I woke swatting an arm out in the general direction of my alarm clock, that was at that moment emitting the most annoying sound known to man. I looked up at my dresser in confusion when my hand felt at the empty space to find that my alarm clock wasn't there. What the hell? Where is that noise coming from and where is my clock?
I got up and realised my clock was on the floor like it had been disturbed, it must have been because I make sure my clock is in the centre of the table so exactly this doesn't happen. Has someone been in here?
Alec!
I ran from my room and started banging my fists on my brother's door. Even now when he's supposed to be the grown up college boy he still insists on provoking me. Suddenly his door swung open and my last knock landed on his chest.
"WHAT?!" He yelled in my face as I quickly took back my hand.
"Why have you been in my room?" I yelled back.
"I haven't been in there, why the hell would I?"
"Because you're a creep. Do not under any circumstances ever go into my room without my permission, understand?"
"Whatever, idiot. How about not pounding on my door at six in the morning?"
I'm guessing it was a rhetorical question because he slammed the door in my face and that folks is Alec the Epic Ass! How dare he go into my room and then yell at me for yelling at him? The only thing was I don't think he was lying to me, there was way too much conviction and Alec cannot pull off plausible deniability, especially at six in the morning... maybe I knocked it off myself and didn't notice.
I walked back into my room and picked up the clock setting it down and staring at it. Then it happened. As soon as I touched that clock everything came flooding back to me from last night with Dorian, everything I'd said to him, telling him to leave and that I wanted that! How could I? How could I do that to him, to us? I didn't know where all this was coming from but I didn't care enough anymore to fight it.
Whatever, I don't have time to formulate anything now, I'll do that later when my grounding really starts to sink in. I know I said I'm a loner and that I don't ever go anywhere but it's different knowing you still can go out if you want to, not being able make that choice makes me feel a little claustrophobic.
My argument with Alec had me running late and I'm not one of those people who do well under pressure. I need to be kept calm and relaxed, composed and have time to collect myself. Although thinking about it I didn't do too bad when I thought Dorian was a burglar... I'll think about it later too.
When I made it to my English Lit class no surprise I was late and I'm talking empty hallways late, brilliant. I hate getting in late to class, everyone just stares at you like you're an alien or something. I knocked thinking the initial manners would set the tone to how the situation would go.
"Come in" I heard a muffled voice call from behind the very familiar wooden door. I opened the door and walked cautiously into the classroom, careful not to gauge the expressions of the kids staring at me. "Ah Miss Mars, you've decided to join us then?"
"I'm so sorry, I'm late Mrs Middleton." I put as much sincerity as I could into my voice hoping she'd let it slide.
"You know the rules of the lock out system, if you're late don't bother turning up. Come back at lunch to get your assignment and I suggest you find a reliable source to borrow notes from."
"Yes Ma'am, sorry again."
I turned on my heel and left cursing under my breath. That was the first time I've been thrown out of anything and it wasn't even my fault for God's sakes, this is ridiculous. Turning left at the end of the English corridor I hurried down the stairs taking another left into the library.
This wouldn't draw too much attention since I'm me, the library is like a favourite haunt if you will, much to Jeremy's distaste but he can't have is way all the time. I hung out at the stupid bleachers for a year because he's on the baseball team and had to endure having all his stupid Neanderthal friends gawking at me for no reason, idiots.
Personally I don't see why we can't just meet at lunch in the cafeteria and do what we want elsewhere every other time but he insists we're together, I don't mind though Jeremy's good company and he makes me laugh.
I looked through my still new timetable to check what I have to sit through later. It's not that I mind school, it's just that I'd rather be taught something that I don't know. I'm not being an ass I swear and I'm not a genius either, but ever since Maddi died I've tried to keep myself as busy as I psychically can and the best idea I came up with was to bombard my mind with so much that I couldn't possibly think of anything except what I was looking at.
As a result I now speak French, I have read the set list for English Lit twice, the entire American history textbook, Biology has definitely picked up, but chemistry is still a little beyond on my grasp; I don't mind though, my intention was not to become more knowledgeable. I didn't once believe all that boring crap I read would stick in my head, but it did and I guess it means I don't have to pay as much attention this year so that's a plus.
