- KIM JONGIN -
It has been three full days after my father's 'death'.
The pain on my chest started to cease and reality finally found its way to my bones, making it harder for me to move and think about certain things. All members of the pack are looking up to me now, with the exception of Kris and his friends who definitely think I am not for this position.
What's bad is that, I also feel the same way.
Father's study is filled with old papers and photos I never had the chance of seeing until now. My Mother's portrait hangs on the left wall, taking up a pretty large space. She doesn't look like me at all. They said what I got from her is her character.
The sudden knock on the door made me stop flipping through an old notebook filled with names of werewolves from all over the world. I let out a sigh, whispering, "Yes?". I don't even have to look to see it's Chanyeol. I could smell him the moment he walked up the stairs.
"Busy?" he asked before closing the door behind him, leaving me with no choice. He sounded stern and the slight frown on his forehead tells me he's up to something.
I slowly shook my head, flipping the notebook close. "What is it?" I looked up at him, propping my chin on my right palm. Chanyeol let out a long sigh before walking up my desk and sitting on the edge of it. The old wood creaked under his weight and I leaned closer so we could speak in whispers.
Chanyeol is a very close friend of mine. We grew up together, we made ourselves future plans we promised to reach. Together with Baekhyun and Sehun, we've created a friendship as deep as brotherhood. I know in my heart that they'll be there no matter what. We promised each other that one thing.
"Everyone's waiting." he muttered, throwing glances around the room.
I know that fact but I don't like hearing it. "I might call for a gathering." I whispered, eyeing the old paper under my palm. It feels so rough and withered that I am suddenly afraid of tearing it to pieces.
Chanyeol's head swept to look down at me. "Are you changing something?"
"I want to change some... traditions." I met his eyes but his look is too intense I have to withdraw my glance. I cleared my throat and tried to act composed but nervousness is eating me.
"Why do I have the feeling that I already know what you're talking about?" Chanyeol said with his voice controlled but firm. I didn't meet his gaze even if I wanted to so I leaned back on my chair and crossed my arms over my chest, glaring on the table instead.
"What's your guess?"
"The food." he hissed.
I have to smirk. "You're really a Beta." I threw him a glance and Chanyeol doesn't look a bit pleased. He's eyeing me with disbelief and confusion at the same time.
"Jongin, you can't change our food." he said between gritted teeth, leaning closer so he could stare at me in the eyes. "You can't force our pack to eat something not meant for us!"
"Chanyeol, we can't rely forever on humans for food!" My own voice is rising and I tried hard to control it. Chanyeol's an ally, he's like a brother. I can't afford a fight with him. "We can't eat them just because we want to! It's not right!"
Park Chanyeol grunted in frustration and it sounded like a growl. He stepped away from me and started pacing around the room whilst running a hand through his ash grey hair. "Jongin we don't eat them just because we want to!" he hissed, stopping to look at me. "We need their blood to stay immortal! We need their meat, we need their insides, we need everything in their fcking bodies! They keep us alive!"
I stood up from my seat to meet his angry stare. "I'm not telling you to completely stop eating humans!" I snapped. "What I want to happen is minimal consumption of their specie. Admit it Chanyeol, some of us kill for fun. We just want to see them suffer and beg and bleed."
Chanyeol smiled bitterly. "Like you? Like what you did with that student? Like what you did to that group of boys?" he spat, looking away from me in disapproval.
I paused, remembering how I tortured Hans and his friends when they tried to hurt Kyungsoo. I did that for him. I didn't do it for fun.
"It's... it's not like that." I whispered. "You know I wouldn't do it if I don't have to."
"Then that's it!" Chanyeol shouted, glaring at me. "You're doing this for Kyungsoo! Why? He finally decided to avoid you, to get away from you? You're doing this to keep him, aren't you? You're doing this so he wouldn't run away from you and our hideous way of living! You want to become a human as much as you can! This is all because of him!"
"MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT!" I boomed as I made my way towards him until I am gazing back into his eyes with fury. "Maybe I wanted that! Maybe I want him to see me as close to him as much as possible! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING! You don't understand because you have Baekhyun with you and he will never leave your side! You don't understand because your mate is not someone meant to kill you in the end! You don't understand because you didn't fall in love with someone far different from your kind!"
I waited for another outburst from him, another stern reply. But nothing came. Chanyeol stared at me but his angry eyes turned softer, kinder, and back to that familiar jet black eyes I know. He let out a breath and I did the same.
"But you're wrong." I whispered, backing and looking down. "Maybe Kyungsoo's a part of it, yes. But I don't want us turning into the kind monsters we're not, Chanyeol. There's this Hunter from last week... he said werewolves killed his family." I remembered hearing those words a few feet from Kyungsoo and that guy and I felt a certain sadness envelop my heart. "I... I don't want that for our pack. I don't want us killing because we want to. I want us to kill for need, for survival. Not for pride, not for power. Every human life is precious, too, you know. And Chanyeol, we're not devils. We're werewolves. Nothing more, nothing less."
Chanyeol's heavy breaths filled the entire room as he listened to my words, looking into my eyes for the truth in them. What I told him is what I really want and it's the whole truth. I know my plan would be hard at first, but I know we'll get through. Little by little. Chanyeol bit his lip as he looked away from me and at the ceiling. He's obviously thinking hard and part of me doesn't want to hear what he has to say.
What if he won't agree? Who would have my back?
"This is daring." Chanyeol finally said, his voice hoarse. "We need to really talk this through with the others."
I let out a long sigh. "I understand."
Chanyeol clasped my shoulder and squeezed. "You're right, Jongin." he muttered, giving me a small smile. "We're not monsters."
He's leaning over the table when I entered the school cafeteria.
I don't go here, not once. I don't eat the food humans take in. But I need to talk to him. I don't want him avoiding me. Not for a day. Not even for a second.
I already felt the stares the students are giving me and I ignored them. I could perfectly hear their curious whispers but I tried hard to tune them out. I don't need their useless gossips. I need him and him alone.
When I dropped to his side, placing my own tray of food on the table, Do Kyungsoo almost jumped in shock and he lost his grip on his pen, making it tumble and roll off to the edge of the table. I caught it and placed it back on his book.
"Hey." I muttered, smiling at him.
Kyungsoo's face is priceless. He's staring blankly at me with that gaped lips and wide eyes. He closed his mouth and opened it again, about to say something but nothing came out. The scars on his face are barely visible and I am glad nothing's dirtying his pretty face.
"Is the pizza good?" I asked, gesturing on my plate.
He slowly shook his head in disbelief. "W-what... are you doing here?" he asked in that same voice he used the very first time I talked to him. In that forest, when he was wearing that gorgeous red riding hood.
"I came to find you." I answered honestly. "Is your friend fine now?"
"He is." Kyungsoo whispered, still frowning. "I didn't expect him to recover fast after what you did." he added and he threw me the slightest of glares.
I smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry." I whispered, leaning to him. "It won't happen again."
Kyungsoo touched his temple and he started shaking his head again. He's obviously confused and lost right now. I don't blame him, though. "Jongin, what are you up to?"
"Nothing, Kyung." I said, my face turning serious. "You know what? I just realized one thing from these past few days."
Kyungsoo is frowning in question. "What is it?"
I slowly reached up to flatten his frown. "In time I would surely lose everything," I whispered. "But not you. Definitely not you, Do Kyungsoo."