I told Dorian I had to go back to the kitchen seeing as I told them I was only going to the bathroom he was a little upset about it but told me that he'd for me in my room until Jeremy leaves. After giving him a kiss I left him to his reading which incedently he told me he doesn't need to mark the page of having perfect vamperic recall like he does.
When I made it back to the kitchen Alec and Jeremy were talking about baseball, again! It's not that I mind sports I'd just rather be playing it than watching or talking about it.
"What took you so long"?
"I still feel nauscous I thought I was going to hurl so I stayed in the bathrrom a while". I lied it's not like I could say I was reassuring my vampire boyfriend that I don't mind that he can't have children with me.
"Should you really be walking around Emma"? Jeremy asked concerned.
"I'm not sitting still another day I can't take it, drives me friggin crazy".
"I know" he smiled "anyway I should get back home fill Zoe in then I've got to do this huge essay on the domestic and international problems America faced 1968 and something about Nixon's administration".
"I think I actually got off lightly with the heart attack".
"I know right? So unfair, anyway I'll probably call you tonight for your notes".
"I wasn't there to make any".
"They'll still be better than mine besides you can help me google it".
"Ok" I laughed "please tell Zoe not worry Jeremy".
"Will do now gimme a hug" I walked over to him as he stood and wrapped my arms around his middle". "I love you Em take care of yourself alright".
"I will and I love you too Jer" I laughed.
"Just because you had a heart attack doesn't mean I won't throw something at you".
"Just because you're eighteen in a week doesn't mean I won't still put sand down your pants" he narrowed his eyes playfully and kissed the top of my head.
"You better get me an awesome gift".
"I already did" his eyes lit up like a tree at christmas.
"Yay"!
"Come on I'll walk you to the door" he raised his hand palm up to me.
"No sit down I can make it".
"Alright, bye" I called.
"Bye Emma" he said over his shoulder and I heard the door open and then close a second later.
"Emma can we talk"? Alec asked.
"I have nothing to say to you, I know you were trying to taunt Dorian with Jeremy it's not fair"!
"Neither is what he's going to do to you"!
"What happens beteen me and Dorian is our bussiness no one elses so stay out of it Alec"!
"You are my bussiness Emma how -" I cut him off
"Where are Mom and Dad"?
"They got a call while you upstairs they won't be back till late why"?
"Just making sure there are no witnesses to me kicking your ass".
"Please Emma be resonable this is ridiculous he's not even human he kills people".
"Not anymore, not if he can help it" I muttered remembering our conversation in the hospital.
"What if he can't help it and it's you he kills next"? At that Dorian burst through the kitchen door with his hand closed around Alecs throat and a glare that could kill.
"How dare you? I would never hurt Emma" he spat while Alec looked like he'd seen the devil and was kicking out with his legs. I stumbled to Dorian in shock tugging at his sleeve my touch seemed to have an effect on him as he loosened his grip and came to hold me fitting his face into the crook of my neck. "I'm sorry".
"Shh I know just don't do it again" I whispered into his ear.
"I can't help it if he goes around saying things like that. I'd never hurt you Emma you know that don't you? Please tell me you know that".
"I know that I promise" he sighed a breath of relief over my skin making me shiver for him. It's been so long since I had real hug from Dorian and being in his arms again made me feel like I take him for granted.
"I've missed you baby" he needs to stop talking in that voice if I'm going to keep myself sane.
"Mmhm" I didn't trust myself with words so I kept it short.
"What's wrong"? Brilliant I've worried him now. When he didn't get answer he pulled away from me to look for himself.
"Maybe she's realised she doesn't want you" Alec put in casually.
"Shut up Alec".
"No Emma he's not right for you".
"Yes he is I love him Alec".
"No you don't it's just what he is, that's what he does he gets people to like him, trust him".
"Stop it Alec".
"Well fine think about it this way what does he see in you"? He got me there.
"Shut your mouth right now" Dorian glowered.