The bell rang for second period and I jogged to physics like my life depended on it. I will never be thrown out of class again for anything especially for being late. I made it in plenty of time but stopped to get my breath back then opened the door and walked casually to my seat in the second row from the front.
There was nothing special about my school I guess it's a decent size for being in such a small town but it's as generic inside as it is out, brick walls held together by the despair of those who inhabit it, it's school you know?
Mr Keller walked in a couple minutes later with his usual cup of coffee in his hand looking like he'd already had twenty with all the muscle twitches he was having. His usual messy brown hair was uncharacteristically neat and in place and is desk was impeccably tidy, what is happening to the world? And is that a tie he's wearing?
"Emma can I talk to you for moment please?" He asked in front of me now.
"Yes Sir." I replied, standing up out of my chair and again avoiding the stares of my peers or fellow sufferers as I prefer to call them. I followed him into the supply room and closed the door as he motioned for me to, to finally turn back to him and seeing him trying to focus.
Mr Keller was my favourite teacher for several reasons, number one because physics is my favourite subject, number two because he takes a genuine interest in his students without being creepy, number three he's unusually casual for a teacher; it's been known for people to have verbal matches with him in the class room which everyone finds funny especially him, and number four for someone who is young he always has the air of a person who's seen a lot more than his supposed twenty eight years of life promised him and not always in a good way.
"We've got an inspector coming into school today and I'm pretty sure the fascist is going to be in this class. The only saving grace here is you kid" I looked at him like he'd finally lost it.
"I don't understand."
"You're the best I've got. I just thought it would be more polite for me to tell you that I'm going to be calling on you a lot today, no pressure" he told me this all completely blase while sipping at his caffine fix.
"What? I – you can't – what about Rick, or Amanda?" I asked too shocked to be annoyed.
"You're the brightest bulb I got in here, Amanda and Rick can handle grade C and maybe B at a push, but I'm going to need you for the A verging on the AP which should be easy enough since this an AP class."
"Well, I guess I don't have a choice." He put a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me as if to say no you don't and it's been nice knowing you, patted it a bit and held the door open for me following me out.
I sat down at my desk and felt a sharp pain in my shin. I looked up in surprise to see Mr Keller in front of me again nodding pointedly to the back of the class room, I guess the inspector slipped in while we were talking.
"Careful Sir or I'll tell them you struck a child" I whispered so only he could hear and he narrowed his grey eyes at me playing along.
"Do well and it won't happen again" I raised my eyebrows at this but conceded to nod and got a last grateful look from the man before he went back to his desk.
"Good morning class, now today we'll be carrying on from the last class with Static Equilibrium." Urgh, boring. I've read this and learnt this. I zoned out and in no time at all came back with impressive timing.
"If the object has an acceleration 0 m/s/s it means that it is at rest" Amanda said sure, she was wrong.
"Unfortunately that is incorrect Miss Peters, Miss Mars perhaps you can tell us why"? He asked as if the conversation we had before class never happened.
"An object at equilibrium has to have an acceleration of 0 m/s/s, this extends from Newton's first law of motion, but that doesn't mean that it's at rest it could also be in motion and continuing in motion with the same speed and direction, also if an object is at rest it's called static equilibrium which also extends from Newton's first law."
"Very good Miss Mars" he smiled then turned his attention back to the class room at large while a tomato like Amanda took refuge behind her textbook.
The bell rang not long later and I gathered my books, standing up and shoved them as best as they would fit into my bag. I walked to the door as Mr Keller made nice with the inspector or 'fascist' as he called it which made me laugh.
The run up to lunch went by slowly and there was only one reason, Dorian. The feelings of guilt and horror at my words last night that I had put behind me are now bit by bit coming back to me and had swelled in volume to the point where I could physically feel it - like I was being smothered. It made me wonder how he was because last night it's like I knew his emotions - even shared them some of the time and a tear rolled down my face at the thought of him feeling like this.
