~Shawn's POV~
She's here, the only person I would ever want to be with. But she's still so close yet so far away. I know I could never get her back and it hurts so much to know this.
Her eyes... they have always been my favorite feature of hers but now, it holds so much sadness and pain in them. I hate seeing her like this but knowing that I'm the one who caused it kills me more than the guilt I felt after what I said to her. I just want to fix her but I'm afraid I might hurt her even more.
"How are you?" I stupidly asked her.
"Fine. I would ask you the same thing but I guess we all know how successful you are now and that you're okay." She said, giving me a small smile.
Of course she's not fine. I know her so well that I could practically read her like a book. Her words still hurt like knives piercing through my skin. I wanted to scream out to her that I'm not okay either. I'll never be okay again after all those things I did.
"I have to go. It was nice seeing you again." She said, glancing at y/f/n nervously.
"You too."
I pulled her into a tight hug and I could feel her do the same. I never want to let go of her. Please, Lord, let me stay here in her arms forever. Don't let this moment end. But she still pulled away after a second. Even with her head down, I knew she was about to cry. I would kill to hold her again but I know that it isn't possible.
"See you around, I guess." I said, barely above a whisper as pain filled my entire being.
"Yeah. See you."
"Bye."
"Bye."
She left. Just like that. I just stared as her figure walked away, disappearing among the crowd. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath as my heart yelled at me, "GO AND GET HER! DON'T LET HER GET AWAY AGAIN, YOU IDIOT! DO SOMETHING!" but my mind knew that it was the right thing.
"Don't you get it? It's all a game. God, you're so stupid to think that I would actually fall for you. You're a nobody, a worthless, small town girl who could never keep up with me." I remember saying to her that night.
"Then what's the point of all this?" She asked with tears brimming her eyes.
"I was told to find someone who would seem like they would fall in love with me and since you were my best friend, you were the obvious choice."
"But-"
"Don't you get it, y/n?! I never loved you! You were just a game to me now please pack your bags and leave!" My own voice echoed in my head.
That night... I want to take it all back. I should've fought for what I believed in, for what I love instead of letting them control me like a puppet. I didn't sign up for this.
"You have to break up with her." The management told me. "Break up with y/n and date Camila. It's good for your image and will definitely help you gain publicity. Besides, a small town girl can never keep up with an up and coming star!"
"Shawn?" Camila's voice snapped me back to reality.
"Huh?" I asked as the numbness and emptiness kicked in.
"Who was that girl?" She asked me as she pulled me to one of the booths, confusion present in her eyes.
"That girl... She was— IS— my world."
"Then why did you let her slip away like that?"
"Because of this goddamn management. They... They told me to leave her for you just to gain publicity. I don't know why I let them."
She bit her lip and nodded in understanding. Her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at her coffee— which she was able to order for us when I was having the last conversation I could get with the one I actually love— as if she was formulating a plan. I just sat there, staring at my fingers interlocked with each other around my cup. I can't help but imagine all those times when it was her fingers that laced through mine and held my hand as we walked around.
"Does she know about that?" Camila asked again.
"I didn't want her to know. I thought that maybe if I made her hate me then it would be easy for her to forget me... Instead, it led to both of us hurting." I said, staring at the brown liquid topped with a mountain of whipped cream.
"Then go get her."
I looked up from my drink and looked at her. Now it's my turn to be confused. She just smiled at me before reaching across the table to hold my hand.
"This isn't what I wanted either. Now go get her back. It's clear that you're completely in love with her. Look for her and tell her the truth. I'll talk to both our managements."
"Thank you so much." I said, immediately standing up and running out of the shop.
Fans tried to talk to me and ask for my picture but I politely told them I had to go somewhere and that I was in a hurry. Not a long way from the coffee shop, I was able to spot her and y/f/n at the park. I ran to her just to see her crying into her hands. y/f/n looked up from comforting her and looked shocked before glaring at me. I crouched down in front of y/n and placed my hand on her cheek. She looked up at me with red, puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.
"Shawn? What are you doing here?" She asked, the cracking of her voice at the end of the sentence shattering my heart.
"Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked her.
"I'll leave you two alone." y/f/n said, giving me one last glare before she left.
"I hate seeing you like this." I said, sitting beside her and pulling her into my chest. "I'm sorry, y/n. I never meant to hurt you. I never did."
"What are you talking about, Shawn? You said you didn't care but here you are, telling me you're sorry." She asked.
"I know that I'm a douchebag and you deserve someone better than me but I'm asking you— no, begging you— to give me another shot. I... I only said those words I did that night because I was afraid of losing my job that I let the management treat me like a puppet. They made me break up with you, y/n. But I don't care anymore. You gave me something so real."
"You should've told me! We could've worked things out."
"I know and I realized it later that night. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I had to make you hate me enough to forget me and move on."
"I could never hate you."
She pulled away from my grip and looked into my eyes. She still looks perfect even when she cries. I closed the gap between us and let the feeling of something I had been missing overtake me. She kissed back— thankfully— and held me closer to her.
"Give me another chance, please?" I whispered against her lips.
She didn't say anything but she just pulled me in and crashed her lips against mine. That's all I need to answer the question.
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A/N: I know this is shit and I haven't been posting every week like I wanted to but I have one word that serves as my excuse: school. I HATE BEING IN THIS HELL HOLE! Two and a half more years and I'll be in college so... frick.
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