever had. I watched you while you watch the stars and listening to your words kept my heart beating rapidly. Maybe if only I was as strong as I've always seemed to be, we never would have hurt each other." I keep my eyes shut as I listen to her while my heart beats the same way she described her heart's beating. "I'm s-sorry. I'm so sorry... It was never my intention to hurt you. I didn't mean the words that left my mouth because I was mad and really angry. I was furious that I attacked you with such hurtful words... and I'm really sorry for that." She held my palm and squeezed it within her grasp. "I know I'm stupid and you can return back all the hurtful words that I said... I will accept everything if that's what it takes for you to forgive me." Little does she know that I do love her and in love, there's no need for forgiveness because you can never hate that person no matter how badly you want to. "Camz, open your eyes please. Open your eyes and it will never hurt again. I'll never try to hurt you even unintentionally. Just please look at me because I can't bear the silence anymore."
I slowly open my eyes and face the ceiling; the plain white ceiling. If I could paint, I would paint the different kind of stars that ever occurred in my dreams. There's this big and shining one, the dull one and the brightest amongst them. The brightest star resembles a pair of green eyes and strands of raven hair.
Lauren helps me to be in a sitting position like her. The way our bodies' friction sends electric shock inside my own and she doesn't even do anything. "Don't cry please. I'm sorry I really am and I love you. I love you too so much." To say I'm taken aback would be such an understatement. She loves me. "I didn't say it back because I thought... I thought you're playing with me again. But I love you. I love you so much, okay? And I understand that you want to take back what you said but I love you so much and there's nothing you can do that will change that. God I lo-."
"-I don't want to take it back." I interrupt her rambling and press my lips into her trembling lips for a quick peck. "I love you, Lauren and even if you told me I was only a bitch to you I still love you." She stares at me; studying my facial features intently while our faces are merely inches apart from each other. "I know you were mad. I wanted to avoid you because I was afraid... I was afraid that you don't feel the same."
"There's no way in hell I don't feel the same. I loved you even before you felt the way about me." I look at her with my mouth gaped and eyebrows furrowed in absolute astonishment. "I don't say a thing because Austin is always in the way. Remember when we first met that I told you I had a girlfriend and she was there at Ally's party? I was referring to you. Well it's funny but I wanted you to be my girlfriend. I took a gulp from my drink because I really have actually liked someone I've met for the first time."
I gasp in shock and amusement as she remains in silence after her long- awaited confession. "Wow... am I... a-am I really such an idiot?" Lauren laughs lightly and cups my face softly with both of her hands. "You're an idiot but I love you so I'm more of an idiot than you. Guess, we're both fair now." I inch closer and our noses meet. I giggle at the friction it caused.
"We've come from such a long way." I state matter-of-factly. "Austin told me he'd be willing to take the blame if I decide on telling people that we've already broken up." She lets go of my face and looks away. "You know that I didn't like Austin as much as I liked you right? And I love you now. Only you." I reassure her and she smiles.
"I know. I just can't believe I hated Austin so much for nothing. It turns out that he actually helped us get along and made you realize that you are in fact into me." I tap her shoulder slightly as she fakes winces. "Don't. I'll take my revenge on you and you won't like it." She warns me as I slap her this time much harder.
She glares at me playfully and shoves me to the headboard of my bed. She shifted from her place on my bed and hovers over me practically straddling me. She looks down at me as she touches the hem of my shirt and I entirely feel the heat her palm gives to my barely exposed skin. Her hair is covering my sides and reaches my shoulders while her eyes are completely pierced into my eyes down to my lips. I bite my lip in curiosity with a hint of nervousness. My hands roam from her back to her hips and I let them stay there for a moment. My eyes still not leaving her gaze as she slowly bites her lip; tempting and seducing me completely. "I told you, you won't like my revenge." I furrow my eyebrows in confusion then she tickles me in my sides to my lower back and abdomen and I continue on laughing and getting her off me at the same time.
"Sss.....Lau.....Stopppp w-wh...." My body is the whole definition of ticklish. She keeps on giving me tickles until she basically jumped off my body and I ran out of breath. "I hate you!" She just laughs wholeheartedly.
She stays slightly laughing at the floor while I remain shooting her death glares. "Why, did you expect me to make out with you?" She asks me and my eyes widen in shock. "God, you should've seen your face!"
"I honestly will take you down and you will regret this for your whole life." She pouts and sits on my bed once again facing me entirely. Her entire demeanor changes when she stares at me waiting for me to go on and continue what I was telling her. "What?" I tell her annoyed.
To my surprise, she hugs me; engaging me into a tight embrace. "You won't take back what you said right? You still love me right? You won't break up with me right because that would be wrong because.... b-because we're still not official. I'm sorry but please don't take back what you said." Her voice breaks in the end and I envelop my arms around her.
"I love you. I promise I do." She hugs me even tighter and my chest tightens a bit.
"Don't promise me. It's enough that you love me today. Today is forever and today will remain in my memory. You don't have to promise me you love me. I can feel it. Just make me feel it and it will be enough." My heart swells into sadness and comfort for Lauren. I definitely knew why she didn't like promises; she hated promises because her own parents broke theirs and it ended up breaking her heart. I don't even know how Lauren watches television when a show about family comes up, sure she misses her family but they're gone now. The only thing that I can do is be there for her and she's right. I just have to make her feel and let her know what I feel about her.
I love you, Lauren. In my heart, it's kept as a promise.
My phone buzzes placed on the side table near my bed and Lauren is still hugging me and her face being buried into the corner of my neck. She doesn't want to let go when her hug gets even tighter as I try to escape from her.
"Babe I have to check who's calling." The phone stops from buzzing and I can feel Lauren's wicked smile. "I still have to know who called. Babe let go please."
"How am I supposed to let you go when you just called me babe twice?" She says and it warms my heart as much as it warms my smile. "Babe.... it sounds even better and sexier coming from your lips." She finally let me go and unexpectedly gave me a quick kiss on my forehead. "I love you, babe. I don't think I'll ever get tired of it."
I just smiled at her and reached for my phone on the side table. I checked on the recent missed calls and the call came from none other than- Shannon herself.
Lauren watches me intently after taking some books from my bookshelf. "Who called? Is it Austin or Dinah? Or your mom?" The sound of her talking about my mom makes my stomach churn. I'm not even yet ready to tell my mom about all of this. I know she wouldn't be just mad but real furious and much worse, she'd make me transfer and I'd never get to see Lauren again. When I was about to answer her question, my phone vibrates and it signals that I received a new text, once again, from Shannon.
S: Camila! I need your help. I need your help like right now. I met a girl and you have to talk to her. Because you're all this poetic little ass and great with words. I met her at a coffee shop and I need your help because she won't talk to me. I guess she thinks I'm a creep and I'm a weirdo. I need you to be my wing- woman! She's at the local coffee shop in an hour. Text me asaaaap!
Lauren clears her throat and speaks up again. "Camz, who called?" I stare at her; my mind almost raced.
"It's Shannon. She needs me to be her wing- woman for tonight." Lauren stares at me puzzled; seemingly trying to weigh her options and I knew that this would be such a long night.
A/N: Please take your time to read my other fanfic called: Love, Camren and tell me some of your insights and feedbacks about it! It's like more fluff and the rest for going into all the drama in this fic.
Thank you, angels!