The only thing that I got me through was that he'd be there when I got home, if he still wanted to talk that is or hasn't forgotten. He hasn't been in my world a week but he's somehow slowly becoming the centre of it. I had a feeling that fighting him would be useless and not because he'd be abusive or anything but because I could feel my resistance fading and a fire beginning in it's place.
When I got to the cafeteria I didn't feel like eating and sat at my usual table where I preceded to bask in my misery, thinking only of Dorian and last night, lingering on how soft and sure his lips were on mine, how close we were and his taste and hands on me, why did I push him away? I wanted to kick myself in the head, maybe Dorian will do it for me if I ask him?
"What's eating you?" Jeremy asked through a mouth full of hamburger and sitting down opposite me.
"Nothing, eat your cow."
"Seriously Emma,what's up?" I picked something real so I wouldn't give myself up completely. I can't tell him about Dorian, I just can't.
"I'm just not sleeping properly, plus my Mom grounded me and took away my laptop."
"She what? Why?" He asked already wonderfully livid on my behalf.
"Because I wouldn't apologise to my Dad and general sass."
"Well I'm glad you stood up to them, it's about time." He nodded his approval and took another larger than large bite out of his lunch.
"Am I, weird, like not normal?" I asked, scared of his answer.
"Course you're normal, but everyone is a little weird, why?"
"My Mom asked me why I'm not normal anymore." I felt my shoulders sag. In truth I didn't realise how much it had bothered me until now.
Jeremy's eyes narrowed. "That's it. I'm going to be having words with your parents."
"No Jeremy please, what if they take you away too?" I asked, more worried about this than I had been of anything else.
"No one will ever take me away from you Em, I swear" he told me truthfully.
"Thanks, I nearly called you last night when it happened" I suddenly remembered.
"Nearly? Why didn't you?'" And then I remembered that too and felt my face heat.
"Uh, I didn't want to bother you." I knew almost instantly that I had said the wrong thing. He suddenly puffed himself up almost glaring at me.
"Bother me? How many times do we have to go through this Emma? Always call me, never hesitate, ever and I'll do the same. That was the deal was it not? How would you feel if I came to school looking all sad and said I nearly called you Em, but I didn't want to be a burden to you?"
"I'd slap you silly" I told him honestly.
"Exactly. No more of this 'nearly' business ok?"
I nodded and started to play with the zip on my jacket, embarrassed at my telling off, but in truth I would have called him had Dorian not been there so it's not all my fault. Even just thinking his name was bringing back my anguish, I have to see him.
"Aren't you hungry?" Jeremy asked noticing now the absence of a tray in front of me.
"Nope" I sighed cursing how slow this day was going.
"It's not healthy to skip meals, it makes you over indulge later." I laughed at that knowing he was joking but right at the same time. He was trying to cheer me up and he did, he always does. "It's not funny do you want to get fat?"
"What do you mean get fat?" A new voice joined, ah Shelly just what I need. "You're too nice to her for your own good Jeremy, why don't you sit with your real friends?" She asked trying I'm guessing to look seductive in the process. I cringed at her cliché of a story - a slutty cheerleader who wants all the jocks.
"If you know what's good for you Shelly you'll retract that comment right now!" He thundered.
"Jeremy leave it honestly, it's fine" I smiled, and in truth I was fine since all I can think about is Dorian any way - she hadn't touched me.
"No it's not, apologise now."
"To that? I don't think so sweetie" she replied surveying her nails.
"Get lost before I tell everyone what I saw you doing with coach" even I gasped at that.
"I don't know what you're talking about" she was trying to stay calm but it just wasn't happening.
"I wouldn't test me if I were you" he whispered evilly. She paled and ran from the table taking up roost with her familiars.
"What did you see? I asked both mortified and curious.
"Absolutely nothing" my jaw dropped.
"Since when did you become a bad ass? And what if there was nothing going on?" I asked amazed. He smiled at me like I was a simpleton and explained.
"No one talks to you like that without consequences and to answer your questions I've always been bad ass, and the scenario I was preparing for was that nothing had happened, I was just going to give her the whole 'who will people believe, me or you'? And that would've been that - you know as well as I do people can't resist rumours, especially high school kids.
"I'm impressed" I admitted.