"He's like two hundred years old I'm pretty sure he's been around the block a few times with way prettier and more experienced women, you're just a little girl to him Emma you really think he's going to stick around? You may love him but what makes you think he loves you"? My chest was shaking and I didn't understand why until looked up to see Dorian growling actually growling at my brother it was his growls reverberating through his chest that was making me shake. I could feel tears in my eyes because of course it was all true. I'm so stupid it never even crossed my mind that Dorian had been with anybody else because I hadn't, but of course he has he's two hundred years old! I think I want to lay down. Senseless I tried to walk out of Dorian's arms I should've known it wouldn't be easy but I don't know what to think anymore.
"Let go Dorian" I muttered in a dead voice trying to combat the steel cage of his arms and failing miserably.
"No Emma listen to me".
"I'm tired I just want to sleep" I couldn't meet his eyes not now.
"Not until you hear me out".
"You heard her Dorian let her go".
"Stay out of it! Don't you think you've done enough? It's your fault she had a heart attack and you know it, do you really want to push for a second"? I tried to walk away from him again but his arms just encircled me tighter, almost possessively to his body it took everything I had not to push myself against him more but I managed to keep control. "Emma, baby look at me". I wouldn't do it because I know I'll be sucked in by those fake eyes it was hard to resist though because I wanted reasurrance that he wanted me and only me. The amount of times he's told me exactly that should have me laughing Alec out of the room but my doubt in myself believed my brother much more than I could ever believe that Dorian wanted me. "Emma"?
"I'm tired I want to go to sleep" my monotone was starting to scare me and the only thing I knew for certain was that I want to be out of this room, for the floor to swallow me whole so I could cry over Dorian and his many conquests in privacy.
"I'll take you sis" maybe Alec wasn't trying to be an ass breaking me and Dorian up, maybe he is just genuinely concerned.
"Ok" I held out my arm for him but Dorian gathered it back in to him.
"If anyone is going to do it it's me".
"No I want Alec" I felt Dorian's arms just drop from me and I felt horribly cold and alone luckily Alec was there lifting me up bridal style in the next second and started to walk me to my room.
"I know you think I'm being an ass Em, but I really am trying to look out for you I don't want you to get hurt, you know that don't you"?
"Yeah I know".
"Good, push on your door" I reached an arm out and pushed on the wood of the door and Alec walked into my room setting me on the bed. "Rest ok I'll call for pizza later if you're not up I'll save you some alright"?
"Mmhm". When I heard him close the door I strained my ears so that I could know when he'd cleared the stairs and when he had I let my tears pour from my face. I love Dorian so much with all my heart, but he doesn't want me and I don't deserve him, he's perfect and there's no way I can even begin to compete for him and it would be a competition who wouldn't want him? There's tons of smart, attractive women out there that would throw themselves at him and I had to be the idiot that fell for him. "I want to die" suddenly my door slammed open and I heard the lock click I wasn't looking at the door I had my back to it but I didn't need to see to know it was him.
"I heard that" his voice thundered.
"What did you hear" I asked nonplussed I don't have a clue in hell what he's talking about.
"'I want to die'" he spat I furrowed my eyebrows at the wall, how had he heard me say that? Maybe it was just a lucky guess well I'm not going to confess I was being dramatic am I not allowed to do that in private anymore?
"I don't know what your talking about" I mumbled into my pillow now making sure I couldn't see any part of him I can't trust myself around him anymore so I won't leave anything to chance.
"Don't lie to me look at me Emma".
"No". I heard his knees hit the wood floor like he'd let himself drop instead of bending carefully I was very close to turning around to check he was alright but I caught myself just in time. My mental victory was short lived as Dorians hand caressed it's way down my back I shivered under his touch wanting more already why am I so weak?
"Come to me".
"No" I whispered my voice faltering and feeling new tears of desperation fall out of my eyes.
"Emma please" he begged "I'm not above using dirty tactics".
"No Dorian" I sniffed at the pain it caused me to say his name. I wasn't left wondering long what he meant by dirty tactics when his hand that had never left my back let it's self under my shirt rubbing my skin. I bit down on my lip hard to stop the moan building in the back of my throat from coming out.