"Excellent. Now eat my second pudding cup" he said pushing it towards me.
"No. I'm not hungry" I griped.
"It's butterscotch" he said pulling the seal off and wafting the rich smell towards me and pathetically that's all it took.
"Fine I need a spoon though."
"I got you covered" he told me pulling two spoons out of his napkin.
I half ran home going over and over what I could say to make it up to Dorian, but everything I thought of didn't feel enough. When I reached the driveway I saw that both of my parent's cars were gone - good I just hope Alec isn't here too.
It's only just occurred to me how much I've pinned on Dorian being alone here and that he's actually there himself, what an idiot. He probably never wants to see me again, now I feel sick. I dragged my feet along the snow covered path to my door and let myself in. Dropping my bags I started towards the kitchen when a voice called me.
"Emma?" I turned around and saw him watching me unsure, but he's here! And he looks alone, and he's here!
"Dorian!?" I yelled and ran at him putting my arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry about last night, you're all I've been able to think about the entire day. I'm so sorry, please forgive me." I cried into his chest.
He was completely still for five seconds and I have never felt as much dread as I did in those five seconds, butthen his arms came around me, hugging me back and his face fell into my hair and started to kiss my head.
"Oh baby I've missed you so much." He groaned, holding me tighter still.
"I missed you too" I told him looking up at his face, I loosened an arm from his neck and used it to stroke his cheek at which he closed his eyes leaning into it. And suddenly the weight of the whole day came to me and had to ask him. "Dorian?"
"Mmm?"
"Kiss me please." His eyes snapped open to look at me and he leant his head towards me so that our noses were touching.
"I thought you wanted to talk sweetheart?" I shook my head slowly, always watching his eyes. If he said no I thought I might combust.
"We can talk later, right now I just want you" he smiled moving his mouth to my ear.
"Say it again, tell me you want me" he whispered with a hint of desperation in his voice. I pulled back so I could look him in the eyes.
"I want you Dorian."
Before I could blink his lips were moving on mine slowly and deeply as he walked me backwards till my back was flat against the wall. I took my hands from his neck and wound my fingers into his hair tugging on it to pull him closer to me, he moaned making me shiver knowing that I had made him do that.
"Do you trust me?" He asked moving an inch or so away from my lips.
"Yes" I breathed I'm pretty confident I meant that even though I don't know why. He picked me up by my butt pushing me against the wall again rearranging my legs around his waist though I let one slide slightly to rest on his hip.
"You're driving me crazy" I smiled peppering his face with tiny kisses as his hands massaged my thighs.
"Ditto" I whispered breathless.
"Shit" he muttered staring away from me now, causing me to worry that I'd done something wrong.
"What did I do?" I asked and his eyes snapped back to me with understanding and apology.
"Nothing baby I promise, Alec is home now that's all" he told me stoking a strand of my hair behind my ear before putting me back on the ground.
"Oh, well then I think you should go and comb your hair or something because it's a mess" I told him; already trying to smooth it myself to his deep satisfaction.
"You know you love it" he smirked.
"I know" I told him and at that he dropped the smirk and smiled a real smile leaning in to kiss me again when he pulled away quick putting the distance of the hall between us. I wondered why until Alec came through the door obviously back from the library with all the books he was carrying. It had been a while since Dorian said Alec was home, at least four minutes... anyway he's back now.
"Hey Dorian, hey door banging twirp" Alec greeted as unseen by him Dorian's eyes narrowed at his comment.
Dorian looks so hot when he smoulders. I bit my lip in want of him close to me again and as if I said it out loud his eyes found me again full of his own lust, and then I remembered Alec and shut off.
"We've been through this" I sighed. "If you hadn't been in my room without permission - whilst I was sleeping I might add - then I wouldn't have had to do it."
"And as I told you this morning I didn't go in there. I repeat, why the hell would I?"
"Whatever idiot I don't have the energy required to understand how your freakish mind works."
"Because you know that I'm right"? He asked smugly.
"No because I'm tired. Goodbye Alec, see you later Fish" I added and walked without a backward glance up the stairs to my room all the while feeling Dorian's eyes on me.