"Don't fight it baby you think you're the only one feeling anything right now? You have no idea what feel of your skin is doing to me". I closed my eyes burying myself deeper into my pillow wanting it to be true but knowing it was pointless at the same time. I heared a light shuffling behind me, Dorian was getting closer. My shirt was pushed up my back but not enough to quite reveal my bra. I stopped breathing as his nose pressed into my back and glided slowly to the base breathing hot breath on my skin the entire time stopping finally to place an open mouthed kiss on the small of my back and just when I thought he was done Dorian started to suck on the skin there and I couldn't stop my sharp in take of breath for anything. "Come to me Emma" he groaned. I'd started to bite down on my pillow instead I was worried I'd make my lip bleed if I kept it up any longer. I didn't dare reply because I know my voice would betray me with desire so I stayed quiet. Before I even had time to realise I'd moved I blinked and myself on the floor straddling Dorian against the side of my bed my shirt still pushed up my back. My eyes widened in shock when I realised it was Dorian that had moved me so fast and then I looked at his hands resting on my bare stomach. Taking a deep breath to steady my thoughts I closed my eyes still not willing to meet his. "Emma open your eyes and look at me so I can tell you something".
"No, you should go".
"Maybe but I won't, last chance Emma" Dorian whispered as his hands tightened on me.
"No" slowly his hands glided up my stomach lifting my shirt off over my head.
"You are so beautiful".
"No I'm not".
"Says who"? He demanded.
"Me".
"Well then you're blind" he murmured sounding distracted I opened my eyes to see where his attention was only to find him staring at my body, studying every part of it like he was afraid he'd forget.
"Stop staring" I was angry he's clearly just trying to humour me there's no way he could get caught up by me.
"Never".
"Why are you doing this to me Dorian? Just go be with someone who'll make you happy someone better than me" my tears started again rolling down my cheeks and dropping from my chin to my chest.
"There is no one better than you Emma and nobody but you has a chance in hell to make me happy so stop" he moved under me stretching his face up I thought he was going to kiss me but he stopped short of my face zeroing in my bra... oh god. Dorian closed his mouth right over where I felt a tear fall on my chest and licked it's trail all the way back up to my cheek and left me again as went to find the others. I couldn't stop myself anymore even if I wanted to I locked my fingers in his hair and pulled his face to my body harder. "That's it baby don't resist me" the feel of lips against my neck as he spoke sent a whimper through my lips. And then I thought what am I doing? Alec was right and I don't want to be just some other girl he had fun with. With that in mind I let go of my hold on Dorian and tried to stand up but he was too quick for me and immdiately wrapped his arms around my waist. "What's wrong"?
"All of this I'm not that girl Dorian I don't throw myself at guys I don't staddle them half naked on my bedroom floor this isn't me, I know that you don't feel the same way about me as I do about you but I won't do this it's not right I only want to be like this with someone who loves me and you -"
"You don't think I love you"? He asked angry.
"Not how I love you" I replied in a small voice looking away from his face in misery. Dorian's hands framed my face making me look at him again and more tears fall.
"What makes you think that"?
"Alec said -"
"Don't listen to Alec I know he's worried about you Emma but he does not speak for me espcially about you. I love you so much Emma, more than anything or anyone and I always will".
"But he's right I'm just a little girl to you when I think about all the women you've -"
"Well don't I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I'm a virgin Emma and I'm also not going to lie to you when tell you that not one of them meant a thing to me, we haven't done a hundredth of the things I want to do to you and you've turned me on more than any of them hoped to". I shook my head wanting and needing to believe him but my insecuritys wouldn't let me. "Emma I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you or however much you'll give me I can't even look at another woman without my stomach turning you are all I'll ever want and all I'll ever need and I don't know how or why I got so lucky after everything I've done but I will never let you go and I will never stop loving you".
"Are you sure? Because if -" I was silenced by his finger pressed against my lips.
"Of course I'm sure now kiss me" I didn't think twice I just crushed my lips to his hungry for him. My hands moved to the buttons on his shirt kissing his chest after opening each one until I could finally brush the material off of his shoulders that seperated us, both of us moaned as we felt our skin against the others. My heart was beating it's self out of coherency so that individual pulses merged into one constant hum. It was too much having him so close and saying all those things I thought I was going to break not being able to get close enough when it wasn't possible to be any closer.
"Stop" I breathed and to my surprise he did.
"You're not ready" he stated. I shook my head.
"I'm sorry".
"Don't be sorry I want to do this right Emma I already told you I plan on courting you first".
"Which means"? I asked a little apprehensive at the smile on his face.
"Prepare to be wooed my baby".